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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28842333">Dancing With Your Ghost</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/YOIInChi/pseuds/YOIInChi'>YOIInChi</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Free!</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Aged-Up Character(s), Fluff and Angst, M/M, Slice of Life</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 03:25:40</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>9</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>49,042</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28842333</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/YOIInChi/pseuds/YOIInChi</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Sousuke is just trying to get through his stint as a substitute fireman at the Iwatobi fire station when an unexpected appearance changes things forever.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Matsuoka Gou/Mikoshiba Seijuurou, Matsuoka Rin &amp; Yamazaki Sousuke, Nanase Haruka/Tachibana Makoto, Tachibana Makoto &amp; Yamazaki Sousuke, Tachibana Makoto/Yamazaki Sousuke</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>37</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“D’ya think the sub’s going to be on time today?”</p><p> </p><p>“Heh…who knows. I heard he keeps getting lost on his way in.”</p><p> </p><p>“In Iwatobi?!”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, if you can believe it.”</p><p> </p><p>“Woah. We can’t let him behind the wheel, then.”</p><p> </p><p>“Haha!! No, definitely not.”</p><p> </p><p>“…”</p><p> </p><p>“I suppose we should be nice to him. He <em>is</em> helping us out for a whole month.”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah.”</p><p> </p><p>“…”</p><p> </p><p>“I hope Makoto’s ok...”</p><p> </p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>The sub was, in fact, on time for his 6 a.m. shift at the Iwatobi fire station. His quiet, but solid footfalls punctuated the silence, and with a few solid stomps to knock the snow off his boots and on to the red entrance carpet that bore the station’s insignia, he let the door behind him fall shut to block out the icy winter breeze. The small lobby was empty-the front desk abandoned and the even smaller waiting area, unoccupied. The sub’s lips turned down at the lack of professionalism, and he made his way further inside the station.</p><p> </p><p>The typical morning checks went quickly and smoothly. For such a small and rural fire station, they had some very conscientious firemen. Tani-san left everything in good working order, and fortunately he had no need to use it the night before – a strange occurrence during this time of year. With his gear checked, he made his way up the stairs to the dining room for some tea.</p><p> </p><p>The warm, rolling noise from the dining room flowed out of the open door and echoed around the garage area below. Tradition at this fire house required an equipment check and discussion with the crew member you were relieving, then a larger group meeting in the dining room to go over the day’s assignments and cover anything major from the night before. Sasabe-sensei, the fire chief of this house, wore his youthful energy like a cape, and it was clear to the sub that he cared for the men he worked with.</p><p> </p><p>The sub moved around the edge of the room, to the kitchen to make his tea alone.</p><p> </p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>After opening numerous drawers and cabinets in the kitchen, he still hadn’t found any tea.</p><p> </p><p>“Need some help? What’cha looking for?”</p><p> </p><p>He turned to find the chief pouring a rather large cup of coffee for himself with heavy doses of cream and sugar.</p><p> </p><p>“Tea?”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, that should be riiight in here...” the older man lifted up a large tin in the shape of a fire engine on the kitchen counter. Popping the lid, the two discovered it was completely empty.</p><p> </p><p>“Ah, damnit. Sorry about that. We usually keep plenty of it on hand. Must’ve gone through it faster than usual. I’ll get one of the guys to run out today and grab some more.” He gestured with his mug, “Coffee?”</p><p> </p><p>The sub sighed quietly, “No, thanks.”</p><p> </p><p>Sasabe shrugged, “Suit yourself. Say…while I’ve got you…” he turned away to pour more sugar in the cup, “we really appreciate you being here. I know this time of year is tough, especially <em>subbing</em> during this time of year. So…thanks.”</p><p> </p><p>The sub quirked his lips up in a soft smile and nodded gently, “Sure.”</p><p> </p><p>“I hope we aren’t taking family time away from you…” the captain continued. The sub shut down the topic of conversation with a non-committal grunt.</p><p> </p><p>This situation was not permanent. A three-week stint away from his home fire house in Samezuka, because one of the Iwatobi crew was dealing with a “family emergency” …whatever that was. He knew it didn’t concern him, so he kept his nose out of it. Kept his head down and did the job they needed him to do. Some of the Iwatobi crew tried to engage him in conversation over the past week-tried to see what he thought of the rivalry between their respective high-school swim teams, or the weather, but the hard stare he would return doused the spark of conversation before it could catch. To his mind, there was no sense getting to know anyone here. He would be gone soon enough, and the fire house would soon forget he was even there. And that suited him just fine.</p><p> </p><p>The meeting went smoothly enough, a light night before and no major work around the firehouse kept things short and sweet and the tone was light and casual. Instead of using a liquid pick-me-up, the sub decided to try getting a workout in after the meeting. Just some paperwork to get done first. The stack was passed around and the pile slimmed more and more the further it was passed back. Two people from the end of the room and the stack ran out.</p><p> </p><p>“We can just share, Captain.” A crew member-possibly named Kisumi-offered.</p><p> </p><p>“No can do,” Sasabe replied, “I need you all to sign off that you received copies of this. I’ll go make another few and be right back.” He disappeared from the room. Previously interrupted discussions started back up again and the volume of voices rose along with it. The sub made no effort to join in. Instead, he pulled his phone out and started lazily scrolling through social media. He scrolled across a blog post from a college friend, a picture of the Samezuka fire station Christmas tree he helped decorate a few weeks ago followed after.</p><p> </p><p>An errant tap of his finger loaded his photo albums. He was about to tap back out, get to the main news feed again, but a burst of deep red in a thumbnail caught his eye. He slowly scrolled so the picture was in full view. Bright, red eyes grinned up at him from under long, red bangs, the smile showcased uniquely shark-like teeth. <em>My Little Shark</em> titled that particular album.</p><p> </p><p>He remembered this picture well, knew exactly where he took it; the regional swimming competition his senior year of high school. The red-haired boy sauntered away from that trial with two first-place finishes and the beginning of a lucrative swimming career. A few months after that picture, he confessed his love to the boy in that photo, which led to the joy of wearing a ring for almost a decade. A dull ache oozed out of his chest as the memories he held there began to pull at their restraints. His free hand unconsciously moved to touch the ring where he now wore it-on a necklace under his shirt.</p><p> </p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>A tall, broad figure entered the room and a wave of recognition crashed through each fireman, followed closely by silence. It was the death-like stillness that shrouded the room that pulled the sub’s focus from his phone up to glance at a nearby crew member. He followed the man’s gaze to the front of the room where his eyes met the greenest pair of eyes he’d ever seen.</p><p> </p><p>The eyes, slightly droopy, sitting atop large dark circles, widened briefly in surprise as they met with his-green to teal. The energy from the surprise quickly dissipated leaving a bewildered and exhausted look on the man’s face, as if he used up all his strength with that simple expression. His olive-brown hair swept across his forehead, not quite reaching his eyes, and there was no beard or mustache to speak of. If it wasn’t for the height and solid build of the man, you could mistake him for a teenager. A tired and sad teenager, from the look of him.</p><p> </p><p>He stood, shoulders hunched, a few steps from the doorway, finally pulling his eyes away from the sub and scanning the room slowly. A small smile bent the sides of his mouth up a centimeter or so, but the smile never reached his eyes.  He was dressed in the proper uniform and pants, but was in no fit state to work-looking like something had taken part of the man’s soul.</p><p> </p><p>The overall appearance and demeanor he displayed reached out and clenched the sub’s heart where only a moment ago he felt an ache, brought on by a memory. He knew this feeling. He LIVED this feeling for years. The devastation flowing out of this man felt like something familiar.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>It felt like loss.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>The tension in the room ticked higher with each passing second of silence.</p><p> </p><p>“Uh...Tachibana-san…” green eyes focused on a fireman with bright blue hair and red glasses, “what…what are you doing here?” The light-haired man’s smile faded and a blush bloomed on his cheeks. He raised a hand to scratch lightly at the side of his face and seemed to be struggling with a response. When the man did respond, his voice was soft and gentle.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh! Sorry…I know it’s kinda late to be rolling in. I guess I missed the meeting, huh?” His eyes fell to the ground. “I’m sorry. I know I’m not on the schedule, but maybe…”</p><p> </p><p>“Makoto! Is that you?” The whole room jumped as the captain’s clear, ringing voice cut through the silence of the room. The man-Makoto-turned to face Sasabe. The look of recognition turned to shock and sadness followed closely after as he took in the state of his crew member.</p><p> </p><p>Makoto bowed slightly, “Oh, Captain-good morning. Came in to lend a hand.”</p><p> </p><p>Sasabe’s voice lowered to a near whisper as he put a hand on the other man’s shoulder, “Makoto, that’s really kind of you, but we’ve got it covered for the next few weeks…why don’t you go hom-“</p><p> </p><p>“No, really! It’s fine. I-I’m fine. I don’t need to be there right now.” The brown-haired man’s voice began to shake and stutter. “I’m SURE there’s something I can do around here. I-I can’t-I just can’t g-go ho-“</p><p> </p><p>“Makoto! Hey…hey. It’s alright son…” the Captain soothed. He stood in thought for a moment. His eyes meeting the green ones that were silently pleading, and said, “Why don’t you go wait for me in my office?” Makoto nodded and trudged back out of the room. The captain then turned to the rest of the team and let out a sigh. He tossed the extra copies on the nearest table and continued with the men who watched the whole conversation with embarrassed attention.</p><p> </p><p>“There are the copies. You have your assignments...Let’s get to work!” He ended with a clap of his hands. As he turned to leave the room, he looked over his shoulder and called, “and Kisumi! Pick up some green tea today, would ya?”</p><p> </p><p>The clenching in the sub’s chest slowly eased. He glanced down at the phone in his hand, at the picture still there. He sighed inwardly to himself. Locked his phone and stood to leave.</p><p> </p><p>Sasabe was right. This time of year was hard...for many reasons.</p><p> </p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>“Excuse me…” a familiar, soft voice called across the garage floor.</p><p> </p><p>The sub looked up from where he was mopping away a patch of dried sidewalk salt, meeting those green eyes again. Sasabe and Makoto approached quietly. He straightened, still holding the mop in his hands. Continuing, Makoto spoke again.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m Tachibana Makoto. But you can call me Makoto if you like,” At this he bowed deeply, “it’s very nice to meet you. I’m so sorry to have caused such an inconvenience to you, your home station, and your family during this important time of year.” The sub stood, shocked at the consideration the exhausted Makoto was displaying. He expected an apology, this was Japan after all and politeness and consideration of others was important, but he was shocked at the reverence and consideration being shown by someone in such a state as the brown-haired man was now. The sub bowed.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m Yamazaki Sousuke. No need to be formal, you can call me Sousuke,” he straightened, noticing that, like him, Makoto was quite tall and broadly-built, their eye level almost matching, but Sousuke was still taller, “It’s no trouble. Happy to help.” He said, though still not smiling. “Though, now that you’re here, it seems like a waste to keep me around…”</p><p> </p><p>“Well, hold on a second there,” the Captain interrupted, “I’m still gonna need you for the next two weeks-the full timespan we agreed on.”</p><p> </p><p>“But…Makoto’s coming back, isn’t he?” He assumed as much, as the younger man was still here, in work attire. He noticed a dark blush on the brown-haired man’s cheeks and his green eyes fell to the ground.</p><p> </p><p>“He’s not back at full capacity yet. I’m not letting him get back on a truck, go to a call-really anything outside routine station work for the next two weeks. I’ll be giving him a large chunk of the work around here, instead.”</p><p> </p><p>“Understood, Captain.” Sousuke replied. Sasabe nodded, patted him on the back and turned to squeeze Makoto’s shoulder. The younger man finally looked up.</p><p> </p><p>“It’ll be ok, son. It just takes time.” Makoto nodded thoughtfully and swallowed thickly. “Why don’t you help out down here? The salt from the boots really causes a mess, doesn’t it?” With that, the captain walked away, leaving a long silence where neither man made a move. Sousuke didn’t know what to say or do. Clearly this “family emergency” had taken a severe toll on Makoto. Maybe someone in is family was sick or injured? Was it one of his kids? Did he even HAVE kids? This being the first time they actually met, he knew nothing about him, and was wary about asking any ‘getting to know you’ questions for fear that one of them would really set him off. And, while he wasn’t trying to make friends at the station, he also didn’t want to be known as a bully who makes vulnerable guys cry. Makoto’s eyes eventually met Sousuke’s again. Oh, shit. Had he been staring at Makoto? He raised a hand and rubbed at the back of his neck, a warmth blooming on his own face as he struggled to say something.</p><p> </p><p>He cleared his throat, and tentatively said, “So…uh…”</p><p> </p><p>To this, Makoto almost smiled, his eyes softening a bit, and saved the taller man by interrupting, “I’ll go get another mop,” and slowly walked away.</p><p> </p><p>***</p><p>The exercise did not help. Neither did the calls-one small kitchen fire, and a car fire-provide enough excitement to keep Sousuke from yawning as the afternoon grew late. Now, he was back at cleaning and drying the garage floors, when Makoto caught him unawares.</p><p> </p><p>“You look as tired as I feel, Sousuke.”</p><p> </p><p>Sousuke sighed as he wrung nasty black water out of his mop, not looking up.</p><p> </p><p>“Can I get you a cup of coffee?”</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t drink coffee, thanks.”</p><p> </p><p>“Tea?”</p><p> </p><p>“We’re out.”</p><p> </p><p>“Really?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah,” Sousuke kept mopping, back turned to Makoto, who, he guessed, was just standing there with that soft, defeated look on his face. Again, he was caught in the same awkward situation. What should he say? He was going through a tough time, and the whole situation felt familiar in a hauntingly cold way. Earlier as they were mopping together, he noticed a beautiful and simple wedding band on the other man’s ring finger. He was married, then.</p><p> </p><p>The whole situation felt too familiar. He suddenly felt too close to it, like the thing could reach out and tear at his chest, and out would spill things he kept hidden for a reason. Someone might even catch a glimpse of the hole where a part of him went missing a few years ago, and among strangers was the last place he wanted that to happen. He wanted to get away from these feelings, and from their source, the soft, kind man standing behind him in silence.</p><p> </p><p>No such luck.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s been tough the past week…sleeping. The funny thing is, I’m usually pretty good at it! Or, I used to be.”</p><p> </p><p>Sousuke’s grip on the mop tightened, feeling the strain in his fingers. Shit. Was Makoto trying to talk to him about…whatever was happening with him? Not here…not now. Please…</p><p> </p><p>“My head’s been a real mess,” Makoto huffed sadly, “not that it was all that neat and tidy to begin with. But now. Now, it’s worse.” Worse how? Wait. Why was he curious? Stop. Just stop. The taller man’s breathing became shallow. Makoto wasn’t leaving. Ignoring him wasn’t helping. The intruding fireman just kept speaking. Sousuke was alone here with Makoto. He was trapped.</p><p> </p><p>He knew better than anyone that once you get started unloading your heart, the few simple words at the beginning trigger more and more and soon it’s a fountain. A fountain made of your voice, spilling ache and loneliness and pain. Makoto was so close, so very close to that tipping point and when he felt a claw pull at his heart once, twice, and a third time, he finally panicked.</p><p> </p><p>He whirled around to face the shorter man finally, and barked, “WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE, THEN?” Narrow, threatening teal eyes met surprised, overwhelmed green and they stood in silence for a moment.</p><p> </p><p>“I…I don’t really know anymore, actually.” Makoto let out with a sigh and drooping shoulders. With that admission, Sousuke felt cold all over as he gasped and his eyes expanded in surprise, his jaw hanging open-convinced the thing he’d just said was almost exactly the wrong thing. Before he could recover and perhaps undo some of the damage he’d just done, a noise interrupted their exchange.</p><p> </p><p>“There you two are! C’mon up! Dinner’s almost ready,” Sasabe called from the floor above.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, Captain!” Makoto raised his hands, “You really don’t need to feed me. I really should be getting home anyway.” Sasabe rolled his eyes and said, “We made green curry. You aren’t going to stay for <em>green curry</em>? The phrase dripping in meaning. Makoto looked unsure for a moment and turned his eyes to Sousuke.</p><p> </p><p>“I think they made it for you, Makoto,” Sousuke muttered. The man in question nodded and the two made their way to the stairs and the dining room.</p><p> </p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>As it was just that morning, the dining room was full of noise. It wasn’t necessarily false cheer, but Sousuke could tell the crew were putting in an extra effort to make Makoto feel welcome. Makoto was plopped into a seat in the center of the room, given a heaping plate of food, and the men told him stories about what had gone on over the past few days. Different calls, embarrassing situations. They said they’d been feeding a friendly white stray cat Makoto had all but adopted, while he was away. They said the cat missed him. That was the first time that day that he’d seen a genuine smile on Makoto’s face.</p><p> </p><p>The sub sat off to the side and ate quietly, but stole glances at the brown-haired man every so often. Something wasn’t sitting right in Sousuke’s gut, and he was sure it wasn’t the curry. It was regret.</p><p> </p><p>He never meant to imply the man was worthless, but that’s exactly what he’d done by his brutish outburst. He was only trying to stop him talking-stop the ache and emptiness from infecting him too. He never was great with words, but most of the time he tried to put some thought into them. For Rin, he definitely tried.</p><p> </p><p>God, what would Rin think if he saw how awful he’d just been? In his mind he saw the red eyes burn, first with anger and then embarrassment, and it made his stomach lurch. Sousuke was ashamed of how he acted, but it almost seemed like Makoto agreed with those stupid words!</p><p> </p><p><em>Did the man really think he was worthless? What the hell was his deal, anyway?</em> He frowned down at the food on his plate. He would apologize tonight. He owed him that much, at least.</p><p> </p><p>“Wow, what did that plate ever do to you?” a voice right next to him said. He looked up and sitting next to him with a heaping plate himself was the blue-haired fireman.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m sorry?”</p><p> </p><p>The man chuckled and pointed to Sousuke’s plate. “You were looking at it like it just insulted you! Normally, this is a favorite around here. You don’t like it?”</p><p> </p><p>“Just not hungry,” Sousuke replied. The other man shrugged and dug in to his new plate of food.</p><p> </p><p>“Just a shame to see good food go to waste. This is a rare dish here at the firehouse-it’s Makoto’s favorite though. That’s why we’re having it tonight. We were going to cook it for him when he was ‘officially’ back, but, well,” The man gestured at the other group of men, “Makoto surprised us.” The black-haired man nodded, and took a bite of food himself.</p><p> </p><p>They ate in silence for a minute, watching a crew member tell Makoto about how he accidentally dyed his favorite hoodie pink with a pair of red underwear. They watched as Makoto nodded along with the story, and smiled in all the right places, but it seemed to be taking a monumental effort out of the man to do so.</p><p> </p><p>He was curious. Makoto was a mess, but whatever was happening wasn’t any of his business. He should have stayed out of it entirely. But he just couldn’t help himself.</p><p> </p><p>“So, uh…um…” He said to the man next to him…whose name he couldn’t remember.</p><p> </p><p>The other man smiled and pushed his glasses up his nose, “It’s Rei.”                  </p><p> </p><p>“Rei…right.” He cleared his throat and continued, “He…said he was feeling tired. That he hadn’t been sleeping well.” Sousuke turned back to the group in front of them.</p><p> </p><p>“That’s an understatement, going by the bags under his eyes alone,” Rei said, “but, if I’d gone through what he did I would probably feel and look a lot worse. I’m amazed he even came in at all. But I guess that’s Makoto for you. Always putting the needs of others before his own-whether he should or not.”</p><p> </p><p>Oh no. His stomach lurched again with this new found knowledge. Now he NEEDED to apologize. This went way past social expectation or general politeness. This man was selfless, kind, soft-spoken and even looking as he did, he offered to get Sousuke something to drink, only to be barked at instead.</p><p> </p><p>He wanted to speak to him right away. Pull him away from his friends and try to make things right that very moment, but that would have called even more attention and eyes to a situation that needed to be fixed between the two of them-alone. He wanted to tell Makoto, that obviously there was a place for him here. That the outburst was really his own problem-Makoto had every right to be here. If he had nowhere else to go, if he couldn’t be at home…</p><p> </p><p>Suddenly, Makoto’s words played back through his mind.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>I don’t need to be there right now.</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>It’s been tough the past week…sleeping.  </em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>I-I can’t-I just can’t g-go ho-</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>My head’s been a real mess</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>An image of Makoto’s ring flashed before his eyes.</p><p> </p><p>He remembered a time when home was a prison-a quiet nightmare filled with memories that glared at you and taunted you until there was nothing to do but escape. Where? Anywhere-anywhere to be away from those things, those pictures that taunted you-reminding you silently and oh so loudly of what you once had, how good it once was, and how all of it was gone forever.</p><p> </p><p>What happened to Makoto? A divorce? It would fit, except people don’t take three weeks off for a divorce. People work through it. Makoto, if he was as selfless as his colleague let on, would be at work and smiling all the while if that was the case. Sousuke wouldn’t be here.</p><p> </p><p>Makoto wouldn’t still have his ring on. Sousuke couldn’t take his ring off for a year. It hurt too much to try.</p><p> </p><p>As he noticed more and more similarities between himself and Makoto, he felt a pang, a claw yanking again at his chest, breaking a restraint free with a sick pop. He turned to face Rei fully.</p><p> </p><p>“What happened? To Makoto?” he asked earnestly. Rei hesitated, clearly unsure about how and what to tell this man, who hadn’t even learned his name until that night.</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t know if I should…” Rei said cautiously.</p><p> </p><p>“Was it something to do with his kids?”</p><p> </p><p>Rei looked puzzled, “He doesn’t have any.”</p><p> </p><p>“A divorce?” Sousuke tried again. The blue haired man shook his head in the negative. There was a small pause where Rei sized the bigger man up again. Sousuke begged with his eyes. Rei sighed, defeated.</p><p> </p><p>“His partner passed away,” Sousuke was thrown by the odd phrasing for a moment before he recovered.</p><p> </p><p>“His wife?”</p><p> </p><p>“His partner…” Rei repeated. Staring Sousuke down he clarified, “his husband. Last week.” They both looked over at Makoto, who had just turned and caught Sousuke’s eyes-green to teal. So tired.</p><p> </p><p>His stomach swooped dangerously.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh no,” he whispered, his voice small.</p><p> </p><p>He almost didn’t hear the alarm ring throughout the firehouse-a call needed a response, and the men in the room jumped to action. Sousuke was the last one to the door and turned to Makoto, who stood in the middle of tables covered in plates of food and surrounded by abandoned chairs.</p><p> </p><p>“Makoto…” he called, but the rest of the words died on his lips and a moment passed where he fought to regain them. He tried to force an apology through his eyes, as his mouth worked uselessly.</p><p> </p><p>“SOUSUKE! COME ON, WE GOTTA GO!” someone bellowed from the garage below.</p><p> </p><p>Makoto stared, and Sousuke turned and fled down the stairs to join the rest of the team.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>Makoto-</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Ran to the store. <strike>I’m </strike>We’re out of mackerel, and had to get some other things. <strike></strike></em>
</p><p>
  <em>Should be home before you get back from work.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Don’t you dare look at the painting. I will divorce you.</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>haru</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>You grieve…</em>
</p><p>
  <em>But, how do I do that?</em>
</p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>The men at the fire station would still be asleep, unless they were out on a call. As he walked, feeling the crunch of ice and snow beneath his feet, he thought back to yesterday, and the man from Samezuka.</p><p> </p><p>Sousuke was different. Definitely the ‘strong, silent type’, much like Haru was, he tried to communicate through expression more often than words. That felt familiar to Makoto, like putting on a favorite sweater, and he seemed to find himself around Sousuke repeatedly throughout the day. When Sousuke was elsewhere, the guys gossiped about the sub, spilling to Makoto that the man told nothing about himself, and didn’t make any effort to make friends while he was there. It was clear he was here for a short while, and wanted to leave as quickly and quietly as he came. Some of the crew thought he was being punished by his home fire station and was made to come out here during the holidays, and that was the reason for the poor attitude. Makoto wasn’t convinced.</p><p> </p><p>He could tell there was a reason Sousuke was so closed off, but he learned over the past day that his encyclopedic knowledge of Haru’s expressions and their meanings did not translate to anyone else, and certainly not to the tall dark-haired man from Samezuka. Makoto found Sousuke mopping again and took his one-word answers as permission to talk. Makoto didn’t know why he said what he said; talking about being tired, how his mind was such a mess, and suddenly the sub spun around and barked at him. Haru never did that.</p><p> </p><p>He must have annoyed Sousuke. Not everyone likes being monologued at-and he was sure Haru just tolerated it at least half of the time. The subject matter wasn’t really appropriate to talk about with a stranger, either. As he walked, Makoto’s shoulders slumped in disappointment.</p><p> </p><p>And then there was the question…<em>What are you doing here, then?</em> A good question. At the station, he was almost certainly a nuisance. Obviously not on the schedule, and the day’s tasks had likely been doled out at the meeting he missed. Sasabe let him stay and threw simple cleaning and maintenance at him, but didn’t trust him to be of any actual help. Everyone had to work around him yesterday. For another week and a half, Makoto had no reason to be there.</p><p> </p><p>His friends, who had been very kind and generous with their time, needed nothing from him. When he asked, they waved their hands dismissively, saying they should really be helping him, but Makoto knew the loss was hard on all of them, too. The last thing he wanted to do was add on to that with his own feelings and problems, so he hid them. He stuffed them down hard enough that he could force a smile over the top of them, so he could sort them out in his own time. They all told him he should be grieving. It didn’t escape notice that Makoto hadn’t shed a tear since the night Haru passed.</p><p> </p><p>His parents and siblings had been loving and sympathetic. They’d talked and talked about how strong he was being through all of this, how it all takes time, and asked if he was eating and taking care of himself. He politely listened, and assured them that he was eating. They didn’t need his help with anything either, again suggesting that he focus on dealing with his grief.</p><p> </p><p>The fire station was his last hope to fill that void of purpose and meaning that Haru’s place in Makoto’s life naturally filled, but they obviously didn’t need him there. So, there was only one place left to go-the one that everyone had repeatedly suggested over and over again.</p><p> </p><p>Home. If he could even call it that anymore with Haru gone.</p><p> </p><p>The apartment was where he felt the lack of Haru most keenly, yet the world seemed to be holding him here-forcing him to viscerally feel the emptiness day in and day out. He would never awake to the sound of splashing in the tub again-never groggily stumble into the bathroom to haul his husband out by his delicate, pruned hands. He avoided actually using any of the kitchen, save the refrigerator, to store delivery leftovers in. He couldn’t bear to touch the grill pan sitting on a burner, where Haru left it that morning.</p><p> </p><p>Sleep evaded him and whenever he happened to glance at himself in the bathroom mirror, the pallor of his skin was faded just a little more-his eyes just that much more glassy-the bags under his eyes that much darker. But, Makoto thought, perhaps that was better than dreaming.</p><p> </p><p>Restlessness pulled him out of bed this morning, and carried him down familiar streets to a coffee shop, and now he was in out the cold again, snow softly falling in fat flakes. The men at the station might be waking up soon. Perhaps he wouldn’t stay so long today-maybe he could help cook breakfast. He noticed he was already passing the convenience store a block away from the station, and an ad in the window gave Makoto an idea. He may have misread Sousuke yesterday, but maybe he could make amends with what he knew now. He entered the store, and left the cold snowy breeze outside as the sliding doors closed behind him.</p><p> </p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>Sousuke woke early-before sunrise, and as usual for an overnight shift, slightly disoriented. His phone vibrated on the side table near his head. Rolling on his side, he cracked a teal eye open and snaked his arm out from the covers. His hand felt around blindly on the table’s surface for the source of the noise.</p><p> </p><p>Table…more table…then something cold. Sousuke sat up, eyebrows knit together as he found his phone in the dark and ceased the buzzing. He noticed a cylinder, sitting vertically on the table. By the light of his phone screen, he made out that it was a bottle- a small bottle of tea. He reached out and grabbed it. This wasn’t there when he went to sleep-he was sure of it.</p><p><br/>Cold. Much colder than the room. Someone placed it there recently. He peered around the room and the rest of the men were fast asleep, some snoring quietly into their pillows.</p><p> </p><p>Suddenly the exchange from yesterday floated through his mind…</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Can I get you a cup of coffee?”</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>“I don’t drink coffee, thanks.”</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>“Tea?”</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>Makoto didn’t come all this way and sneak in here to give him tea, did he? Was he even still here?</p><p> </p><p>Sousuke dressed quietly and went to look for him.</p><p> </p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>Slumped forward on an empty table, under a single lit light in the dining room, was Makoto. The taller man approached slowly, watching to see any signs of wakefulness from the brown-haired fireman. With each step, Makoto never moved. He pulled a chair out from the table and sat, watching closely.</p><p> </p><p>He DID stay. But why was he here so early? Most importantly, why bring a gift for him, a man he barely knew, and was nothing but callous and rude to him during one of the most awful times of his life? As Sousuke sat there, questions about Makoto began to fill his mind. So many that he wanted to ask – the goal of keeping his distance at this firehouse drifting further away with each new question. After the revelation the night before, he was finding it harder and harder to care about that.</p><p> </p><p>If the blue-haired firefighter was right last night, Makoto was now walking the same path Sousuke had been on for five years already. Sousuke pitied him.</p><p> </p><p>He slumped down on the table, propping his chin on his crossed arms to get on the same level as Makoto’s sleeping face. He studied Makoto’s face for a moment, and wondered what he looked like when he was happy. Sousuke’s curiosity about the man in front of him grew.</p><p> </p><p>He mentally shook himself after a moment of realizing how creepy he was being. What was he doing, checking out a man that was suffering? Disgusting.</p><p> </p><p>But…maybe he could at least talk to Makoto. Maybe try to help him? At least let him know he wasn’t alone. He reached out for the tea bottle and began to spin it slowly on the table as he thought.</p><p> </p><p>What could he even say, though? What could he do? What would have made him feel better, back when Rin passed? Rin, oh god.</p><p> </p><p>There was that to consider, too. If he helped, or acted like he had gone through this before, he’d feel obligated to reciprocate with stories of his own. He wasn’t sure he was ready for that. For anyone to know those things. Makoto had, after a single day, gotten closer to what he kept locked away than anyone else, and he didn’t even know it. Makoto felt…different. Maybe a good different. Definitely a dangerous different.</p><p> </p><p>He side-eyed the sleeping man, letting, for a few minutes anyway, the questions flit unchecked around his mind.</p><p> </p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>How long they sat there, he wasn’t sure. He didn’t hear anyone come in, didn’t hear anyone walk to the light switches. The only thing that pulled him out of his reverie was the harsh flood of fluorescent lighting snapping the room into full brightness. As Sousuke sat up in surprise, he knocked the bottle over with a loud bang, which woke Makoto up, the brown-haired firefighter jolting upright with a snort and a wince at the bright light around them. The green eyes blinked slowly awake and immediately focused on the shocked, teal eyes staring right back.</p><p> </p><p>“Sousuke…”</p><p> </p><p>“Makoto, sorry, I, uh…”</p><p> </p><p>“What are you two doing, sitting here in the dark?”  A loud voice boomed at them. The captain sauntered over. He looked between Sousuke and Makoto, a look of concern and curiosity oozed across his face.</p><p> </p><p>After a short pause Makoto said sheepishly, “I uh…couldn’t sleep, so I came in a little early…and then, heh, guess I fell asleep…here…” Sasabe considered this, then turned to Sousuke with his eyebrow raised.</p><p> </p><p>“I just woke up, and, noticed him here.” Sousuke paused, but it wasn’t enough for the captain, so he finished, “…so I was just about to wake him up.” There were more questions behind Sasabe’s silence, but he never spoke them, just sighed.</p><p> </p><p>“Makoto, you know where the bunks are. You could have used one of those,” Makoto nodded, but the captain continued, “and obviously you need sleep, but I can’t let you just bunk here like this is camp. And in your condition…” Sasabe sighed deeply, “Makoto, you can’t stay here. I’m sending you home. This morning.”</p><p> </p><p>“But, captain, I...” Makoto stood, his eyes opened in panic and pleading.</p><p> </p><p>Sasabe interrupted, “NO, Makoto. Things went OK yesterday, but I’m afraid for your safety if you’re so exhausted. You. Need. To. Sleep…At HOME.” At this, Sousuke saw the color in Makoto’s eyes dim even more. There was a pause, where it seemed Makoto was trying to figure out a counter-argument, when Sousuke spoke up, surprised at his own voice.</p><p> </p><p>“I’ll take him home.” Both men looked at him in surprise.</p><p> </p><p>“You sure?” Sasabe asked. There was that look again. The captain leveled his eyes at the tall fireman, saying, “We can always have one of our guys get him home. You really don’t need to go out of your way…”</p><p> </p><p>Sousuke interrupted, perhaps a little too quickly, “It’s fine. I’ll be heading out after turnover anyway. I’ll just hand over to my replacement when he gets here and we can go,” He glanced at Makoto, who now looked like he’d just been betrayed by the tall, teal-eyed man. His eyes glinted with frustration.</p><p> </p><p>Makoto muttered, “I can get home just fine myself, thank y-”</p><p> </p><p>“Well, if you’re sure…thanks Yamazaki-san,” the captain interrupted, patting Sousuke on the back, “Now, let’s start rustling up some grub!” Makoto glared at the back of Sousuke’s head throughout breakfast.</p><p> </p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>After breakfast, Sousuke found Makoto and the two left the station. The snow stopped sometime while they were inside, and as it was still quite early, Iwatobi had yet to wake up, leaving the air quiet aside from the crunch of snow under their feet. Makoto led them into Iwatobi proper and along the coast, where a shallow white beach spread out to the right of them and the sound of the ocean waves lapping the shore joined sound of their footsteps. They walked down the sidewalk along the beach, both gazing at the water. Neither said a word for quite some time.</p><p> </p><p>“The tea…” Sousuke started, and pulled the bottle from his pocket, “came from you, didn’t it?” Makoto turned his head away from the shoreline and looked sheepishly at Sousuke, and nodded.</p><p> </p><p>“Why?” Makoto stopped walking, and shrugged.</p><p> </p><p>“You said you didn’t get any tea yesterday…”, Makoto offered, but the taller man felt the sentence was incomplete. He raised an eyebrow for Makoto to continue. A few moments of squirming and he did.</p><p> </p><p>“…And, I wanted to apologize.” Surprise flashed across Sousuke’s face for a moment before he schooled it back into neutral.</p><p> </p><p>“For what?” He turned and they began walking again.</p><p> </p><p>“For everything, really…” Makoto began, “making you take time away from your family, your friends, your home fire station, to cover for me. For annoying you when you clearly didn’t want to talk. For telling you things that were way too personal-“</p><p> </p><p>Sousuke interrupted, “It’s fine, Makoto.”</p><p> </p><p>“I’m sorry you had to walk me home, like I’m some sort of charity case.”</p><p> </p><p>“Hey,” the taller man gripped Makoto’s bicep, pulling him to a halt, “it’s fine. Really. I’m…” he shrugged, “glad I can help.” Makoto nodded, and started walking again, with Sousuke falling into step a second later.</p><p> </p><p>“Thank you,” Sousuke mumbled, and slid the tea back into his coat.</p><p> </p><p>The rest of the walk, neither spoke.</p><p>***</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>“You’re going to sleep now, right?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yes…”</p><p> </p><p>“You’re not gonna…I dunno, clean your kitchen or something…”</p><p> </p><p>Makoto huffed, making the tips of his brown hair jump, “No…”</p><p> </p><p>“Ok,” Sousuke stared into Makoto’s eyes, which again made him feel a little warmer, and the realization that they were alone triggered a slight flicker in his resolve to just drop the shorter man off and leave. What if he needed help with something? Would he feel better if Sousuke stayed? Would that have made HIM feel better? Some always-angry-looking guy who he barely knew volunteering to walk him home, also volunteering to stay with him…alone.</p><p> </p><p>No, that would be creepy.</p><p> </p><p>“Sousuke?” He jolted as he suddenly had a gloved hand waving in his face, “You didn’t freeze on me, did you?”</p><p> </p><p>“Uh, no…” He replied, “You don’t need anything? Food or…something?”</p><p> </p><p>“No, thank you. I should be fine.”</p><p> </p><p>“Tea?” At this, Makoto chuckled-such a wonderful sound. It may have been the light playing tricks on him, but he could swear he saw those green eyes become a little brighter at that, and it made the taller man feel good in a way he hadn’t in about five years.</p><p> </p><p>“I have some inside.”</p><p> </p><p>“Ok. Then, I should probably go,” He didn’t want to go-knowing that this may likely be the last time he ever saw him. A week from now, he would be back at Samezuka, celebrating Christmas eve with a coworker’s family. He just knew he’d be wondering how Makoto was.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah,” Makoto turned and unlocked his door with glove-clumsy fingers, and turned back to face the other man. “Thank you. For understanding, and…this.” Sousuke nodded in response and Makoto turned back to the door to open it. Finally turning back to Sousuke again, he started, “Well, it was very nice to meet you, Sousuke.”</p><p> </p><p>“You too, Makoto.” As Makoto turned to disappear inside, Sousuke remembered. He never apologized. Not once. He was about to and then got pulled away for the call, and that was that. Makoto was gone by the time they arrived back at the station. But Makoto was here now, for the next handful of seconds.</p><p> </p><p>“Makoto,” He turned to face Sousuke, hand still on the door knob. The taller man swallowed hard, and said, “It…should really be me apologizing…” Makoto’s brows pulled together, “for yelling at you yesterday.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, really Sousuke, I-“</p><p> </p><p>“No, please,” Sousuke interrupted, staring with the pleading look right into Makoto’s softening eyes, “Please believe me. I wouldn’t have said that if I’d known. No one told me-I didn’t know. I’m so sorry.” After a pause, where Makoto struggled with how to respond, he settled with a simple nod.</p><p> </p><p>“Thank you. I should really get inside.”</p><p> </p><p>Sousuke backed away and Makoto stepped into the genkan.</p><p> </p><p>“Goodbye, Sousuke.”</p><p> </p><p>“Goodbye, Makoto,” And with that, the door finally closed with a quiet, assertive click. Sousuke took a deep breath and sighed, the moisture turning into a cloud of vapor, and turned to walk back to the station, and to home, feeling like something was still left undone.</p><p> </p><p>Makoto locked his door and stood at it, watching the man outside take his moment, and begin to walk away. Well, that was certainly unexpected. He felt that he earned Sousuke’s rebuke last night. He thought back to the glance he spared the black-haired man last night over dinner and the surprise and realization that coated his features. Rei was sitting next to him-he must have told Sousuke everything. And then, when the call came in and he called Makoto’s name-the look on his face. It wasn’t pity-that was one way the sub was different from everyone else who knew of this. It was recognition. It was…understanding, maybe? But that didn’t seem to make sense. To go from roughly indifferent, to serious concern in what seemed to be a single moment seemed so unlikely, yet he saw the look on his face-last night and today. As sorry as he seemed, he didn’t offer anything other than an apology.</p><p> </p><p>When Sousuke was out of sight, Makoto glanced around the apartment, finally taking it in for the first time in a week. The mess on the coffee table he’d left the night of the accident. His eyes trailed across the room, from the couch to the sliding door that led to their modest balcony. The light filtering through the blinds leaving stripes across Haru’s easel and the cotton sheet covering his latest work.</p><p> </p><p>Haru had been incredibly secretive of this latest one he was working on-always keeping it covered, never letting Makoto see it. <em>Well,</em> Makoto thought, <em>guess that doesn’t matter now.</em></p><p> </p><p>He realized sadly that he’d have at least one more phone call to make-assuming he could figure out who this piece belonged to. Makoto crossed slowly over to it, curiosity overwhelming the exhaustion that should have been pulling him to the bedroom.</p><p> </p><p>The stiff canvas sheet Haru spread on the floor to catch paint drops crinkled as Makoto stepped on it. He stood about a head taller than the easel-a height Haru was comfortable with either sitting or standing at. Makoto was so close now, that his fingers played with the edge of the cotton covering, his body trying to decide when to peel the sheet away.</p><p> </p><p>Haru worked on various sized canvases and with various mediums, but this one was rather large, filling the easel and extending out horizontally. Though he was known best for watercolor (because, of course he was), he also did quite stunning work in chalk, and charcoal and acrylic and hell, in college he did a work only in crayon.</p><p> </p><p>It got him an A, and it was beautiful.</p><p> </p><p>He looked behind him, checking that the coast was clear-a habit formed back when Haru was much shyer about showing unfinished work to anyone. Even Makoto. The man secretly hoped that Haru would appear to stop him. To lecture him for the millionth time about not touching a work in progress.</p><p> </p><p>Now, there would be no reprimand, no more would Makoto utter those placating phrases like, “Sorry, Haru! I just couldn’t help it.” Or, “I just wanted to take a peek.” Or his personal favorite, a simple soft peck on Haru’s forehead. These would usually soften the shorter man enough that the glare would fade and he would get gently pushed away from the work area, hearing cross mutterings like “…don’t even know what you’re looking at…”</p><p> </p><p>Makoto sighed, and finally peeled away the sheet. He instantly knew there would be no phone call to make-no email to write. What he saw stopped his breath and tears began forming in the corners of his eyes. He swallowed, and swallowed again, but the wetness seemed only to grow. It was indeed magnificent, and so familiar Makoto had dreamed of it many, many times. A dream that would now sour and darken and likely transform into one of his worst nightmares.</p><p> </p><p>The silence of the apartment began to encroach again as the two pairs of eyes looked back at him from the canvas. Happy, content, almost flippantly so.</p><p> </p><p>He was doing so well up to this point. Haru would’ve been proud of how he was dealing with things, wouldn’t he? Or would he look at Makoto like he did when he was being profoundly stupid-like every other time he wasn’t taking care of himself.  He was avoiding the inevitable, but still pushed the feelings back again, and mumbled a “Sorry, Haru…” to the blue-eyes in the painting.</p><p> </p><p>He couldn’t stand it. He couldn’t stay. He couldn’t really go anywhere, so that narrowed it down to one place. He hastily covered up the canvas again and grabbed his hat, gloves and coat. He slipped his boots on and flew out the door, leaving the silent apartment, the sleep he was supposed to be catching up on completely forgotten.</p><p> </p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>The sun was now fully above the horizon and turned the sea into shimmering gold. What a beautiful place, Sousuke thought.</p><p> </p><p>He stopped on his way back to the station and watched the waves hit the shore-and let his mind wander to thoughts of his late husband. Rin would’ve loved this place, he decided. As he was still alone out by the beach, he took a moment and focused his attention on trying to feel Rin beside him-feel the warmth and strength he felt whenever the red-head was by his side.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s beautiful, isn’t it?” Sousuke mumbled.</p><p> </p><p>“It sure is!” a voice answered, “I just wish it was warmer. Bet that water feels great in the summer.”</p><p> </p><p>Sousuke chuckled, “You swim in a pool twelve hours a day, and you’re still itching to take a dip?”</p><p> </p><p>He heard a sharp laugh, “Of course! I’m your ‘little shark’. I have to live up to my moniker, if nothing else.” The fireman shook his head, and paused for a moment.</p><p> </p><p>“I met a guy yesterday. At the station.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oooh! Do tell.”</p><p> </p><p>“It’s not like that. He’s hurting, too. His husband just passed away…”</p><p> </p><p>“…and?”</p><p> </p><p>“And…” Sousuke took a deep breath and sighed, “I yelled at him.”</p><p> </p><p>“I know.”</p><p> </p><p>“But I apologized! Today, I did.”</p><p> </p><p>“…”</p><p> </p><p>“He makes me feel…he’s pulling all these old feelings back up again. I got scared. I’m not ready to deal with…”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah,” the voice was soothing now. The waves continued to slap at the shore. Sousuke bowed his head.</p><p> </p><p>“I really miss you, Rin.”</p><p> </p><p>“It’s been five years, Sou.”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah…?”</p><p> </p><p>“And I know you. Your heart’s bigger than you think.”</p><p> </p><p>“What’s that supposed to mean?” An edge starting to creep into Sousuke’s tone.</p><p> </p><p>“Don’t you think it’s time to try letting someone else in?”</p><p> </p><p>“I’m fine.”</p><p> </p><p>“I hate seeing you alone like this.”</p><p> </p><p>“…”</p><p> </p><p>“Seriously, you <em>know</em> I can’t do anything for you anymore.”</p><p> </p><p>“I have you like this. What’s wrong with this?”</p><p> </p><p>The voice sighed, “Sousuke. C’mon.”</p><p> </p><p>“What?”</p><p> </p><p>“I’m just saying, I’m sure there’s still enough room for…”</p><p><br/><br/>“I SAID I’M FINE,” Sousuke shouted, causing a seagull to leap into the air at the sudden noise. “I had you. I don’t need anything else. This is fine.”</p><p> </p><p>There was a long pause where he feared he was left alone.</p><p> </p><p>“Rin?”</p><p> </p><p>The voice sighed after a moment, “I miss you too, Sou. But you’re hurting.”</p><p> </p><p>“Rin…”</p><p> </p><p>“And I’m dead.”</p><p> </p><p>“Jesus…”</p><p> </p><p>“And there’s someone else who needs you now. Pull your head out of your ass. And LOOK. UP.” Sousuke lifted his head. When he turned, there was no Rin, but instead Makoto was walking his way-his eyes focused on the ground in front of him.</p><p> </p><p>He waited until the brown-haired man was close enough and called out, “Hey, aren’t you supposed to be in bed?” Makoto’s eyes went wide as he was pulled back to the present and snapped his head to face Sousuke, surrounded by gold light glistening off the water.</p><p> </p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>Makoto was defenseless, embarrassed and shivering a bit. They stared into each other’s eyes for a moment before the brown-haired man realized he still needed to answer for what he was doing there-most definitely not where he promised he’d be.</p><p> </p><p>“I…ah…” he started, but Sousuke finished.</p><p> </p><p>“couldn’t stay home, right?”</p><p> </p><p>Makoto for the second time that day scrambled for words to patch together a logical explanation.</p><p> </p><p>“N-No. Actually, was going to pay my respects before going to bed.” The taller man lifted an eyebrow.</p><p> </p><p>“That right?”</p><p> </p><p>Now, still shivering, but braver, Makoto said, “Yes. I-I didn’t go on our way back because you were so kind to walk me home, and I didn’t want to keep you any longer than necessary.”</p><p> </p><p>Sousuke shrugged, “I don’t mind going with you.”</p><p> </p><p>“I couldn’t possibly ask you -“</p><p> </p><p>“You didn’t.” Sousuke said, eyes becoming firmer, “I offered.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh. Well…it’s up here.” He started walking and the teal-eyed man caught up, matching pace back down the shoreline.</p><p> </p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>The view from up here was breath-taking. Along the beach, and up a narrow, steep staircase and they were standing on a small hill with a shrine behind them and a wide view of the seaside in front of them. They leaned on the railing looking out over the view.</p><p> </p><p>“You should see the view from here during Obon,” Makoto said, “we have a fireworks festival where they set off from that jut of land right out there, and the sky erupts. They look so close, it’s as if you could reach out and touch them.”</p><p> </p><p>Sousuke hummed appreciatively, “So,” getting them back on track, “where’s the grave marker?”</p><p> </p><p>“The grave?” Makoto looked puzzled for a moment, and then huffed a laugh and shook his head, “not here.”</p><p> </p><p>“Then, what are we doing…?”</p><p> </p><p>“Haru.”</p><p> </p><p>“Excuse me?”</p><p> </p><p>“My partner’s name is Haru-was…Haru,” Makoto said, “he had such an odd sense of humor. I think maybe only a handful of us ever understood when he was trying to be funny. He had a very tongue-in-cheek name for this place. He called it the ‘Lookout of Emotion’.” A story was coming, Sousuke knew. He was being let in on something perhaps no one else had heard before. And, unlike the comments at the fire station, he was ready this time. He turned to face Makoto then. After a breath, Makoto turned his head to meet Sousuke’s and continued.</p><p> </p><p>“So many moments happened right here. Our first fight happened here-part of our first date was here. And,” he turned to face Sousuke fully, “our commitment ceremony was held here.”</p><p> </p><p>After a beat Sousuke muttered, “so much emotion…” and Makoto smiled slightly, and turned to lean on the railing again.</p><p> </p><p>“Right? You get it. This was always such a special place for us. I always thought that if I couldn’t find Haru in water or at home, I could find him here. More often than not, I’d be right,” Makoto leaned farther over the rail facing the jagged rocks below, “but not today.”</p><p> </p><p>Sousuke studied the man for a moment, as a cold unease built at the base of his spine. What would he have done here, had he been alone?</p><p> </p><p>“Makoto, maybe you shouldn’t lean that far over…”</p><p> </p><p>“I’m fine.” He could tell the shorter man was shivering and getting colder by the minute-curling into himself to try keeping out the chill of the wind.</p><p> </p><p>“Please…”</p><p> </p><p>Makoto considered Sousuke for a long moment and moved slowly away from the railing, “Ok…sorry.”</p><p> </p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>Arriving back at Makoto’s apartment for the second time, Sousuke watched the shorter man surprise even himself as he popped his door open without a key. In his haste to leave the apartment again, he never locked his door. Makoto turned to face Sousuke and at only a foot apart, the taller man noticed a few things.</p><p> </p><p>“You should come back when it’s summer. The lookout is much nicer in the summer.”</p><p> </p><p>The man’s face was red and he was sweating. For a firefighter who has to stay physically fit, that walk they just did should have been a breeze, but Makoto seemed to have run a marathon.</p><p> </p><p>“The fireworks, the lanterns on the water…”</p><p> </p><p>And he was shivering. All of this pointed to one conclusion.</p><p> </p><p>“and the squid! I forgot to tell you about-“</p><p> </p><p>“Makoto,” Sousuke interrupted suddenly, “are you feeling alright?” It may have been a blush at the severe attention, but it seemed Makoto’s face became even more red.</p><p> </p><p>“I-I’m fine! Just a little chilly is all.”</p><p> </p><p>“Uh huh.” He didn’t believe the green-eyed man for a second. Who the hell knows where he would run off to next? And, in his condition-rapidly disintegrating as it was, going out again wouldn’t do him any favors. Sousuke struggled with what to do next.</p><p> </p><p>He said he was sorry-he got to do that. He got a little extra bit of Tachibana to himself. Got some questions answered. Good. That was good, but why did he still feel responsible? Shouldn’t he feel relief now? Makoto still needed help. Seconds again were ticking by until they parted, and he somehow felt he shouldn’t and couldn’t leave him alone. He had to make his decision NOW.</p><p> </p><p>“Anyway…” Makoto began, trying to change the subject, “I appreciate you going with me. To the lookout. Take care, Sousuke.” Makoto went to push the door open and enter and he noticed Sousuke had moved closer behind him. He turned and plastered on a fake grin that wobbled like a spinning plate, “And, don’t worry. I’m going to bed now. To sleep.”</p><p> </p><p>“Yes, you are.” Sousuke moved past Makoto and held the door open for him. “You wanna know how I know for sure?”</p><p> </p><p>The smile fell off Makoto’s face, “How?”</p><p> </p><p>“I’m going to make you.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>A phone rings.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Haru! Where are you? I thought you’d be home by now. It’s getting kind of late for dinner...”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“…”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Haru?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“…”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Haru? Hello? It’s-it’s really noisy on that end. Can you hear me?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Mr. Tachibana? Tachibana Makoto?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yes, who’s this? Where’s Haru?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Sir, I’m sorry to be calling. This is Officer Nakamura of the Iwatobi police. You were listed as the emergency contact for Nanase Haruka?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Y-yes, I am.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I’m afraid there was an accident, sir. I think you should get down to the hospital right away. It’s quite serious.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Oh god…”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Mr. Tachibana? Sir? Hello? Are you still there?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>***</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Two white tablets dropped into Makoto’s palm, and his other hand already held a glass of water.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I really don’t think I need these.” Makoto frowned at the pills. Sousuke sighed. He definitely did, even if he wouldn’t admit it. They were inside Makoto’s apartment now, where it was already quite warm, but the shivering and the sweating had not abated. He was trying to play host for the taller man, but time was on Sousuke’s side as the little energy the brown-haired firefighter had began to slip away, and with it, control on his emotions. Sousuke pondered if this is what young Makoto might have been like if he didn’t want to take a nap, but gave himself a sharp mental slap as a reminder that he was here for a reason.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Just take ‘em, alright?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Makoto sighed and tossed them back and chased them with a gulp from the glass.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Ok. Now-“</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Bed. I know.” Makoto scowled. Sousuke was surprised to see a harsh side to the man, but it was tempered with how exhausted the words sounded. It was almost cute. Almost.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What are you gonna do…while I’m in there?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sousuke shrugged, “I have my phone. I’ll order us some food for later and have it delivered. I’ll probably just relax on your couch.” Makoto nodded, and looked past the taller man to the other end of the room.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Ok. I’m going. But one more thing…”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yeah?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Makoto gathered all the energy he could muster and gave an icy glare right into those teal eyes, “Don’t you DARE touch that easel.” With that he turned and disappeared into his room and shut the door quietly. The tension that gripped him from that look alone slowly dissipated.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Well, that was…scary, Sousuke thought as he turned around to take in that part of the living room. He briefly noticed the wooden legs sticking out from underneath the sheet draped over it. Now that Makoto said something, there was a bit of an itch forming in the back of his mind. What could be so important about it? Makoto didn’t mention anything about painting…maybe it was his husband’s…</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Either way he wasn’t going to get any answers about it soon. He threw himself down on the couch and ordered some lunch to be delivered in a few hours’ time, and with nothing else to occupy him, he fluffed the cushions on the couch and stretched out, and put in his earbuds to take a nap.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>***</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The moments come in flashes. Everything hurts. He’s not sure if he’s dreaming as he steps into Haru’s house on the hill-so familiar, and smelling mackerel on the grill. Then, a burst of light in a dark room-birthday candles illuminating the young wide-eyed faces around him, but directly across the cake are a pair of thoughtful blue eyes-almost black in the candlelight. There’s a chill as he looks up to see those blue eyes concentrating very hard on placing the coal on the snowman’s face just right. He’s always so close. He could reach out and touch him if he had enough time. But when he goes to move his hand, he’s swept away to another time and place.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>Wait!</em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>Next, raindrops hitting his face during a thunderstorm with the sensation of lying on wet sand and those same blue eyes-now terrified and concerned blinking down at him.  A burst of chlorine enters his nostrils as he watches that same boy tear his clothes off and dash to the edge of the pool. A cool, sweet tang hits his tongue as he bites into a popsicle at the same time the boy with blue eyes does, and their eyes meet.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>Slow down. Please.</em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>Now, there’s sound-the soundtrack to their lives together. The things they said. That boy was now in a bathtub.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Good morning, Haru-chan!”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I TOLD you not to call me that,” the boy would mutter.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Then, Haru’s voice flooded his ears in a torrent of emotion.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Makoto, are you alright?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You’re still afraid of the ocean, aren’t you?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What future, what is it that you think I have??”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I SAID I’M FINE SO JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I’m...coming to Tokyo…too”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I’m sorry.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I-I love you, Makoto. I think I’ve always loved you.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>STOP!</em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>A thump is heard. “Well, that’s the last box, Makoto. We’re moved in. How about some Mackerel to celebrate?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The moments fly by. College, dates, quiet mornings holding the blue-eyed man close to him in bed on a day off, getting drunk together after the boy’s first piece of art sells. Their life together is passing before his eyes, far too fast, and every effort Makoto makes to stem the tide does nothing. His face feels wet, his breath hitches. He’s teetering on a precipice as he reaches the end. A second move. Lunch together at the fire station. The boy’s grimace when Makoto would come home smelling of smoke. Arms around him as he cooked breakfast. Kisses – so many kisses. And then.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>A phone rings.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>No…god, PLEASE!</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>An unfamiliar voice describes Makoto’s worst nightmare. The phone slips out of his hand. He’s at the hospital, and only vaguely hears what the doctor tells him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Surgery…life support…unresponsive…”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Silence. Darkness except for a lamp in the corner of the room, and the vital stat monitors surrounding the bed. He waits. Seconds pass, and there are no more moments to flit to.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>This is it.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Makoto slowly makes his way to the side of the bed-doing his best to not disrupt the artificial stillness that settles on every hospital room at night. There’s the gasp of the machine breathing for his husband-the tubes snaking over the bed and attached to his mouth twitch with each breath. He reaches down and grabs the hand nearest to him, and notices Haru is colder than usual. He squeezes it briefly, gently, but the hand remains limp. The man’s eyes stay closed.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Makoto surprises himself as he begins to speak.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Haru…hey, Haru…”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He talks and talks for what seem to be hours. He can’t necessarily understand what he’s saying, but it’s what he’s always done; filled the silence. Makoto began to wonder after they started dating if Haru just liked his voice, and that’s why he was so quiet all the time. Well, if he can’t give more than this, he’ll give it until he can’t anymore. That time comes faster than Makoto expected.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He was used to Haru pretending to ignore him, knowing he was still listening, but now. He didn’t know if anything was getting through. Before Makoto can begin to tire, his throat begins to tighten. His breath hitches as it struggles with a grimacing mouth to continue forming words. His eyes begin to blur and shimmer with tears.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>And then silence again.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Haru…where are you? Please don’t go...not where I can’t follow. Please.” He closes his eyes and tries vainly to swallow back the tears threatening to fall.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Makoto…hey, Makoto. Open your eyes.” He gasps, and cracks them open and sees he’s now standing on the sidewalk near the ocean, the sunset illuminating a young, skinny high school-aged Haru.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“HARU! Are you-what is this?” The firefighter steps closer, but Haru takes a step back.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Makoto?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Haru, oh god, I missed you so mu-“ Haru keeps moving back as Makoto advances. Makoto frowns, “what’s wrong?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I can’t stay long, Makoto…” the goodbye Makoto never got was fast approaching. His insides twisted with the resistance against the moment and the competing desire to hear his husband’s voice one last time.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Haru, no…don’t!  Please don’t…not here.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Haru nodded, “you’re right. Not here. But I do know a place. You know which one I’m talking about?”</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>“Of course, Haru.” Makoto’s eyes locked with those blues. He struggled so hard to imprint the sound of his voice and the small smile on his face, that he failed to recognize the scene changed yet again to his bedroom. He blinked and found himself laying on the bed, alone, in his darkened bedroom. He struggled and untangled his feet from the covers and pulled a hooded sweatshirt on over his sweat-soaked t-shirt and padded out, down the hall, past the living room where Sousuke was now quite-soundly sleeping. He slipped his boots on and stepped out of the apartment in such a hurry he never fully closed the door.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>I’m coming, Haru! Wait…wait for me!</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>***</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Two things rudely pulled Sousuke out of his slumber. One, was the loud knocking on the front door, and two was the subzero temperature of the room itself.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The knocking was insistent and seemed to be coming from inside the apartment.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Inside?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He slowly rolled around to the front of the couch and sat up, which yanked the quiet earbuds out of his ears, his phone asleep with an almost dead battery. He yawned and stretched his back and shoulders.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Coming!”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Ok! I have your delivery here? For a ‘Yamazaki’?” Yeah, that was definitely inside the apartment. He stood and when he reached the hallway, he found a short and fully bundled-up delivery person standing in Makoto’s genkan-the door open behind him. He frowned at the delivery person.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Since when do delivery staff let themselves in to people’s apartments?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Ah,” the other nervously fidgeted with the bag they were holding, “the door was open, so I figured I’d let myself in, instead of trying the doorbell. Saves you from having to let me in, heh!” Sousuke’s frown deepened. He pointed to the step where the apartment floor began.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You can set the food down there, and go. Thanks.” The other nodded and set the plastic bags down gently off to the side, on the step, and turned to make their exit. They froze when Sousuke asked, “The door was actually open?” The other nodded and then quickly left.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>How the hell did that happen? Makoto went in last-and seemed to lock the door…or maybe he didn’t. Or maybe his front door was broken. He wandered over to the door and jiggled the handle. Solid. He shrugged to himself and grabbed the bag of food and took it to the small kitchen. No wonder it was so cold in there. He did not notice Makoto’s boots were missing.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It was a brief search for plates and bowls and chopsticks and spoons and cups and he mentally patted himself on the back for retaining the skills he learned working for his family’s restaurant, because the delivery food looked very nicely plated, if he did say so himself. Glancing at the clock on the oven, it had been a few hours since they arrived and was nearing time for late-lunch. Makoto likely had a nice rest, and should probably get some food in him before resting some more. He sauntered down the hall to Makoto’s room and was just about to knock when he realized that door, too, was ajar. He knocked, gently at first, then with more power.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Makoto? You awake?” No answer. “Makoto, the food’s here.” Still nothing. It was dead silent in the room, and the longer the silence stretched on for, the more concerned Sousuke got. He gently pushed the door open, thinking he should check on the sick man. Makoto didn’t seem to be the kind to lash out at being woken up. Probably.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The door, wide open now, and with the light from the hallway spilling into the otherwise dark room, he found the bed empty. The anxiety from the overlook came shuddering back. It was a small, modest apartment-there weren’t many places for Makoto to go. He stepped quickly to the bathroom-empty. He looked in the toilet – empty.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“MAKOTO?” Silence answered. Makoto was gone. Again. It had been hours. Where was he? What was he doing? What was he <em>trying</em> to do? Each question caused the knot in his stomach to tighten and panic began thrilling through his body.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He muttered curses as he dashed to the entrance, grabbing Makoto’s keys, his own phone, throwing on his coat and boots and leaving swiftly and tugging on the handle of the door to ensure it was properly locked. He was going to find the feverish, brown-haired, calmly-disobedient fireman, and when he did…he had no idea what he would do to him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>***</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He was tired. The pain had only increased, wrapping his head in a vice-like hold. Yet, he stepped forward again and again. The wind was stronger now, and seemed to uncannily find every way possible under his hoodie, causing uncontrollable shivering. He was miserable. But he kept moving forward.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Because his husband was waiting.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The stairs weren’t difficult, but when he reached the top, a sudden burst of wind caught him in the face, causing his eyes to sting and water. He used the heel of his gloves to wipe his eyes, and when he lowered them, there, standing on the other end of the overlook was Haru.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>Finally.</em>
</p>
<p>***</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Was it a left here? Or a right? Sousuke wondered as he charged through Iwatobi, trying to pick out landmarks he thought he saw on the way to and from the apartment. He wasn’t panicking, but very close to it as he weighed the options of taking care of this situation, and this man, himself, or calling somebody.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>But who? He really only had the number to the fire station. Calling someone for help would make the small fire station short yet another man, and with as embarrassed as Makoto already was that morning, this would stack a new heaping pile of it on.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It was settled, then. He was responsible. He’d fix this.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>Oh yeah! This path leads down to the beach! I’m almost there.</em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>How long had he been asleep? He was stupid to drift off like that, and let Makoto sneak out. He had to find him, and fast. Sousuke had a good idea of where to find him, and with the man’s clear disregard for his own health and safety, he worried what the man was going to do when he got there.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The path leveled out and again the sea stretched out to one side of him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He broke into a sprint.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He was beautiful. His black hair was being tossed to and fro by the harsh winter wind. With his back to Makoto, he couldn’t see if he was wearing gloves or if his face was tinted pink like it did when he was cold. That thought was brief, drowned out by the joy of simply seeing Haru again. For a moment, the cold, the pain, the exhaustion dissipated. He was here with Haru and that’s all that mattered.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I knew I’d find you here.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The figure stood still and quiet.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I missed you, Haru.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“…”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The silence wasn’t necessarily out of character, but Haru chose this place. He waited for Makoto. And now he was just going to stand there, mute?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Haru? Can you hear me?” Makoto said.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yes, I can, Makoto.” Came a thin reply. Makoto let out the rest of the air in his lungs in a fond sigh.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Why don’t you turn around so we can see each other?” The suggestion was met with silence and stillness again. The wind kicked up yet again and blurred his vision. When he opened them, he was alone.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“HARU?!” Makoto yelled, and darted for where he last saw Haru. Looking around he saw nothing but landscape, covered in snow.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“No, no…NO.” He bent over the railing and looked down along the rocks below.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“HARU!!” Makoto bellowed, even louder, more desperate. The shaking was returning. He gripped the rail firmly to keep himself steady.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Here, Makoto.” From behind him now. Makoto whipped around to find Haru meters away, a wave of dizziness making him sway violently.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“HA-ru…” He part-gasped part-sobbed, “where did you go?” The shorter man stood silent, giving nothing away in his dispassionate blue eyes.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He so wanted to hear something-anything-from Haru. Something more to imprint upon his mind-something else to nestle away in the memories that would belong to future dreams.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I looked at the painting.” Still nothing.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Nothing? You won’t say anything?” Makoto pleaded, “not after everything that’s happened?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What am I supposed to say, Makoto?” The thin voice said, “After all the years, the words spoken-moments shared…what am I supposed to say?” Makoto openly gaped at Haru. The audacity he had to give that kind of weak-kneed crappy cop-out answer first shocked him, but as he found himself again a lost, vulnerable fury began to rise within him. His jaw tightened and teeth began to grit.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You say, ‘I’m sorry.’ You say, ‘Let’s go home. You haven’t been taking care of yourself, have you, Mako?’ Then you sigh, and drag me home and I tell you I’m fine, when I’m really dying inside and you make me MACKEREL. THAT’S WHAT YOU SAY NOW.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The taller man noticed a side of his husband’s mouth quirk up ever so slightly. “You DO look terrible. You haven’t been sleeping, have you?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He huffed a laugh, “It’s been years since I’ve had to sleep without my Haru-chan with me. Your side is so cold without you there. But, we can fix that now,” the taller man began advancing on his husband, relief causing the tension in his shoulders to seep out, “Let’s just go-”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Makoto…”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“-home and we’ll both get warmed up…and”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I can’t.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Why not?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You KNOW why.” and suddenly Makoto heard the tone. The long-sustained beep that pulled him out of his slumber in the hospital room that night. The tone that impassively announced the end to Haru’s life. He squeezed his eyes shut, trying to block out the noise and groaned as another wave of dizziness caused him to sway on his feet. Eventually the sound subsided. The tears falling now left freezing trails on Makoto’s cheeks. He rubbed again and opened his eyes to find Haru closer-his deep blue eyes boring into Makoto.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I know…” Makoto moaned. Haru nodded.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I miss you, Haru,” Makoto sobbed, “so MUCH.” Haru’s eyes softened and he nodded.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I’ve never asked for much, Haru. You know that. I’m a good person. The only thing I EVER wanted was you. With me. Forever. Why couldn’t I have that? We couldn’t WE have that? The one thing I was selfish over. Why did you have to go?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I don’t know, Mako.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“We made vows!” Makoto said, “To love and care for each other our entire lives! What happened to that?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“We did. Makoto, we did. ‘Until death’, right?” Makoto nodded, “the vow was fulfilled. I loved you with all the life I had in me. My time is done. But that doesn’t mean I don’t still love you. And you don’t just love me. You care for so many others. Your family and friends. Everyone at the fire station. You still have so much more to give.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“But they DON’T WANT it, Haru!” Makoto said, “I’ve been asking and asking! I feel so lost with nothing to do and no one to care for.” At this, he heard a laugh. The rarest of sounds that ever passed Haru’s lips.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You’re so smart, Makoto…how can you be this dense at the same time? You help them by letting them help YOU. Right now, they are as lost as you are. Give them direction. They want to help you, Mako, but they aren’t as pushy as I was about it. You need to ask.” He hadn’t considered this. Haru would have forced him into admitting what was wrong…would have forced him to relax. Haru would dig. But everyone else was polite. They didn’t pry. Was that what they meant by ‘grieving’? It was how they were saying, ‘tell us how to share this burden with you’, wasn’t it?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I-I was trying to be strong…f-for you. Be brave. Show you I’d be alright.” He shyly looked at Haru to find that familiar, fond smile shining back at him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You never needed to do that. Makoto is Makoto, after all. I love Makoto.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>With a wobbly smile, Makoto said, “I l-love Haru-chan, and I always will!”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>After a short pause, Haru said, “I’m sorry, Makoto. I’m sorry I left you.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I know.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“That’s the only reason why I’m letting you call me ‘Haru-chan’ right now.” At that, Makoto let out a surprised, wet giggle.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Okay.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You should get inside before you get worse.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I will.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Have some mackerel. There’s some in the freezer.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Okay.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Don’t follow me. Ok? I’ll never speak to you again if you try.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>This began to feel more and more final as the moments passed. Makoto rushed to think of anything-ANYTHING-that could keep Haru longer. Prolong the final words. But his mind kept coming up empty. This was it, and with it his chest began to clench and burn. The tears began to flow freely now and it was getting tougher to breathe around the hitch in his throat.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“O-okay, Haru. I w-wont.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I love you, Makoto Tachibana.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I love you, Haruka Nanase.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The wind kicked up especially strong and again the taller man’s eyes blurred and he had to rub to clear them. As he did, Makoto could just hear Haru’s thin voice say, “Goodbye.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>When Makoto lowered his hand, he was alone again with the wind and the blowing snow, and the feelings of sorrow and loss he had so tenuously been holding back burst forth and Makoto wept.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>***</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He was sure it was these steps. Just 10 more. Sousuke thought he could hear a voice over the wind as he approached the stairs. Maybe he made it in time? There was only one way to find out-with a last burst of speed and taking the stairs two at a time, he reached the top to find the tall man with brown hair standing in the middle of the overlook, facing away. He took a moment to catch his breath and called out to the other man. The other didn’t respond, but he was moving slightly, his shoulders hunched and shaking. He approached, one slow step at a time until he was a few meters away and said, “Makoto. You ok?” Makoto gasped and turned to face Sousuke. At the sight of the devastated firefighter, Sousuke’s eyes went wide at the openly crying man.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“He’s gone, Sousuke…he’s GONE!”, Makoto cried. He will never know what came over him, but in that moment an instinct forced his body into action, screaming ‘COMFORT’ and ‘PROTECT’. He closed the gap and pulled the other into a hug and held the shivering firefighter as he finally wept over the loss, there in the winter wind.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>After the sobbing began to subside, he tried to get Makoto to stand on his own. He noticed that while the wind was cold and Makoto was shivering heavily, he felt like a furnace.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“C’mon, Makoto…up.” At the gentle tugging, Makoto stood, and quickly swayed on his feet and fell into the taller man-his body limp.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Makoto…come on. I need you to stand for me, okay?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>No response.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Makoto?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“…”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>A few more attempts to wake the man later, and Sousuke realized the waterline of this situation had just risen above his head. He was drowning. He pulled out his phone and dialed the fire station.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Kisumi? This is Yamazaki. I need help! It’s Tachibana!”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Ok, mister Olympic athlete…breakfast is ready.”</p>
<p>“…m-whuh?”</p>
<p>“Oi. Little shark…I got yer bucket ‘o chum here.”</p>
<p>“Ugh…gross, Sou...no, WAIT! That tickles!! AAH.”</p>
<p>“Gonna get up?”</p>
<p>“Hahahah! YES! Jesus, I’m up-I’M UP!”</p>
<p>“Good. C’mon… it’s gonna get cold if you-HEY. Did you just bite me?”</p>
<p>“Why go to the chum when I can devour you right HERE?”</p>
<p>“Haha...very funny. Get up.”</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>He doesn’t know how long he’s been staring at the floor between his feet, letting the background noise of the hospital waiting room float through one ear and out the other. It must have been a few hours now-his neck was stiff and his butt was numb.</p>
<p>He wasn’t sure what to do. Practically a stranger, it was definitely unnatural to be camped out, waiting to hear on the condition of a man he barely knew and would in all likelihood have no meaningful interaction with after this next week. He felt like he blew his chance to help. The food he’d ordered definitely long-since gone cold, still sitting where he left it on Makoto’s counter-his phone now completely dead. A voice in his head said he should go home. He couldn’t keep Makoto safe-he’d ended up here anyway. He should leave.</p>
<p>But Sousuke stayed.</p>
<p>He considered leaving again, but then a pair of shoes entered his vision and stopped, directly in front of him.</p>
<p>“Excuse me…” A cautious, young female voice said. He angled his head stiffly up and his eyes met a pair of bright light green ones smiling sadly down at him.</p>
<p>“Yamazaki? Sousuke Yamazaki?”</p>
<p>“That’s me,” Sousuke said. The eyes sparked and the young lady smiled brighter.</p>
<p>“Ah, good! I’m so glad you’re still here…” she held out a disposable coffee cup with a tea bag string sticking out from under the lid, “This is for you!”</p>
<p>He took it gingerly from her, “Thank you…uh, miss…?”</p>
<p>“Tachibana.” At this, some of the stiffness and numbness went away as Sousuke focused on her.</p>
<p>“You’re his sister?”</p>
<p>She nodded, and sat in the empty seat next to him, “Please call me Ran. It’s very nice to meet you! We were wondering if you might have left by now.”</p>
<p>“Not yet. How is he?” It was Ran’s turn to glance at the floor.</p>
<p>“He’ll be alright. He had a very high fever when they admitted him, but it’s going down now. He was just worn out. Seems he lied and told our parents that he was sleeping and taking care of himself. He hasn’t slept since the funeral. I can’t believe he would lie like that.”</p>
<p>There was a pause as Sousuke considered the hurt and anger that flashed across Ran’s eyes.</p>
<p>“I really don’t know him all that well,” Sousuke said, “but he seems like the kind of guy who doesn’t like to bother people with his problems. Maybe he thought he could shoulder the burden alone.”</p>
<p>Ran chuckled sourly and met Sousuke’s eyes, “You’re right. Absolutely right…Makoto’s always been that way. Self-sacrificing to a fault…that ass.” She pointed to the cup in his hand, “That’s green tea, by the way. He asked me to get you some if you were still here.”</p>
<p>It was Sousuke’s turn to laugh now, “Thanks, I appreciate it.” Ran shook her head.</p>
<p>“No, it really should be us thanking you. We knew he would take this really hard, but we didn’t know how reckless he was going to be! Maybe he always was and we just didn’t know it. When he’s healthy, he has a very disarming smile-warm and bright. Like looking into the sun. It’s his natural smile, but sometimes he uses it to cover up what he’s really feeling. Somehow, Haru could always tell the difference.” </p>
<p>They sat quietly for a moment, letting the words have some space.</p>
<p>“Would you like to see him?” Ran asked, “I’m sure you’ve got things to do and they aren’t letting Makoto out for a few days to make sure he actually sleeps, but if you want to see him before you go, I’m sure he’d like to see you.”</p>
<p>“Uh, sure.”</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>As they approached room 2023, she stopped them just outside with a small touch on Sousuke’s arm, “He may be a little out of it,” she said, “they’ve given him a small sedative to calm him down and get him sleepy.”</p>
<p>Sousuke nodded, and they continued inside.</p>
<p>It was a very standard private room, with the bed on the left and bathroom to your immediate left as you entered. The day progressed into evening while he was waiting, as it was dark outside the large window, with only the overhead bed lights keeping the room in a thin glow.</p>
<p>They turned the small corner around a curtain, and there was Makoto, still looking weak and pale. His eyelids fluttering, heavy. His eyes focused on the other two people in the room-an older man and woman, who were speaking solemnly to Makoto. They turned to face Sousuke and Ran and smiled.</p>
<p>“You were able to find him, then? Very good!” The older woman said. They stood and bowed and introductions were made. They were his parents as anyone who looked at his mother’s eyes could see-his green droopy eyes were the exact same as his mother’s, and he had his father’s height.</p>
<p>Makoto, who hadn’t noticed Ran and Sousuke arrive, frowned at his parents. “Mom, where are you <br/>going?”</p>
<p>She turned to him and gestured at the newcomers, “Ran is back with Yamazaki-kun. He wanted to say hello.” Makoto squinted at her and muttered the name to himself, and his gaze rolled over to the other two. When green met teal again, Makoto’s eyes went wide and he blushed furiously, like a child caught with their hand in the cookie jar. </p>
<p>“Sousuke!”</p>
<p>He gave a small wave and the corners of his mouth pulled up into a small smile, “Hi, Makoto. How are you?” Makoto bowed his head, his bangs covering his eyes as he said quietly, “I’m…I-I’m really ti-I mean…I feel better. Thank you for helping me.”</p>
<p>“Yes, we all owe you quite a bit of thanks,“ his mother said as she bowed deeply, “If it wasn’t for you, I hate to think of what would have happened to him all alone out there.”</p>
<p>“I’m happy I could help, Tachibana-san.” Sousuke said and bowed deeply.</p>
<p>“I just wish he would have told us what was happening. The boy keeps so much inside him.”</p>
<p>“Mother…” Makoto sighed.</p>
<p>“Well, it’s true,” she replied, “Remember what you promised us, now.” Makoto now looking properly chastised, nodded silently.</p>
<p>“I think we’re going to step out and get some dinner, and we’ll be back later. Do you want us to bring anything, Makoto?” He shook his head no. The Tachibana’s gathered their coats and murmured goodbyes to Makoto as Sousuke stood awkwardly at the foot of Makoto’s bed, not really knowing what to do next. The brown-haired firefighter should get some rest. That’s what he’d been trying to get Makoto to do all day anyway. Sticking around would just keep him up.</p>
<p>“I think I’ll probably go too, so...” Sousuke said. At this, Makoto whipped his head up, his eyes meeting Sousuke’s with an expression that stilled the taller man.</p>
<p>His mother turned to him, saying, “I know it’s been a terribly trying day for you, and I hate to ask any more of you than what you’ve given, but would you please stay for a little while longer with him? I think he’d appreciate the company,” Sousuke nodded and she bowed deeply in response and then they left.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Makoto flopped back heavily into the bed and Sousuke took the cue to come around and sit down in the chair next to the bed. They looked at each other for a quiet moment, and then Makoto noticed the cup in Sousuke’s hand.</p>
<p>“Ah-the tea…” Sousuke looked down at the cup in his hand, almost forgetting it was there.</p>
<p>“Yeah, it’s good. Thanks, Makoto,” Makoto smiled slightly in response. It was a cute smile-exhausted with a bit of satisfaction laced through it. </p>
<p>What the hell was he still doing here? Makoto was an acquaintance! Thinking of the man sitting in front of him began to make him feel warm. It’s his own damn fault he’s in this situation, he thought to himself as he took a sip of tea. Well, in the hospital, that is. He had his family, and some of the guys from his department were going to be stopping by later. He had people to lean on. Sousuke shudders when he thinks about what would have happened to him if he hadn’t had his friends and family when Rin died.</p>
<p>Makoto doesn’t know me, he thought, so why did he want ME to stay?</p>
<p>He cleared his throat, “You really should be sleeping.”</p>
<p>“I’m resting,” Makoto replied.</p>
<p>“You’re still awake.”</p>
<p>Makoto yawned, “I’m laying down.”</p>
<p>“Not the same thing.”</p>
<p>Makoto tries to pout, but a large yawn interrupts, and he surrenders to it. A moment passes and the green eyes go distant as he speaks.</p>
<p>“I’m just so sad, Sousuke. I’ve known Haru ever since we were really little. We grew up together, went to school together…swam together… we even went to college in Tokyo together. I think sometimes I knew him better than my own family.”</p>
<p>Makoto turned his head to face him, “Everything reminds me of him. Our lives were intertwined for almost thirty years. What do you do when that much of your life just...goes away?” Sousuke broke eye contact with the brown-haired man, and stared at the floor. Why is he asking me? He doesn’t know anything about me! That familiar ache bloomed in his chest again. He wondered if his attempts at hiding the truth were working as well as he thought.</p>
<p>“I…dunno, Makoto,” he lied, “But it seems like a lot of people want to help you figure it out.” People who aren’t me, he thinks, sadly.</p>
<p>Makoto lay back on the bed again, and closed his eyes gently, not pressing any further. </p>
<p>“I’m going to try to sleep now,” he said.</p>
<p>“Ok,” Sousuke said.</p>
<p>After a long moment, Sousuke noticed the other man’s breathing become slower and deeper and his face slackened. Asleep, finally, Sousuke thought. After a few moments of quietly watching the other man sleep, he yielded to the voice in his head-the voice that was telling him he didn’t belong here. Makoto didn’t need him. He should leave the hospital and leave the whole situation alone. He stood quietly and made to leave, but before he was a step away, he heard Makoto speak.</p>
<p>“You look sad too, Sousuke,” This stopped him dead in his tracks, and made his face burn. Well, that made it clear-he hadn’t hidden it nearly as well as he thought he did. And, still there was this pull to the other man, and a flicker of desire to share…something with him. A flicker he stomped out by calling behind him.</p>
<p>“Goodbye, Makoto,” Sousuke said and left the room.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>How long had he been at the hospital? Sousuke wondered as he ran in to Captain Sasabe and Kisumi just down the hall from Makoto’s room. They said they’d stop by around eight. Was it eight now?</p>
<p>“Yamazaki? You still here?” Sasabe asked, concern laced his question, “What for? I already dismissed you.”</p>
<p>Sousuke sighed, and explained his meeting with the Tachibanas, and how they asked him to stay for a while, but left out what happened after they left for dinner.</p>
<p>“And you just sat here in the hospital this whole time before Ran came to get you?” the Captain said. Sousuke looked away, his face becoming warm again for the umpteenth time that day, it seemed. All because of a stupid, stubborn, grieving-</p>
<p>“For five hours?” Sasabe said, suspicious. There was a pause where neither man spoke. The Captain turned to Kisumi and said, “Hey, why don’t you head to Mako’s room…I’ll catch up with ya?” The pink-haired man nodded, bowed slightly to Sousuke, and moved past them and disappeared into the room. The captain turned back to Sousuke.</p>
<p>Shit. What the hell was happening now, Sousuke wondered. It was Sasabe who caught him staring at Makoto this morning in the dark. It was Sasabe who he convinced to let him take Makoto home. This situation was making him look worse and worse.</p>
<p>“So, what’s going on here, Yamazaki?” Sasabe said, “A week and a half of silence and avoidance-hell, you barely say anything to me and I’m the Captain-and one day Makoto comes stumbling in and after that, every time I turn around, you’re with him.” The captain leveled him with a stare that the sub couldn’t meet, his eyes finding their way to his shoes. </p>
<p>He could explain-so easily-what he saw that morning in Makoto’s eyes. He could argue that half the time it was Makoto himself seeking the teal-eyed man out. But that was dangerous. If he did, he’d also have to tell his own story-share his own grief. This was neither the time nor place for THAT kind of revelation. Sousuke wasn’t looking for the spotlight here. He simply wanted to…what, exactly? </p>
<p>“I...thought I could help,” Sousuke said lamely. </p>
<p>It didn’t help. The captain’s face became stony. </p>
<p>“He’s a hard one to get the truth out of sometimes, but make no mistake. We care for him every bit as much as his family does, and sure, we could’ve been better this past week, but now we WILL be better for him. You don’t need to worry about him anymore. We’ll take it from here,” He turned and started walking down the hall.</p>
<p>“You’re dismissed, Yamazaki,” the Captain said over his shoulder, “see you at the station tomorrow.” Sasabe turned and entered the room, leaving Sousuke alone in the hallway.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>“Tadaima,” he mumbled out of habit as he stepped out of his boots. Of course, there was no one to hear him, but he kept the habit up nonetheless. Lights on, quick convenience store dinner unwrapped and eaten, dishes done, bathed and at last in bed in the dark again, he was listening to music on his charging phone.</p>
<p>The playlist tonight was titled “Music to Chomp By”, one he made for Rin obviously. The list was full of songs that reminded him of his husband, and he gave it to Rin before he left for Australia for college. He would never admit it out loud, but he was likely the sappier of the pair if his music choices were anything to go by. </p>
<p>Many of his nights now were spent this way, whether he was at the station, tucking into his cot in the corner, or like this night, at home alone. He lay there, letting some random playlist carry him through dreams and memories of the past-where there was someone who knew him. He loved Sousuke-all of him. And Sousuke, in his own way, had tried every day to give that love back.</p>
<p>He was brought out of his reverie by the theme of Jaws playing through his ear buds. After the first, large crescendo, the music faded out, and he heard his own voice speaking, younger, shy and unsure.</p>
<p>“Sorry, I couldn’t resist, heh.”</p>
<p>His eyes widened in understanding. He recorded this for Rin! The week before his soon-to-be husband was set to leave for the land down under, he struggled with how to tell the red-haired man how he felt. They promised to write and to skype each other when they could, but it didn’t feel like enough. He wanted to give something to Rin that would only be for him. Something he could listen to when they couldn’t talk-when he got lonely. Sousuke forgot this was even here.</p>
<p>“So, uh…I wanted to make a mix for you…to take with you to Australia. Just some songs that make me think of you. I know we promised to write and skype and stuff, but I wanted to give you something else, you know?”</p>
<p>“I know you’re going to tear it up down there! It won’t be like last time. You’re ready.</p>
<p>Hesitation began to creep into younger Sousuke’s voice.</p>
<p>“A-and, I’m really proud of you, Rin.”</p>
<p>“…”</p>
<p>The voice in the recording took a breath and closed out the message, “so, uh, write or skype when you can, ok? Good luck.”</p>
<p>“…I love you, Little Shark.”</p>
<p>And that was the end of the recording, and the end of the playlist. He pulled the earbuds out and set the tech on the bedside table. He rolled to get comfortable and hugged Rin’s old pillow tightly and drifted off into an uneasy sleep.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>They stopped trying to engage him in conversation. They stopped reaching out at all. In fact, the crew of the fire station almost outright ignored him for the next few days. In the morning meetings, he sat alone. His assigned tasks were solitary. What little he heard of the crew talking with each other during the day, they seemed to intentionally avoid discussing Makoto.</p>
<p>This was what he wanted, right? He wasn’t there to make connections, to get to know anyone. This wasn’t social time-it was work. Sousuke would be gone in a few days anyway and this would be a memory. His home fire station would welcome him home and life would go on. They wouldn’t need him here.</p>
<p>Makoto wouldn’t need him. For anything. And that’s the way it should be, right? But instead of feeling relief, it hurt whenever he thought of that. It hurt that he couldn’t help Makoto anymore. And with the way the rest of the department was acting, it almost seemed like they were closing ranks around Makoto-protecting him. But from what? He found his answer the next morning on his way in to the fire station.</p>
<p>The air was still and crisp as Sousuke walked to the front door of the station. Before he reached the knob of the door, he heard a loud meow from off to the left-over by the garage doors. He heard some quiet mumblings and another loud meow. He walked over to see what was going on, and around the corner of the station, was a beautiful white cat with striking blue eyes, and crouched by it was Tanaka-san, setting a bowl of food down in front of the animal. He startled when Sousuke spoke.</p>
<p>“That’s Makoto’s cat, huh?”</p>
<p>“Yeah,” he said, “you don’t have to stay out here in the cold. I’ve got this.”</p>
<p>Sousuke crouched down and stroked the cat’s head gently with a finger, “It’s ok. I like cats.” They crouched for a moment more before Sousuke muttered, “It’s beautiful.” The other man grunted.</p>
<p>“You didn’t get lost today,” Tanaka said.</p>
<p>“Nope.”</p>
<p>“Seems you were having trouble for a while there.”</p>
<p>Sousuke felt his face heat up a bit despite the cold, “I ah…have trouble getting around new places sometimes.”</p>
<p>The other man nodded, thoughtfully.</p>
<p>“Seemed you found Makoto fast enough.”</p>
<p>Sousuke’s hand stilled where he was rubbing the cat and he turned his gaze on the other man.</p>
<p>“What?”</p>
<p>“I mean,” Tanaka continued, eyes still locked on the cat, “for not knowing the area, it seems you found the temple rather easily.”</p>
<p>“Yeah?” Sousuke replied. This was the most anyone had spoken to him in days, and they were talking about his bad sense of direction?</p>
<p>“Lucky thing,” Tanaka said, “he had you there.” The tone of that comment was bitter and filled with hurt. It rang bells in Sousuke’s mind-triggered memories of past conversations.</p>
<p>I can’t believe he would lie like that.</p>
<p>I just wish he would have told us what was happening. The boy keeps so much inside him.</p>
<p>We’ll take it from here</p>
<p>“Are you?” Sousuke said, “Are you…upset that he didn’t ask for-“</p>
<p>Tanaka cut him off, “We need to get inside. The meeting’s starting soon,” and marched quickly to the front door, Sousuke followed at a distance.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Over the next few days, groups of the Iwatobi fire crew visited Makoto in the hospital. Sousuke didn’t ask to come along, nor was he invited. Each time the men came back, looking sober but hopeful, Sousuke felt that Makoto was on his way to healing. He was glad of that.</p>
<p>Being left on his own meant a lot of time to think, and there was a lot to think about. This place-the atmosphere-changed so suddenly. The comment Tanaka said the other day…he never answered Sousuke’s question, but he felt he was closer to the truth than anyone would admit.</p>
<p>He’d been saying to himself the whole time, this was strange, wondering why him and why me? He finally realized. It was because they went through the same thing. The pain and the loss of a lifelong friend and lover was a unique experience that many, if not all of the young men he worked with hadn’t experienced yet. That morning, when their eyes met for the first time, Sousuke knew. He knew what that expression meant-he’d seen it reflected back at him in the mirror so many days he couldn’t count. He tried to ignore it, convince himself it wasn’t his business, but it seems you don’t simply ignore Makoto Tachibana. Maybe Makoto could see that same expression in his eyes, too. </p>
<p>He chuckled quietly to himself. Wouldn’t that be something?</p>
<p>His crew at the fire station couldn’t see it-they saw a devastated man. But, also, a man who smiled and offered help, and declined help. A man who insisted time and again he was fine.</p>
<p>But he wasn’t. And with the rest of the crew at a loss of how to help, they waited. They watched. They witnessed Makoto begin to wither even as he refused all help-his family and friends unsure what to do. </p>
<p>But Sousuke knew, and he WAS there when Makoto finally broke. When no one else was. </p>
<p>He smiled quietly to himself. Maybe he didn’t do too bad after all. He decided that Rin would’ve been proud of him, actually, and that made a warmth spread through his chest.</p>
<p>Sousuke heard some distant conversation farther down the hall. The crew. They must really care for the brown-haired man to swoop in like they did. He searched his mind, but he couldn’t find a reason to blame them for acting so cold. Hell, he probably would have done the same if the roles were reversed.  </p>
<p>As much as he may have wanted to get to know Makoto better-see what that smile his sister told him about looked like at full power, he decided maybe it was for the best they parted ways here. Makoto would have a lot of healing to do now that he was squaring up to it, and he didn’t need a distraction like Sousuke. Maybe someday they would cross paths again. That would be nice, he thought to himself.</p>
<p>So, he sighed, wrung his mop out, and let go.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>The word, “ARIGATO” rings through the dining room after his last shift at Iwatobi is over. He wasn’t used to being the center of attention like that, standing at the front of the room while everyone bowed deeply to him. He willed his face to cool down as he bowed in return, calling a “Thank you for taking care of me,” back at them.</p>
<p>After breakfast he was gathering his personal belongings in the small lobby when the captain caught up with him. </p>
<p>“Kisumi, give us a minute, would ya?” he said. The pink-haired man stood and bowed and made his way from the front desk to the depths of the station.</p>
<p>“Really,” Sasabe said, “we appreciate you being here. Thank you.” Sousuke nodded formally.</p>
<p>“Samezuka is always happy to be of service.”</p>
<p>“But not you, huh?” Sasabe sighed and rubbed the back of his neck, “Look, I know the past few days haven’t been the easiest for you here. I, uh, kinda saw to that. I’m sure you’ve guessed…”</p>
<p>Sousuke nodded.</p>
<p>“Well, I’m sorry. If no one’s told you yet, Makoto’s the mother hen around here-we love that big dork, and it killed us to see Makoto that way.”</p>
<p>Sasabe looked directly at him, “And then he met you, and you two were always together. I couldn’t figure that out. The morning when you volunteered to take Makoto home, I almost didn’t let you, but I couldn’t spare anyone else. And then you called from the temple...no one here could think straight-we were so worried.” </p>
<p>“And then to hear that you’d been in the waiting room all day! Without eating, without moving. What were you waiting for?”</p>
<p>“I,” Sousuke said, “really don’t know. I thought about leaving, but…I didn’t.”</p>
<p>“Well, you saved him. And, for that, we are very grateful. You are officially dismissed. Have a great Christmas, Yamazaki.”</p>
<p>Alone again during Christmas, Sousuke thought briefly to himself. It must have reached his eyes, because the captain’s eyes became wide with recognition. He pulled a smile on his lips.</p>
<p>“Thanks for everything, Captain. Merry Christmas to you, too,” he gathered his bags and left the station.</p>
<p>The door swung closed again and the captain looked through the window at the departing fireman. Those eyes! He looked so sad. Kind of like Mako-OH. And as a huge puzzle piece clicked into place, Sasabe could see things much more clearly than before.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Hello, restaurant Yamazaki.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Hey, I’d like to place a special order for delivery…”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Heh, ok…what would you like?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Can I get an order of the curry with rice and some miso soup, and an order of mochi?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Curry...rice...miso…aaand mochi. Got it. You said for delivery?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yeah, heh, yeah…”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What’s the address?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Hôtel Scarlett, 1 Rue Jouye-Rouve, 75020 Paris, France”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Hahaahaa…hey, Little Shark. You didn’t call for the food, did ya?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Are you implying that after spending three months in Australia, and now a week in France, that I haven’t missed my man’s home cooking?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“And what about the man?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“ehhhh…”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Woah, ouch…”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Hahaha! I’m kidding. OF COURSE I miss you, you big moose.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“…I miss you too, Rin.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>***</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The time in the hospital is brief-once he rests, he recovers quickly. He sleeps often, cries some. Spends a lot of time on the phone with friends and family. He shaves in the room on the morning of his discharge from the hospital, and notices his face isn’t ashen anymore-his eyes brighter. His sister comes with a fresh set of clothes and to take him home, and they leave hand in hand.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He hesitates at his door. The door leading to his empty apartment. His EMPTY apartment…</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Well, aren’t we going in?” Ran asked.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“We?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She gestured to the bag she was holding, “You didn’t think all of these clothes were just for YOU, did ya?” He still looks puzzled, so she giggled and said, “I’m staying with you for a while, so you don’t feel so alone.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>His eyes become wide, “Oh, Ran, thank you, but I don’t thi-“</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Sorry big brother,” Ran interrupted, “it’s for your own good. Just think of this as payback for how good you took care of us when we were younger.” She winks. He surrenders and laughs.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Thank you.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You’re welcome. Now, let’s get inside. It’s freezing!”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Makoto let them in, but there were already lights on and noises coming from the kitchen.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Tadaima?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Okaeri!” A familiar voice called from the kitchen. God, it smelled fantastic in the apartment, and it was nice and warm. They kicked off their boots and made their way inside, where the other Tachibana sibling was minding the grill pan on the stove.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Ren! I thought you went back to school!” Makoto said. His little brother looked up at him and beamed.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“But then I wouldn’t be able to cook dinner for you, big brother.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Ohh…” Makoto said, “you didn’t need to do this…”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Ran and Ren moved closer, “It’s not about need,” Ran said.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“We wouldn’t want to be anywhere else,” Ren added, and they both reached out and hugged him tightly. After a moment, Ren pulled away and said, “Ok. Now, dinner’s almost ready. Get the plates, Makoto?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>***</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The next few days passed quickly. Ran and Ren don’t suffocate Makoto, but are always within reach when he needed them. Stories and memories are shared-too many to count-and Makoto told them with tears freely flowing about what happened the day of his collapse.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Before he knows it, he’s hugging Ran and Ren goodbye and dressing for work. His leave ended, they went back to their lives, and life moved on.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The cat at the fire station was overjoyed to see him again, and it even allowed a few extra minutes of snuggles before it started squirming to be let down to eat.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>As Christmas approached, the station became very busy with numerous calls day and night. He should be thankful, Makoto supposed, that there was something worthwhile to focus on. He threw himself in to the job and unlike a week prior, the station welcomed him with open arms. He slotted back in to his role snuggly as mother hen, but he noticed the guys begin to mother hen him back just as much. It initially flustered him, but he grew to enjoy a little bit of nagging. It meant they cared, and his chest swelled when he thought of it.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He was mopping the garage floor a week after Christmas-almost right in the spot he and Sousuke first properly met-and he wondered about the teal-eyed man. What was Sousuke was doing now? How his Christmas was? He hoped Sousuke didn’t spend it alone, but somehow got the feeling that he did. He should check on him, maybe. Just to see how he is. Yeah! See if he had a good Christmas. He was kind enough to deal with Makoto when he was a wreck.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>And that expression. The one he wore when they first met. Sousuke looked so lonely, sitting there at the back of the room. He wondered to himself what that could’ve meant, but he never said anything when they were together. There was just something about Sousuke’s being that drew Makoto in. Like, the taller man needed him- like he had a spot he could fill in the other man’s life. But it was just a feeling. It felt good to be around him, too. Comforting. He may have been withering, but Sousuke did provide some comfort. He was just too overwhelmed to express his gratitude.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Well, maybe he should now, he thought, and started planning a trip to Samezuka on his next day off.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>***</p>
<p> </p>
<p>This was a dumb idea, Makoto thought. Who knew what, if anything, Sousuke told his crew about his time at Iwatobi? Makoto certainly didn’t. But his feet never stopped, they carried him to, and then through the Samezuka fire station’s main door. He wiped his boots off on the mat, and considered turning right around again when he was spotted across the room by a short man with bright, blue eyes and grey hair.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Hello! Welcome to Samezuka fire station! My name is Nitori Aiichirou. What can I do for you, sir?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Well, can’t back out now. Makoto bowed and introduced himself and said, “I’m looking for Yamazaki Sousuke? Is he available?” The shorter man crinkled his face up into a placating smile.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I’m so sorry! Yamazaki-san isn’t here today. W-wait,” the young man blurted, suddenly excited, “are you from Iwatobi?” Makoto nodded, “Is everything all right? D-did he forget something?” Makoto smiled and shook his head. He stepped forward to the desk Nitori sat behind and presented the tea.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“No, he didn’t forget anything. I’m the fireman he covered for. I wanted to give him this,” Makoto handed the man the bottle of tea, “and thank him in person.” The other man became subdued, his brow furrowing in thought.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“W-well, I can’t tell you where he is, BUT…i-it’s almost lunch time, isn’t it?” Makoto looked at the clock on the wall. Sure enough, it was around noon, and he was feeling a bit hungry. Makoto nodded.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“It would be a shame to come all this way just to turn around again without having something to eat. T-there’s a nice little restaurant down the road that way,” he pointed, “they do a wonderful curry. You should check them out before you go! I’ll make sure this gets to Sousuke when he comes in next.” It all made sense to Makoto, and his stomach grumbled an agreement with the idea.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I’ll do that. Thank you, Nitori-san!”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You’re very welcome, Tachibana-san,” Nitori said, “have a good day!”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You too!” Makoto said and left the fire station to get lunch. For a quiet moment Nitori watched him walk away, bottle clutched in his hands.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Who was that?” a loud voice asked, and Nitori jumped, letting out a squawk, “C-captain!” After collecting himself he told the man with fiery red hair and gold eyes who he was and what he wanted.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Tachibana, huh?” the man said, pensive. He grinned, wide and mischievous, and said, “Why don’t you let ME hold on to that tea, Ai?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>***</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Sousuke, one more omelet and rice plate, please,” Kazuma called from the other side of the kitchen.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You got it.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He didn’t really do this anymore, at least he hadn’t for a long time-helping his family out at the restaurant on his days off from the station. But, if he’d learned anything from his time at Iwatobi, it was that maybe there was something to be gained by reaching out to those you care about.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He asked if there was anything he could do to help when having dinner at the restaurant earlier in the week, and Kazuma looked at him like he’d grown a second head, before recovering and slyly asking, “Miss your big cousin that much, huh?” Sousuke laughed.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Something like that…” he replied.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The funny thing is-it WAS helping. He felt better, and was sleeping better. Working those few days at the restaurant, doing some simple cooking around the lunch rush, felt comfortable and safe. It was a feeling of belonging that seemed to be missing from his life for years now.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He finished up the new plate of food, and put it in the window to be served. As he called for service, his eyes glanced across the restaurant and fell upon a tall, green eyed, brown-haired man. His face opened in surprise, his jaw hanging loose.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>WHAT WAS MAKOTO DOING HERE??</em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>The waitress came and took the plate from the window, but before she could walk away, Sousuke gathered his wits and called her back.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Hey, that guy there…” Sousuke pointed to Makoto, who was smiling softly, typing something on his phone, “what did he order?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“He ordered a green curry and rice plate with some mochii ice cream on the side,” she replied. He turned to the row of new tickets, where Kazuma was just about to pull it to start making it, when Sousuke’s hand darted out and snatched it right in front of him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Uh…I’llmakethisone,” Sousuke said, his face feeling hotter suddenly. His cousin’s eyes widened in surprise and confusion until he realized, Sousuke was cooking FOR someone out there. He grinned.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Ok, Sousuke. It’s yours.” Sousuke nodded and started on the dish.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>***</p>
<p> </p>
<p><em>What the hell am I doing…what am I doing?!</em> He thought as he continued cooking, taking extra care to perfectly season and spice the sauces and vegetables. <em>Obsessing over a dish I’ve made hundreds of times before…this is ridiculous.</em></p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p><em>But, </em>another part of his mind answered back, <em>this is for MAKOTO.</em></p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>Fair point.</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>About half way through cooking the chicken, Kazuma sauntered over, leaning against the table and looking out the service window.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“So…”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“So?” Sousuke asked, stirring together the curry seasonings.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Which one is he?” Sousuke looked up to see the smirk on his cousin’s lips and the keen look to his eyes as he scanned the room.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Shut up.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>***</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Nitori-san was right – it smelled delicious in here! The restaurant was quaint – sparsely decorated, but cozy, tucked into a bit of land right off the main road, with a sign saying, “Restaurant Kazuma.” Seemed like a place all the locals ate at, as it was quite busy for being so small.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He couldn’t see mackerel on the menu. <em>Haru would’ve hated this place</em>, he thought to himself.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>After ordering, his phone buzzed with a text from his sister, and he whiled away the time it took for his food to arrive texting with her.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He heard someone approach the table and clear their throat. Out of the corner of his eye he noticed it wasn’t the short woman who served him earlier. He stored his phone and looked up, “Sorry about that...I…” and he froze, shocked at who towered over him wearing an apron, holding a heaping plate of food.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Your green curry and rice?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“SOUSUKE?!” Makoto blurted.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>***</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“This is delicious!” Makoto mumbled out around the food in his mouth. Swallowing quickly, he asked, “Did you make this?” Sousuke nodded and Makoto’s eyes shimmered like emeralds.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You’re so talented, Sousuke. I can cook, but nowhere near this good.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Well, it just took practice,” Sousuke muttered, sure that he was blushing too, with how warm his face was. But he couldn’t care less because he got to see Makoto’s smile. Ran was right – it was blinding – but he couldn’t look away. The thought that he himself put it there, made a small smile bloom on his face too.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Makoto gestured to the seat on the other side of the table, “Want to sit for a bit, or do you have to go back?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He glanced back at the service window where he noticed Kazuma was staring rather openly at the two of them with a wide grin on his face. Sousuke knew what the grin meant and really didn’t want to get any closer to it at the moment, plus, going back would have meant leaving Makoto to eat alone. That didn’t seem right – didn’t seem hospitable.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He sat. Makoto dug into the food again.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He watched Makoto eat happily, and the question from earlier forced its way to the front of the taller man’s mind. He surprised himself when he blurted it out, “What are you doing here, Makoto?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The green eyes widened, and he swallowed the bite in his mouth, “I came to see you, actually.”</p>
<p><br/>Sousuke’s eyebrows pinched together, Makoto laughed, “I didn’t know you’d be HERE,” he said, “I thought you’d be at the fire station. I stopped there first.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“And they told you to come here?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“For lunch! For lunch,” Makoto assured Sousuke, “Nitori-san said it was delicious and it was right around lunch time…” Makoto mumbled as he picked at his nearly empty plate, “he was right.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>There was a small pause as the two men considered each other, but Makoto broke the silence first, “I wanted to thank you – for everything.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Oh, Makoto, no-“<br/><br/></p>
<p>“Yes, Sousuke,” Makoto said, “you were there at the lowest point in my entire life. I was stubborn, I was lost, I was falling apart, and it took a complete stranger to help me because I couldn’t tell anyone what was wrong. YOU helped me. YOU did that.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You ended up in the hospital…”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yes, and if you hadn’t been there, it would have been far worse,” Makoto said, all trace of mirth gone from his features, “You saved me. Thank you, Sousuke.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sousuke couldn’t answer-the words just wouldn’t come. The closest thing he managed was, “Uh, uhm…you’re welcome?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>After a beat, Makoto said, “Sousuke, can I ask you a question?” The tone of the question caused the bottom of the teal-eyed man’s stomach to drop out. Somehow, they’d gotten to the edge of this barrier again, and so quickly it gave Sousuke mental whiplash.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“uh, sure?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“How did you know?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Makoto leaned closer, “How did you know what I needed?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Makoto, it really wasn’t that hard to see…” Sousuke said, but he thought about the look on his face that morning. He barely had time to collect his wits to deflect before he let slip his past with Rin.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“No one else did.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Well, I uh…I” Sousuke stammered, Makoto seemed full of persistent patience that radiated out of his meadow-green eyes, almost hypnotizing him into loosening his lips. The earnest curiosity was inching him closer and closer to giving in-here, in the middle of his family’s restaurant-to tell Makoto of HIS darkest moments, what happened with Rin. The memories he’d hidden tugged at his chest again, and another restraint came open with a pop. And out flowed, “I know that look.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What look?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>They were interrupted when a familiar voice said, “One order of mochi ice cream!” The two men were startled out of their moment and looked up at Kazuma holding a small plate with three balls of the desert sitting in a line on it.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>***</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Mmm! These are good!” Makoto beamed at Kazuma after having one of the sweet treats, “I’ve never been here before, but do customers always get served by both the wait staff AND the kitchen staff?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Kazuma snickered, “Not really, but I came out here to see what the fuss was all about. You see, it’s VERY rare that my cousin here,” he put his hand on Yamazaki’s shoulder, “ever voluntarily leaves the kitchen to personally serve the customers…you must be pretty special.” Makoto’s eyes widened as he took this information in and he blushed furiously. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Geez, Kazuma…” Sousuke said, “lay off. This is Tachibana Makoto, he’s the firefighter from Iwatobi I subbed for last month. Makoto, this is my far-too-nosy cousin, Kazuma.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Oh! It’s very nice to meet you, Yamazaki-san!” Makoto bowed from his seat. The cousin laughed.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“So formal! Kazuma is fine, especially for a friend of Sousuke’s.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Then, you can call me Makoto.” Kazuma beamed at Sousuke. Sousuke pointedly avoided his cousin’s knowing gaze.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>***</p>
<p> </p>
<p>They chatted for a bit, and eventually Kazuma broke off to go back to the kitchen, leaving Makoto and Sousuke alone again.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“He’s very nice,” Makoto said.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You’ve never had to work for him,” Sousuke grunted back. Makoto laughed out loud. The sound itself wrapped around the taller man, making him feel warm. He wanted to make Makoto make that sound again.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>There was a pause where Makoto plucked up the courage to say what he really wanted to. He steeled himself and said, “I’ve seen that look too, by the way,” and after a beat, took another mochi ball.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sousuke gasped. <em>He knew. Well, maybe he didn’t KNOW, but he suspects something. I’m so close-it would take five minutes, it would be so easy. Just tell him everything. Get it over with and he’ll reject you, he’ll say “I can’t be a part of something like that right now, I need to focus on me. It was nice to meet you, goodbye.” And that’ll be that. C’mon…just SAY IT.</em></p>
<p> </p>
<p>But instead, what came out was, “I, uh, need to get back…sorry.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Makoto swallowed his bite of mochi and nodded, “sorry for keeping you so long.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“No, really, it was...” Sousuke stood. Makoto stood to meet him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Sousuke…” the two locked eyes again, “you’ve done so much for me, if I can do anything for you, please let me know.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p><em>He came here just to see me. Screw it, </em>Sousuke decided, <em>running away isn’t working. He keeps coming back! I don’t REALLY want him to go away, do I?</em></p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I, uh, work here on Wednesdays and Fridays,” Sousuke said, forcing each word out, embarrassed and shy and REALLY not wanting this to be the last time he saw Makoto, “if you wanted to stop by? I could, uh, make you something else.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Makoto smiled tenderly at him, his eyes crinkling, “I’d really like that.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Ok.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Ok.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>There was a beat where neither spoke.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Sousuke?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yeah?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Kitchen?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Right!” Breaking Sousuke out of his spell, he said goodbye to Makoto and walked back to the kitchen, where he told the waitress, “That guy there? Don’t let him pay. Ever.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter 6</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Haru, this is amazing!”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“mm. Thanks.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Do you…do you ever get sick of cooking for us? All the time?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You cook breakfast.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yeah, I guess…”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“…”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“…Makoto?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I just…I just never want you to think I’m taking advantage of you. Of your cooking, of your cleaning…”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Makoto…”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I really appreciate it, you know, and I just feel like I haven’t done enough.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Says the guy who runs into burning buildings for a living.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Haru!”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Makoto…do you really think I’d put so much care into our meals or our home if I didn’t want to?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Well…”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Makoto. Since when have you ever known me to do anything I don’t want to?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Hahaa…fair point.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“…”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“It really should be the other way around, you know.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Haru?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You go out…you save people’s LIVES, Makoto-I could never do that. I paint and swim, and get to have this life with you, I would do so much more. I’m the one who’s getting off easy.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Haru…”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Now, eat your Mackerel. It’s going to get cold.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“…yes, Haru.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>***</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The snow and ice melted and winter gave way to spring. As the Sakura trees blossomed, so did the friendship between Sousuke and Makoto. Makoto found himself at Restaurant Kazuma for lunch on his days off, and when Sousuke was working on those days, he would plod in, clad in his work boots and suspenders and eat a quick lunch with Makoto. Other days when they both had the day off, Sousuke would be behind the window in the kitchen, and start on Makoto’s curry right away, as the other fire fighter made small talk with the waitresses, or Kazuma. Then, he would grab something to snack on and meet Makoto at his table and take a break.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>They never let him pay, Sousuke always took care of Makoto’s meal at the end of his shift at the restaurant. If it kept Makoto coming back, it was well worth it, but it drove Makoto crazy, insisting that he could pay his fair share, that he was happy to support the restaurant. Sousuke simply thought it was some innocent fun, but one day, it became too much and Makoto decided he needed to do something about it.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>***</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I’m sorry, your money’s no good here,” Sousuke snickered at the frown on Makoto’s face.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Sousuke…”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Why does this bother you so much?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I just,” Makoto sighed, “feel bad that your family’s business is taking a hit every time I walk in here.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“It isn’t.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Then…how?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You aren’t gouging the business. They’re doing fine. I settle the bill at the end of my shift.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“YOU pay?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yeah, I don’t mind.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“…I can’t believe this!”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Well, believe it,” Sousuke said and slid the bills on the counter back to Makoto with a wink. As their eyes met, he noticed Makoto looked disturbed, which was the last thing Sousuke wanted, and seeing that caused his smile to falter.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What do you want?” Makoto asked.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Huh?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You’ve been giving me free meals for months now, Sousuke,” Makoto said, “what do you want from me?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Nothing!”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Sousuke…” Makoto raised his voice slightly above the din in the dining room.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Hey! Just…c’mon…” Sousuke led them outside and away from the entrance to the restaurant, “you were still reeling from losing Haru when you first showed up here, and you looked like you enjoyed yourself so much…I guess it made me happy to see you…happy.” Sousuke’s face felt hot and he was sure he was blushing. He broke his gaze, looking down at the ground as his sentence petered out.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>There was a moment of silence as Makoto absorbed what was just said, but he poked Sousuke in the arm to get him to look at him again. When he looked back up, the furrowed brows, and the confusion and suspicion were gone. In its place was a brilliant, confident smile, with those green eyes being electrified by the glow of the afternoon sun.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I am happy here,” Makoto said, “and I really enjoy coming here, and eating with you…”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Hearing this made tingles roll up and down Sousuke’s spine. Suddenly his chest felt too tight and he got the urge to touch Makoto. This…THIS was what he wanted…</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“…and I consider you a good friend…”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>YES! Sousuke could have screamed out loud he was so happy.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“but you can’t pay for me anymore.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Well, that’s a problem, because I LIKE paying for you.” <em>Oh, shit,</em> Sousuke thought, <em>was that flirting?</em></p>
<p> </p>
<p>“…what?” The smile slid off Makoto’s face, slowly being replaced by confusion. Sousuke scrambled to recover. The words just slipped out! He didn’t even realize what he did until he heard the words himself.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I mean,” Sousuke said, “we could play for it.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Compete? To see who pays for my meals?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yeah, like Rock Paper Scissors…” Sousuke explained, “it’s what my friends and I would do to settle something.” <em>Well, one particular friend, anyway…</em></p>
<p> </p>
<p>Makoto considered this, his eyes squinting in concentration for a few moments. Pretty long moments, Sousuke thought. Finally, Makoto looked at him and flashed him a smile.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I have an idea.”</p>
<p>***</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Ok. This time…THIS time, he was going to knock. Sousuke stood at Makoto’s door for a while, raising his hand to knock, but hesitated each time. What was he so afraid of? He’d practically swooped in to this apartment months ago, not taking no for an answer, to care for the man waiting for him inside.</p>
<p><br/>This time he was even invited. They were friends now. This felt like a big step, but he didn’t know in what direction.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It blew him away that last week. Makoto thought for a bit, and offered not a throwdown right there and then, but dinner and video games at his place. After the initial surprise wore off, Sousuke agreed, and whenever he thought about it after, it made his stomach do funny things.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It was agreed that who won the most after nineteen rounds of Mario Kart, would get their way. If Sousuke won, Makoto would still visit as usual and let Sousuke pay <em>and</em> would have to deliver their food to the firehouse on days Sousuke was working for a whole month. If Makoto won, again, he would visit, but HE would be paying for his own meals, and Sousuke would have to answer three personal questions about himself. There was a lot to play for. He resolved all that week he was going to crush Makoto into dust, in the nicest way possible. Try to pay for his own food at the restaurant? Tsch. As if. And Sousuke had a pretty good idea what Makoto would ask about. They were friends, sure, and really seemed to enjoy each other’s company, but was he ready to talk about Rin yet? Even to Makoto? He wasn’t sure.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Pulling on his competitive drive, he knocked and a moment later, the door was pulled open and Makoto stood there in a blue apron that was slightly too small for him and smiled brightly.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You ready for this, Yamazaki?” Makoto asked.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sousuke smirked and moved in close so their noses were only a few inches apart.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He breathed, “You’re going down, Tachibana.” He breathed in and suddenly got a heady scent of the food cooking inside and Makoto himself. Makoto’s smile slid a bit with the larger man being so close, but quickly pulled himself together and smiled confidently, with a half-lidded stare.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Don’t be so sure…” Makoto drawled. He pulled back with a brilliant smile and a chuckle and said, “Well, come on in! Dinner’s almost ready.” It took a moment for Sousuke to come back to himself, as he was set reeling with the proximity, the scents, and that LOOK…</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He followed Makoto inside with new feelings of excitement and trepidation swirling.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>***</p>
<p> </p>
<p>There was so much in the apartment that Sousuke missed his first time here. The easel was still there, but now empty. There were shelves holding ribbons and trophies from swimming competitions long past. There were pictures…so many pictures hanging around the living area. Makoto with his parents, and siblings, and friends, and lots of pictures of Makoto with a black-haired, blue eyed man that almost always wore a stoic expression. There was a picture right above the television-a painting-that definitely wasn’t there before. It was Makoto and this other man, hands clasped, laying in water, smiling at Sousuke through the painting. He heard Makoto chatting from the kitchen, but he couldn’t hear what was said, his focus pulled to this painting and just…something about it seemed so familiar.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Sousuke?” Makoto said as he brought out the food from the kitchen, and set it down on the table. Following the other man’s line of sight, he smiled and walked up to meet him. “That’s Haru.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sousuke finally turned to Makoto and said, “Makoto, I’m really sorry for your loss. It looked like you two were really happy. I mean, at least one of you was.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Makoto laughed brightly, “I really appreciate you saying that, Sousuke. One of our friends said Haru was always smiling on the inside. He didn’t show much emotion, but he really cared. We loved each-other. You know, this is the painting that was on the easel when you were here last time. He was painting it for us…but now,” he grabbed Sousuke’s arm gently, steering him toward the table, “if we don’t sit down, the food’s going to get cold. Let’s eat.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>***</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The food was delicious. Curried mackerel with fried rice-a recipe that Haru would make all the time, Makoto said. He wondered how it felt-being able to be so open with those dark feelings. He realized if he didn’t win tonight, he would have to be just as open. Knowing Makoto, it could be anything, but he really thought he’d made this wager with the three questions on purpose.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>They chatted during the meal, Sousuke teasing Makoto lightly about the food-saying if he was this good, he should take a few shifts in the kitchen with Kazuma-to which Makoto laughed.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Not as good as you, Sousuke,” Makoto said, sparing a shy glance at the teal eyed man. With as worried as he was now, he couldn’t help feeling a little warm at the praise.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Well, uh, thanks.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yours is good enough to pay for.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Hey!”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>They finished shortly after, placed their dishes in the sink, and retired to the living room. Makoto flipped on the game console, handed Sousuke a controller and turned on the TV.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You know,” Sousuke drawled as they chose their characters, “I used to play this all the time…hope you’re ready to be my delivery boy, Tachibana.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Makoto side-eyed him, “Oh? Who’d you play WITH?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p><em>Rin, of course</em>, Sousuke thought, <em>the man I think of late at night, who makes me still hope that this was all just a dream and someday I still hope I’ll finally wake up to find Rin snoring away next to me in the morning sun…</em>  Sousuke huffed a laugh, “Wouldn’t YOU like to know? Is that one of your questions? You haven’t won anything yet.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Nothing was said for a few moments. Sousuke turned to Makoto to see those green eyes studying him quietly. After what seemed to be an eternity, the green eyes smiled at him and he said, “You’re right. Just making conversation,” and they both turned back to the game.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>***</p>
<p> </p>
<p>There was little conversation shared during the next half-hour. Win, loss, win, win, loss, loss, win, loss…He couldn’t fault Makoto for cheating-he just played REALLY well, and Sousuke was struggling heading into the second half of their nineteen-game stretch. He looked over at Makoto during one of the straightaways and was taken aback at the look on Makoto’s face. Intimidating, out for blood were the only descriptors that could apply. And in that moment of hesitation, Makoto passed him yet again just before the finish line.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Loss.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Shit,” Sousuke muttered to himself.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You really don’t want to answer those questions, do you?” Makoto mused. Sousuke turned and shoved Makoto playfully.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I don’t think you need to be spending money on meals you are already paying round-trip train fare to get to,” Sousuke dodged.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“And I don’t like the feeling I’m taking advantage of you-especially when I don’t see what you get out of continuing to do this.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I get plenty.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Like what?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“That’s another question.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I’m just…”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“…making conversation…I know,” Sousuke cut him off, and turned to face the other man on the couch, “Makoto, you <em>know</em> you’re not a burden, right? You never have been. Not to me.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Astonished green eyes locked with forceful teal-Sousuke trying to soak his gaze with meaning, with the things he just couldn’t say yet-wasn’t sure he was brave enough to say, but boiled down, it would have been: <em>You mean a LOT to me, Makoto.</em> Makoto seemed to be receiving it loud and clear anyway if the small blush forming on his face was anything to go by.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Sousuke…”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“C’mon…I’ve still got to beat you,” Sousuke said, and turned to face the tv again.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>***</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It came down to the last race-they were tied at nine games each. The winner of the next race would get it all, and be declared victor. They were both so invested in the competition, no one had spoken since game fifteen, eyes glued to the screen, and Sousuke would never admit it, but he had to-on a few occasions only-set the controller down between rounds to wipe the sweat from his hands.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It was a brawl on four wheels. Every item and every short-cut were used. At one-point Makoto knocked Sousuke off course with a green shell from four positions away. Sousuke hissed at falling back from first, but regained speed quickly.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>With Sousuke second and Makoto holding solidly to first as they entered the last lap, Sousuke thought it was already over. The other man clearly knew this track very well and was taking advantage. For a second, he thought he saw the blue eyes in the painting above the television flash, and they drew his eye. <em>Please,</em> Sousuke begged silently, <em>please let me keep Rin to myself for a little while longer.</em> He pulled his eyes back to the track and they were both riding over the item blocks.</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em> I know I’m being selfish. I know it’s not fair to Makoto-for him to know so little when I know so much. But…Rin was MINE. He was the best thing in my entire life. And, Makoto’s special. I can see what you saw in him, Haru. He’s funny and kind, and so warm and open. Who wouldn’t love him? I want him, Haru. I’d protect him. I promise! I just…need more time.</em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>The items stopped spinning through their manic jumble and Makoto got another green shell…</p>
<p> </p>
<p>…and Sousuke got a blue shell. Makoto started making the last turn and glanced over to see what Sousuke had in inventory.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Noooo!” Makoto wailed.</p>
<p> </p>
<p><em>THANK YOU!!!! </em>Sousuke screamed inside as he fired the shell, and watched it sail right into Makoto’s tailpipe, blowing the other racer into the sky on the last turn of the final lap. Sousuke took first and…</p>
<p> </p>
<p>VICTORY.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>***</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“If it wasn’t for that blue shell…” Makoto huffed, as he stood by the genkan as Sousuke put his shoes on.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sousuke laughed, “Yeah, yeah, delivery boy.” Last shoe knotted, he stood and for a moment glanced past Makoto to the painting on the wall.</p>
<p> </p>
<p><em>Thank you. I promise I’ll tell Makoto soon.</em> He thought to those blue eyes.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>For a moment, those blue eyes seemed to answer back, <em>I KNOW you will.</em></p>
<p> </p>
<p>He shook himself out of the daze and focused on Makoto again, who was picking at something on his shirt nervously.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“So, uh, thanks for coming. This was fun!”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yeah, it was. Thanks for dinner, Makoto.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“One of the millions I have to pay back…”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sousuke rolled his eyes, “It hasn’t been millions.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Feels like it,” Makoto groused.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Well, it’s gonna be billions before we’re done, then.” Makoto groaned, and opened the door for Sousuke.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sousuke stepped out into the evening air and turned around to face Makoto, who stood in the doorway. His eyes gleamed in the setting sun, setting off that funny feeling in his stomach again, but this time it rose up his chest and pushed at something in his mind. He felt guilty that Makoto was suspicious of his motives. He felt Makoto deserved a little bit of explanation. <em>Be brave, damnit.</em></p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Ya know,” the taller man said, “I <em>could</em> be generous and answer one of your earlier questions-even though I won.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Makoto’s eyebrows shot to the top of his forehead and his eyes widened in eager anticipation.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Ok.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You asked me what I get out of buying you lunch?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Makoto nodded.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Well,” Sousuke’s eyes fell, “I’m not usually like this. Nice, I mean. Friendly.” The smile diminished.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I guess you bring it out in me, Makoto, and…I like it.” His hand subconsciously raised to his chest and grasped the ring through his shirt, “I…haven’t felt like this in a long while, and…it feels good. I don’t want it to stop. So, if I have to pay for a billion lunches, I will, and happily.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Makoto gaped, at a loss for words as he processed this, because now he had feelings swirling around inside him. Sousuke wasn’t weird-wasn’t just hitting on him, as he had suspected after that flirty line at the restaurant.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He was lonely.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Ohhh,” Makoto said, realizing the true meaning of what the tall man in front of him just admitted. He thought back to when they first met-Sousuke’s face was all hard lines and steely glares, his body language all closed off and he even saw Sousuke lose his temper. Recently, though, he smiled, he joked around, and the ice in his eyes melted into a warm, clear Caribbean blue.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He raised his eyes to meet Makoto’s astonished green and said, “What do I get out of this? I get to spend time with you. Thanks for being my friend, Makoto. See you next week at the station. Goodnight.” He turned and walked back down the apartment steps to the street, waving behind him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“G-goodnight!” Makoto called behind him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>***</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Tachibana-san! Welcome back!” Nitori chirped when the brown-haired man stepped through the lobby door with a bulky brown bag.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Hello, Nitori-san.” Makoto responded. They exchanged some small pleasantries for a while until Makoto asked, “Is Sousuke around? I brought lunch for him.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Those light-blue eyes smiled back, “This time he absolutely is! I’ll go get him for you.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Thanks!” Makoto said, and the young man disappeared through a door. Makoto set the bag down on the counter and looked around the lobby. It was much neater than the one at Iwatobi-almost spartan, but there were some pictures on the wall, documenting the history of captains and crews over the years. The most recent one, being taken just last month in front of one of their fire engines. He found Sousuke quickly enough, standing in the back, a stoic expression on his face, staring directly into the camera.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The pictures were lined up chronologically, and Makoto gazed at each for a moment, picking out Sousuke as he looked. The year before, his hair was a bit longer, and swept off to the side. The year before that, his hair was super short and despite the serious expressions of the whole crew, someone had given him bunny ears behind his back. Makoto giggled at that.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The year before that…wait. Sousuke wasn’t there. Not in the year before that, either. In all of the pictures for years before that, Sousuke was absent. He’d only been there for three years, then? Makoto wondered to himself where he was before that. He added that to the staggering pile of questions he had for the taller man.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Well, hello there, delivery boy,” a deep, familiar voice crooned. The voice sent an odd shiver up and down Makoto’s back and he turned to see Sousuke, in his uniform-boots, pants held up with thick suspenders over a fitted black t-shirt. His arms were crossed loosely across his chest and he was smiling warmly at Makoto. Makoto had to admit to himself, the guy looked GOOD in that outfit.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He huffed in mock annoyance, and smiled patiently. “Hello, Sousuke.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sousuke noticed the food bag on the counter and swept it up in his arm and gestured to Makoto. “Come on in! We’ll go up to the dining room today.” They both thanked Nitori as they went inside, and the short man watched them go.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>***</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sousuke eating lunch with someone was a rare event at the station. Even more rare was the relaxed, playful tone of the conversation Sousuke set with this strange man. The rest of the crew had never really seen Sousuke smile and laugh as freely as he did with this guy. The crew were astonished, but happy for the man they’d all secretly pegged to be lonelier than he let on.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“So, this is Tachibana, huh? Nice to meet you!” A loud, clear voice said as a tall man with bright red hair approached the table, his gold eyes focused on the stranger.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sousuke figured they wouldn’t be left alone forever, “Makoto, this is Mikoshiba Seijirou, our captain.” The man smiled brightly.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Makoto bowed from his seat, “Tachibana Makoto, sir, and it’s very nice to meet you. Thank you for having me.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The captain laughed, “I didn’t invite you, but welcome! Any friend of Sousuke’s here is a friend of ours! Say, didn’t you stop by looking for him months ago?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Oh, yeah!” Makoto said, “It was Nitori-san who pointed me to the restaurant down the street, and that’s where I found him. He’s a great cook.” Makoto flashed a smile Sousuke’s way, and the other man rolled his teal eyes.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You’re telling me!” the captain said, “I always look forward to the dinners he helps with around here.” The man gasped suddenly, and said, “Oh! That reminds me,” and dashed off to the kitchen and returned with a large bottle of green tea, which he set down firmly in front of Makoto, “I, uh, forgot to give this to him back then…sorry.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Makoto was puzzled for a moment, but then realized this was the tea he was going to give to Sousuke way back in the winter and laughed, “Oh! I almost forgot about this. It’s ok, Captain.” Mikoshiba smiled and quickly excused himself to go to another table where he ate with some other crew and they occasionally snuck glances at the two of them.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Makoto looked back at Sousuke; who’s eyebrows were raised confusion. Makoto’s face turned a little red as he pushed to bottle across the table to the taller man.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“This is for you, to thank you for covering for me, and all the other stuff in Iwatobi.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sousuke’s eyes widened in surprise, “That…was from you? For me?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yeah.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“It’s been in the fridge for months.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yeah, well,” Makoto shrugged and scratched his face with a finger nervously, “I meant to give it to you back in the winter, the first time I came, but they said they’d give it to you for me. But, it’s here now, so…ta daaaa!”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sousuke let out a ringing laugh, “Thank you, Makoto.” He cracked the bottle open and took a drink, his face tightening in to a grimace.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Makoto chucked, “How is it?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Old.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>That made Makoto laugh harder. Sousuke set the bottle aside.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What made you think I like green tea so much?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Well, you told me we were out at the station the day we met and you didn’t want coffee, so I thought you liked it.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Oh,” Sousuke said. There was a pause as they ate a few more mouthfuls of food.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I like Cola best,” Sousuke said. Makoto perked up at this new tidbit of info, happy that Sousuke was sharing something.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Really?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yeah, got hooked on the stuff when I was younger,” Sousuke shrugged.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“It’s really not that great for you.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yeah, yeah,” Sousuke waved off the criticism, “that’s why I work out so much…keeps me from getting all squishy.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You could just not drink it and not work so hard.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Thanks, Mom-koto…” Sousuke said, and winked.” Makoto moaned and covered his face with his hands.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Oh god, not you too.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You too?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“That’s…” Makoto hesitated, blushing furiously, “my nickname at my station.” Sousuke raised both eyebrows again.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Oh…well hey, I was just kidding.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Makoto sighed, looking down at his lap, “No, it’s ok.” He dropped his hands to his lap, “I do kinda mother-hen the people I’m close to…it can really become too much sometimes. Some people really don’t like it. I just, can’t help it.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>That did explain, thought Sousuke, the lengths Makoto was going through at his apartment to focus on Sousuke’s comfort while his own world was falling apart. Why he offered to come in to work way too early.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sousuke poked Makoto gently in the forehead, and Makoto raised his head to look at the other man.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Makoto, it’s okay. You don’t need to feel bad about it. It’s sweet.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It’s just what he DOES. It’s who he is. And Sousuke felt a deep respect that wrapped around him as he considered the other man, who’s blush was now subsiding.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yeah?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yeah,” Sousuke said, “just like Cola. And you know now, how much I like Cola.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“SOUSUKE.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>***</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sousuke clearly didn’t think through the implications of his bet with Makoto. One week into the month, and Makoto met Gou.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She approached the taller man from behind, and when Makoto noticed her, she put a finger to her lips in a silent ‘shhhh’. He turned his eyes quickly back to what Sousuke was saying and, she pounced.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“So, I thought I’d bring some of the mochi from the restaurant and-hey!!”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Sousuke!” she said as she wrapped her arms around his chest, and hugged him from behind.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Gou!” Sousuke gasped, “gah, why do you keep doing that?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Gotta keep you on your toes!” She said with a smile, “Who’s this? You didn’t tell me you were seeing someone.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“EHH?” Makoto said.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Geez Gou, settle down,” He unwrapped her arms and pulled her gently so she stood in front of their table, “this is Tachibana Makoto. He’s the firefighter I subbed for last winter. Makoto, this is Matsuoka Gou - a pain in the butt.” She sent Sousuke a sharp look and then turned to Makoto and smiled.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Pleased to meet you, Tachibana-san.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Makoto is fine,” Makoto beamed back, “especially for Sousuke’s friends.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Oh, we’re more than friends, right Sousuke?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He simply glared back at her.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Anyway, you can call me Kou, then.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Kou? But, didn’t you say-”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“She has a thing with her name,” Sousuke replied dismissively, “anyway, don’t you have to get back to lover boy?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Nah, Sei’s tied up with something. I’ve got a few minutes. So, Makoto…” she turned back to the brown-haired man and peppered him with questions, and the two fell into an easy getting-to-know-you kind of conversation.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>No, he definitely hadn’t anticipated this. When they lost Rin, they grew even closer, somehow. Gou became the sister he never had. And she was talking with Makoto. Gou knew almost everything about Sousuke, and would be more than happy to share whatever she needed to to bring this handsome stranger closer to Sousuke.  He had to find a topic to switch to…but to what? He had to do it soon before…</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Who’s Rin?” Makoto asked.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>…the inevitable happened. Shit.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“<em>Matsuoka Rin?</em>” Gou said, “my brother, the best swimmer in Japan, and Sousuke’s-“</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“<em>Friend</em>,” Sousuke interrupted, shooting an icy glare at Gou, “a good <em>friend</em>.” They both stared at each other for a moment, Gou looking a little confused and hurt, and Sousuke trying to beg through his teal eyes for her not to rip the band-aid off and expose the wound below. He wasn’t ready for that conversation. Not yet-not when he didn’t know what Makoto might think-might do. He didn’t want to drop such an emotional bomb on him in a not-so private place. He’d prefer not to have the conversation at all, but here they were, and Sousuke was running out of time.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Wait,” Makoto said, pensively, his eyes squinted in thought, “’best swimmer in Japan’…you don’t mean, THAT Rin, do you?? The silver medalist?” His eyes popped open.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Gou nodded and beamed, “That’s the one! Rin and I were originally from Sano, but our Mom moved us to Samezuka when we were really young. Rin was just starting school at the time, and ran into THIS guy on his first day,” she gestured to Sousuke.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Gou…come on...” Sousuke threatened.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Makoto pressed on, excited, “Oh! But I read he passed away about five years ago, right? I’m so sorry to hear that. My late husband and I were really into swimming throughout our time at school, and closely followed his career. He was such an inspiration.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The churning of emotions within Sousuke made his head spin. Pride, that his man filled Makoto and Haru and countless others with such inspiration that five years later people still reacted this way to hearing his name; sorrow, that he was gone, and couldn’t fulfill his destiny; frustration, that he couldn’t have saved Rin, no matter how hard he tried; heartbroken, that the life he and Rin were building-a life that felt <em>good</em> and <em>right</em>-quite literally burned to ashes in front of his eyes. He squeezed his eyes shut. The gaping hole in his heart began to bleed again and the emotions overwhelmed him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Thank you for saying that, Makoto,” Gou said, “we miss him every day-“</p>
<p> </p>
<p>With one last attempt to get everything to just STOP, he slammed his fist on the table, and shouted, “THAT’S ENOUGH.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The noise cloaked the room in silence, all eyes on their table. Sousuke’s head was down, he couldn’t bring himself to look at anyone, ashamed at his outburst. He rose from his seat and muttered, “I need some air,” and walked out, leaving Makoto and Gou gaping after him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>***</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sousuke didn’t smoke, but if he did, he would’ve lit one by now, though standing outside, feeling the breeze flow over his face helped somewhat.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It was like gravity-this force that pulled Sousuke and Makoto closer and closer to reality. No matter how hard he tried to resist, they always came hurtling back to the truth. They were so close to it now, he could almost feel it burning, like he was approaching the sun.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Sousuke,” Makoto said, approaching slowly, “are you alright?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sousuke turned to face the man who definitely looked worried-acted like he was approaching a cornered animal.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yeah. I’m not that fragile, Makoto,” Sousuke said, smiling sadly, “you done eating?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Makoto nodded.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Then, why don’t I walk you back to the station?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“…ok,” Makoto said, and they took off together.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>A short, silent walk later and they reached the platform. They stood quietly, looking at anything but each other. The emotions were still swirling, desire to pull the other man closer battled with the desire for self-preservation and neither were winning. Still, he felt like he needed to say something.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Makoto, back there-I’m really sorry.” There was a moment where nothing happened, but then he felt a tug on his sleeve and looked up to see Makoto had halved the distance between them and met him eye to eye, he had a reassuring smile on his face.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I’m not that fragile either,” he said “but, you know, keeping things to yourself isn’t healthy…” he winked. Sousuke huffed a laugh. The smile faded and he continued, “The three-question bet I made was kind of a joke, but I do hope that you’ll trust me enough someday to share what’s bothering you. I’m a good listener.” The roar of the incoming train almost drowned out the last few words Makoto said.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Ok.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I have to go.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yeah, sorry again,” Sousuke said. The look on Makoto’s face made it clear he knew it wasn’t just an apology for the outburst.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Bye, Sousuke,” Makoto said, then turned and boarded the train.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He stood and watched the train depart until he couldn’t hear the clack of the wheels, and turned and walked back to the station.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>***</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Nitori looked up as Sousuke entered, and said, “Hey Sousuke, you’re wanted in the captain’s office.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He sighed and mumbled, “Terrific.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The door was part-way open to Seijirou’s office, but when Sousuke entered, it wasn’t the energetic, authoritative man that met him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Gou.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She turned to face him and her face pulled into an ugly scowl.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Gou, I can explain...”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“How dare you...” she gritted out, “a ‘friend’…a ‘FRIEND’?!”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Look, it’s not that simple.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Then PLEASE enlighten me, Sousuke,” Gou said, her pitch rising with every word, “because I think I just heard you equate your sister-in-law and your DECEASED HUSBAND with mere AQUAINTANCES!!”</p>
<p> </p>
<p> There was a pause as Sousuke struggled with where to start.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Well?” Gou demanded.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sousuke sighed and shrugged, “Self-preservation, I guess.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What are you protecting yourself from?” Gou asked, “Makoto? He’s a teddy bear. He’s GAY, he’s kind, and for some reason he seems to like you a whole heck of a lot.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“No, not Makoto.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Then, what?” Gou asked.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It was the shame that pushed him over the edge, but this was Gou, and if anyone could be trusted with what he was about to say, it was her.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I…don’t want him to leave me, Gou,” he muttered, “I really don’t know if I could take it.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She looked confused, “You’re the one pushing him away,” she said softly, “if you just open up about it, I’m sure he’ll…”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yeah? Just open up?” Sousuke said, “Yeah, great idea. Finally, after almost a year, I tell him that I knew what he was going through this WHOLE TIME? Let it sink in good and deep that I lied to him, and watch him disappear?” His face began to crumble, “I LIKE this, Gou-he’s my friend! We eat together, we joke, we have fun. We keep each other company, and he STAYS WITH ME.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Sousuke…” Gou said soothingly, as Sousuke crossed his arms over his chest, “it’s not fair to him. Makoto told me about how supportive you were when you both first met. He’s grateful, but still so confused. He cares about you-he wants to know so he can get even closer. You aren’t going to chase him away.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Letting people in really hasn’t worked out for me,” he said, “I let myself get close to a friend in school-a fiery, driven, wonderful guy-you might’ve known him-and he leaves for a completely different country. He stops writing, stops calling. He hurt me, Gou. I missed him for five years, and because I wanted to swim with him again, I worked so hard on that dream that I blew out my shoulder and blew my chances of that ever coming true.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Gou’s face fell, but Sousuke pressed on, “Then, he comes back with a chip on his shoulder to finish out high school, so I transfer schools and lied and lied to get him back to swimming and get him over his slump. I even begged him to be on the relay team with me, while I prayed my shoulder wouldn’t give out before the end of the season. Of course, it did, and it broke his heart to see me like that, but I never blamed him. I still don’t.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“But we were together, and I was happy. I confessed to him and before I knew it, he takes me to Australia with him and tells me he’s going back there to train, and again, I saw the life I wanted fall apart. I smiled and said I was proud of him-and I still am, but reliving what happened years ago made me feel sick. He just…he kept LEAVING me.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“It wasn’t like the first time,” Gou said, “his dream came true. And, so did yours.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>***</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It had. Hard training led to making the Japan national team, and qualifying for the Olympics, and then, for the whole world to see, Rin, HIS Rin beat out dozens of swimmers for the silver in butterfly.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>A week later, he received a tan envelope in the mail from Rin. It was bulging with documents. Plane tickets to Sydney, metro passes, directions to Rin’s apartment, and pictures of their time together in the Olympic village.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>That night, he called Rin.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What’s all this?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What does it look like? You’re coming to sunny Sydney for a while!” Rin said.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“How long is ‘a while’?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“A month.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Oh, god Rin, I’d love to, but I’ll need to check with Dad first…”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“No, you don’t.” Sousuke could almost hear the sly grin in his voice.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yes, I DO. I still work for him, remember?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Nah, I worked it out. Kazuma will be back in town by then and he’ll be stepping in for a while. Don’t tell me you don’t want to see the famous Matsuoka Rin in the flesh?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“…and teeth.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Hey, shaddup!” Rin barked, and that set off a large laugh from Sousuke. “So, how about it?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>As coy as he played it, the answer was always going to be, “Of course, I’m coming. I’ve missed you.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>After a ten-hour flight, he deplaned. He felt gross-he probably stank-and tried to find a place to freshen up a little, but a flash of red hair in the crowd and a cheerful “Sousuke!” caused all other thoughts to go still. There’s hugging, and Sousuke breathed Rin’s scent in, and finally relaxed.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Rin sighed and he steped out of the hug, “I missed you.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You too, little shark.” Rin blushed.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He grabbed Sousuke’s hand in the car ride to his place. Sousuke casted an uncertain eye to the driver and back to Rin, who tightened his grip.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“This isn’t Japan, Sou,” Rin said.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Rin showed him around his favorite places-a great little Japanese restaurant, the aquatic center, the touristy sites such as the opera house. He bought Sousuke a ridiculous pink t-shirt with a koala riding a rocket, and Sousuke is just so happy to be with Rin that he actually wore it.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>One evening, after having kebabs for dinner, Rin didn’t look so good, but instead of going back to the apartment, he suggested going to the beach.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“The sunset’s beautiful,” Rin said as he pulled Sousuke along. Sousuke noticed the determination in his eyes-he’d seen this look before every race and knew he was winding up for something.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The beach was beautiful-Rin’s eyes sparkled and danced in the retreating sunlight.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Sousuke…” Rin said, and grabbed one of Sousuke’s hands, “I need to tell you something.” Sousuke’s eyes widened in surprise, and then his features fell in anticipation of more bad news. Rin laughed. “No, it’s not bad-don’t look like that, ok? I wanted to say I’m sorry.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“For what?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“For leaving you. In grade school, and again after we graduated. I didn’t realize how important our relationship was, but I’ve thought a lot about it my time here. How you were so supportive-you were always there for me, even if we weren’t swimming together. All of our fights, all the rock, paper, scissors we did to decide the stupidest things. I miss that so much being here. I miss you.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“And…” Rin paused to collect himself, sniffling slightly, “I loved you too, you know-I still do. I can never repay you for everything you’ve done-how patient you’ve been with me, and I can’t leave Australia yet…I’m not done. But I want to do something for you to let you know-now and forever that I’m yours, if you’ll still have me…a-as a partner.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Rin…” Sousuke paused, his voice getting caught in his throat. The red-haired man knelt there on the sand and pulled out a box from his pocket, and opened it, revealing a simple, but elegant silver band.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Sousuke, will you marry me?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It took a few moments to collect his wits, but when he did, he said, “Wanna rock, paper, scissors for it?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Sousuke!” He laughed, and Sousuke pulled him to his feet.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Of course, I will, little shark. I’ll be here when you’re done taking on the world.” Rin barely got the ring on Sousuke’s finger through his tears and sniffling, but when he did the taller man pulled him in to a tight hug and the emotion of the moment finally overwhelmed them both.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>They were married in Sydney the next day.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>***</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yes, my dream came true,” Sousuke said, “but then he finally went somewhere I couldn’t follow him. Do you have ANY idea what it’s like to finally get something you’ve been dreaming of for DECADES just to have it snatched away a few years later? It’s fucking AGONY.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“That wasn’t his fault.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He hung his head and sighed, “I know.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>They stood in silence for a while until Gou crossed the room and gave him a gentle hug, which he returned.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I just…I like Makoto, you know?” Sousuke said, “And if we get close and he decides to leave…or dies…”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“He’s not going to leave you, Sousuke.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You don’t know that.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Sousuke, he WON’T leave you for telling him the truth. If you keep him at arm’s length, I don’t know what will happen.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Right.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Gou left shortly after and Sousuke got back to work, with a lot on his mind.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>***</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Days went by. He sat alone in his living room and thought about the situation-over and over, hoping that one of his laps around it would provide the solution he hoped for. He sat on the couch, legs up on the coffee table, an old swimming competition was playing on the television, but Sousuke wasn’t paying attention. He was tired, and the quiet noise from the television and the softness of the couch were starting to drag him to sleep. His eyes were about to close, when he heard a voice, right next to him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“A friend, huh?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sousuke sighed, “You here to make me feel worse than I already do?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The voice chuckled, “No, it seems you’re doing a pretty good job of that yourself.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>There was silence for a moment.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“…Why did you have to leave me again?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I didn’t do it on purpose. You know that.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Tsch.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Believe what you want, Sou. You really think I like being dead?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Probably not…” The voice chuckled.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Sou…” the voice asked whispered after a moment, “I know we talked about plans after my retirement from swimming, but…do you really think I would have ever been ‘done’?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I would have helped to support you in whatever you did, you know that.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“But, would you have wanted to do that?” the voice asked, “I know you, Sou. You like consistency. You like reliability. Sure, we would have been fine for the first few years, but what would happened when you wanted to settle down and put down some kind of roots-“</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Well,” Sousuke tried to interrupt, but the voice was insistent.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“some kind of home, and I wasn’t done in the swimming world yet? At the very least, there would have been long nights, and probably weeks where we wouldn’t see each other. You would have been saying goodbye to me over and over again, Sou.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I could’ve been a physical therapist-I could’ve gone to school while you were in Australia, been support for the national team. It would’ve kept me in swimming…”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Then why didn’t you from the start? Why go back to the restaurant at all?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sousuke couldn’t answer, but the voice answered for him, and he knew it wasn’t wrong…</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Because you were only ever in swimming to be with me. Because that’s where I was.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Is that such a crime?” Sousuke shot back, “I was pretty good at it, by the way. Ranked nationally in the top 10.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yeah, you were,” the voice said, “and I was so proud.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“…and now?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“And now, I’m happy you’ve found someone else – reached out and helped someone special,” the voice said, “he’s a real catch, Sou. Tall, and strong, but kind and gentle. Steady. Loving. Patient. And, you can relate to him in a way that no one else can! HE is the guy, Sousuke, HE will make you so fuckin’ happy. Buy the house with him-raise the family with HIM.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I love YOU, Rin. I miss YOU.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You too, you big moose. But Sousuke…you can’t have me anymore. And, you have to let him in…tell him everything. He means so much to you already…take that last step.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sousuke’s eyes began to sting, hearing the voice so calmly turn him towards this new man.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You’re…turning me away?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“For now, yes. But your heart’s bigger than you think. There’s room for Makoto in there too-you’ll see.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>There was a pause as Sousuke tried to pull himself back together from what seemed to be another final goodbye.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Will we ever talk like this again?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Maybe,” the voice answered, “I’m gonna give you two lovebirds some space for now, though.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I have to go,” the voice said, “and you have a phone call to make.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yeah…”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Goodbye, Sousuke.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The room went still. He waited a moment-tried to stretch out his time with Rin as long as possible, but he seemed to have already left.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Goodbye, Rin,” he said to the empty room.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>His eyes fell to his phone, laying dark on the coffee table. He grabbed it and pulled up Makoto’s number-his thumb hovering over the call icon.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>I’ll never forget you, little shark.</em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>He tapped the call icon decisively and the phone rang. As he waited for Makoto to pick up, he felt like he was standing at the threshold of something big-that whatever happened next would change his life forever.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The phone rang and rang. He hadn’t seen Makoto since they parted at the train station the other day. He suddenly became nervous-maybe Makoto decided to move on? Maybe Sousuke’s fear had been realized, that the other man finally saw Sousuke for what he was-a sad, lonely man-and didn’t want any part of it, and was avoiding Sousuke. He almost ended the call-giving up on this whole idea when the ringing stopped, there was a rustle, and he heard that familiar voice on the other end, and breathed a sigh of relief.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Hello? Sousuke?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p><em>Yes, it’s me, Makoto! </em>Sousuke wanted to say. <em>I’m here. I’m ready to tell you EVERYTHING. Anything you wanted to know and more. I’m ready. I want you. I want us.</em></p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>What came out was, “Hey, Makoto.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Sousuke! How are you?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Good, I’m…better.” Sousuke stood and paced to try and ease his nerves. They’d been eating together for so long now and it was always so easy-it never felt like this…new, exciting and scary.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Good! I’m glad.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I…was wondering,” Sousuke said, “what are you doing tomorrow?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I’m off from the station, so I was going to do some stuff around the house, see some friends and have lunch with you.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Would you like to have breakfast with me instead? Here, at my place?” Sousuke asked.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Sure,” Makoto said, “but why the change of plan? We usually meet for lunch.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Well, I think I remember you saying you were a good listener,” Sousuke said, “a-and, I have a few things I want to share with you.” There was a pause, but he could almost feel the heat from Makoto’s smile through his phone.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I AM a good listener,” Makoto said, “and I’ll listen to anything and everything you want to tell me. What time?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>***</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Nine a.m. sharp, Makoto made it to the address of the apartment and rang the bell. He only had to wait a moment before he heard steps and the door opened, revealing Sousuke in a ratty grey tank top, and black jogging pants. They smiled warmly at each other for a moment.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“G’morning, Makoto.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Hello, Sousuke.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sousuke hesitated for a moment and said, “Uh, you sure about this?”</p>
<p>Makoto laughed, “I woke early, rode the first train out here, and stopped to pick up some tea for us. You think I’m going to turn around now?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Heh, guess not. C’mon in, then.” Sousuke turned and led Makoto inside.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“This, is home,” Sousuke announced, and led Makoto into the living / dining room.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“It’s really nice, Sousuke!”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Thanks. I’m gonna grab the food. Make yourself comfortable. You can toss your stuff wherever,” and Sousuke left for the kitchen.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Makoto set the bottle of tea on the table, and set his coat on the arm of the couch, and looked around. It was sparsely decorated, and the largest splash of color was the butsudan. It drew Makoto over to it. Red. Lots of red, in pictures around it. He gasped when he recognized what all the red belonged to. Matsuoka Rin. Dozens of pictures of Rin organized in almost a red halo around the shrine, and one particularly beautiful picture of the man, smiling confidently out through the photo was sitting in a place of honor in the shrine itself.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You ready to eat, Makoto?” Sousuke asked, and Makoto jumped.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yeah! Coming…” and Makoto joined Sousuke at the table.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>***</p>
<p> </p>
<p>They ate in the quiet, comfortable way they always did. Few words were exchanged between bites. Sousuke was caught staring at Makoto as he ate at one point-the rising sun coming in through the window hit his eyes just right and made the green glitter and dance. He could get used to seeing this every single day, he decided. He, for the first time, seriously wondered what waking up with Makoto would feel like. He wanted to find out.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Makoto caught his stare and his cheeks pinkened slightly.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sousuke saved the awkward encounter by saying, “How’s the food?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“It’s great, Sousuke!” Makoto beamed.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>They finished breakfast quickly enough and the dishes went in the sink to be dealt with later. They walked out to the living area again and Makoto grinned at the other man and said, “Well, now what?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He led Makoto to the butsudan and gestured for him to sit down. He sat down facing Makoto, and took a deep breath. “So…here we are.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yeah.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I, uh, guess you’re wondering why I’m so hung up on Rin, huh?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Makoto nodded, “it seemed like you two were really close.”</p>
<p>“I’d like to think we were. Makoto—” Sousuke said, leveling his eyes at Makoto, “go ahead. Ask me.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Sousuke, who was Matsuoka Rin to you?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“He was my husband,” Sousuke said as he reached around his neck and found the necklace, trailed it with his fingers up to the center of his chest and pulled it out to in front of his shirt. There, hanging on it was a simple, but elegant silver ring.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Makoto’s brain stopped for a moment. When it started back up again, he was looking from Sousuke to the pictures on the wall, and thinking about anything he’d ever read about the swimmer. He couldn’t recall anything about him being gay or being MARRIED. But then he saw it. It was a picture of the two of them on a beach during sunset, staring into each other’s eyes. There were tears streaming down Rin’s face, but they both looked so happy, their hands clasped.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Gou is his sister. S-she said you were ‘more than friends’…” Makoto said.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yeah,” Sousuke said, “she’s my sister-in-law. Really, she’s like the sister I never had.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p><em>Oh. That makes sense. </em>Makoto thought to himself. Then, it hit him like a train. The way things played out in Iwatobi when they first met, the look on Sousuke’s face, Sousuke knowing what was going on when everyone else seemed to not have a clue. Sousuke knowing exactly what Makoto needed. The apologies…Makoto heard them in his mind again.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>I wouldn’t have said that if I’d known. No one told me-I didn’t know. I’m so sorry.</em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>Sousuke watched Makoto put everything together. He knew Makoto would pick it up quickly, but the speed with which he was piecing it together was a bit unnerving. Sousuke’s stomach swooped again as he watched those green eyes widen in surprise, dart back and forth over the images on the wall and finally settle into a pensive expression aimed at his lap. Finally, Makoto spoke, meeting his eyes with sad green.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You knew. From the moment I stumbled in to the dining room…you knew. Because you lost Rin, too.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sousuke swallowed hard and said, “I-I didn’t know exactly what happened, until a coworker told me that night at dinner, but…I knew something was wrong. I could see it in your eyes.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You said…you said, ‘I know that look’. This is what you meant.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yeah.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“A-are YOU okay?” Makoto asked. Sousuke looked bewildered for a moment.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What do you mean?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Losing Rin.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p> Sousuke chuckled, “It’s been five years, Makoto.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yeah, but being alone like that…it’s not easy.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“That’s right,” Sousuke said, lowering his eyes to his lap, “I guess I didn’t know how lonely I really was, until you came along,” Makoto blushed deeply, but Sousuke kept going, “At first, you made me feel all these old feelings of ache and loss-feelings I THOUGHT I was keeping at arm’s length-and it made me so angry having to struggle with them again. And, you were always there-everywhere I went. That’s why I snapped at you. I was afraid you were going to drag me right back into those feelings, so I tried to push you away.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Then, that night at dinner I talked with one of your guys, blue hair and red glasses, he told me what really happened. When I realized what I’d done, I was so ashamed.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Hey,” Makoto reached out and touched Sousuke’s hand, causing the man to look up, “There’s nothing to forgive there. It’s okay.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>They talked and talked for hours. Lunch was a quick bite at a convenience store nearby, followed by a walk on a wooded path that Sousuke said he and Rin used to run on all the time. They came to a clearing that showed a beautiful vista of trees, some rice fields and the setting sun. It was getting really late and Makoto was almost at his saturation point for questions. Sousuke answered all of them patiently and kindly, and Makoto was starting to see Sousuke as much more than just a friend.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He had one more question, though, so here is where he asked it.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Sousuke.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Makoto.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“When did you become a firefighter?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“About a year after Rin died.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“So, only four years or so…you’ve been in Samezuka the whole time?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I was in Tokyo for a year first. Samezuka is small compared to them, and Iwatobi was tiny!” They shared a laugh.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yeah, it is small,” Makoto agreed.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What did you do before that?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I worked at the restaurant. I worked there since high school.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Wow! Even while Rin was away training?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yeah,” Sousuke said, “but, we kept in touch and visited each other. We actually got married in Australia.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Why did you become a firefighter? It seems like such a sudden change, after so long at the restaurant.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sousuke took a deep breath and sighed. He turned to Makoto and said, “I was devastated when Rin died. We just got married a few years before and we were planning our future-a future I saw burn to ashes in front of my eyes. I still feel it sometimes-the ache. It was like…the world lost its color. Food had no taste anymore. It was agony.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I came up here to think one day. I thought to myself ‘I wouldn’t wish this on even my worst enemy’. In fact, if I was a fireman and was there, I could’ve helped, and maybe Rin would have lived. I never wanted anyone ever to have to go through what I went through if I had the power to help, so, a year after Rin passed, I went to fire school, and became a firefighter. I feel like it’s what I was meant to do, you know? I-I’d like to think Rin would be proud, anyway.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Makoto reached out and grabbed Sousuke’s arm, saying, “I know he would have,” and pulled the larger man into a tight hug. Sousuke gasped at the gesture, but soon found his arms reaching around and holding Makoto too.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Sousuke?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yeah?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Thank you, for telling me.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>And Sousuke’s heart leapt. Gou was right. He took the risk. He told Makoto everything, and would still be telling him things, hopefully, for years. And Makoto didn’t run-wasn’t angry.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He stayed.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Chapter 7</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Rin? You’re home really late. Where were you?”</p><p> </p><p>“…”</p><p> </p><p>“Rin?”</p><p> </p><p>“Huh?  Oh, hey, Sousuke.”</p><p> </p><p>“You’re home really late. Where were you?”</p><p> </p><p>“I was…*sigh* I was paying for some asshole’s vacation.”</p><p> </p><p>“Do I want to know?”</p><p> </p><p>“Not really.”</p><p> </p><p>“Ok.”</p><p> </p><p>“Sou?”</p><p> </p><p>“Hm?”</p><p> </p><p>“Do you…do you know of a swimmer named…named…”</p><p> </p><p>“named….”</p><p> </p><p>“…never mind. Forget I said anything.”</p><p> </p><p>“You sure?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah. Don’t worry about it.”</p><p> </p><p>“Ok.”</p><p> </p><p>“…”</p><p> </p><p>“Sou?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah?”</p><p> </p><p>“I love you.”</p><p> </p><p>“You too, little shark.”</p><p> </p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>There were dates, though neither of them called them that. There were Mario Kart races, and walks on the beach and scary movies-which, Sousuke learned VERY quickly Makoto didn’t like-and slowly but very surely, they both began setting aside space in their hearts for each other.</p><p> </p><p>It was thrilling, Makoto thought, to get the chance to learn about someone new. The friends he had in Iwatobi he’d known all his life. They made some friends in school in Tokyo, of course, but after that was done, they went their separate ways. To get to know someone this deeply again…was new and exciting. Sousuke was dorky and quietly silly at times, whispering stupid jokes and puns in Makoto’s ear to make him giggle, but could also be stand-offish and cold, like when they first met. The Yamazaki Sousuke handbook was being written a page at a time, and the brown-haired man was getting better and better at telling what each glance and smile and glare meant.</p><p> </p><p>Sousuke knew he was being read. Knew it every time those green eyes lit up and sparkled-intently focused on his face. He was never really comfortable with any kind of attention directed his way, but Makoto’s was different. It was appraising, sure, but comforting, like training wheels on a bike. Makoto was curious, he peppered Sousuke with questions about his life, how he felt, and what he did, but there was a softness to Makoto’s gaze that seemed to constantly reassure that anything Sousuke said was safe with Makoto. That he’d know what to do with it, how to care for it, where to put it. There weren’t enough dinners in the world that he could buy for Makoto to make up for just that alone.</p><p> </p><p>One night, Sousuke dared snaking an arm around Makoto as they sat watching a show. Makoto started moving immediately. Sousuke was just about to pull away and apologize but froze when he realized Makoto scooted <em>closer</em>-slotting himself in to Sousuke’s side. When the other man settled, he put his arm back, his hand gently resting on Makoto’s side. They watched for a few more minutes, the pictures flickering unseen across their eyes. Sousuke felt pressure on his leg, and looked down to see that Makoto’s had was resting there.</p><p> </p><p>He felt a surge of warmth, his normally cold and empty apartment didn’t feel so lonely anymore. But there was also this tension. If you asked Sousuke what was going on in the movie, he wouldn’t be able to answer, despite staring right at it. The only thing in his mind was <em>Makoto, Makoto, Makoto…</em></p><p> </p><p>He would have happily stayed in that position with the brown-haired man forever, but as they sat that way, the tension between them began to climb. He could feel the minute movements of Makoto’s fingers on his thigh, and he was sure Makoto could feel his thumb rubbing back and forth on Makoto’s side. Like a coiled spring, he could feel Makoto tighten in his grasp.</p><p> </p><p>“Smooth move, Romeo,” Sousuke purred into Makoto’s ear, causing the other man to gasp and yank his hand away to cover his face.</p><p> </p><p>“I…I’m sorry,” Makoto stammered, “but y-you! You started it!”</p><p> </p><p>Sousuke laughed and rubbed his neck, “Yeah, I did,” he admitted, “was that okay?”</p><p> </p><p>“No,” Makoto said, “I MEAN YES, yes it was. I liked it.”</p><p> </p><p>“Well, ok then…come here,” and Sousuke pulled Makoto back into an even firmer hold and pulled Makoto’s hand back onto his lap, “I liked it too. You’re very cuddly, Makoto.”</p><p> </p><p>“Heh, thanks?”</p><p> </p><p>They settled in to actually watching the show again when Sousuke spoke again.</p><p> </p><p>“Don’t worry-there’ll be plenty of time to ravage me later. There’s no rush,” he said with a smirk.</p><p> </p><p>Makoto didn’t seem to hear him, but his face turned dark red.</p><p> </p><p>Sousuke struggled to keep from laughing.</p><p> </p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>“Aaahh,” Sousuke breathed, “FUCK, Makotoooo…” He got a breathy laugh in response.</p><p> </p><p>“How did you learn to do THAT?” Makoto asked, impressed.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s not something you learn, Mako, it’s something you’re born with,” Sousuke boasted.</p><p> </p><p>“Well,” Makoto said, “you clearly are good with your fingers.”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah,” Sousuke said, wiggling them, “these bad boys have been a real solace on so many cold and lonely nights…”</p><p> </p><p>There was a pause as Makoto glanced over at the other man, and from the floor he winked at Makoto.</p><p> </p><p>Makoto burst out laughing, “Sousuke! I wasn’t talking about that!”</p><p> </p><p>“Really?” Sousuke purred, “Well, I was!”</p><p> </p><p>“You’re trying to distract me. Isn’t that cheating?”</p><p> </p><p>“Depends,” Sousuke let out a grunt, “is it working?”</p><p> </p><p>A blue shell connected with the tailpipe of Sousuke’s Mario kart character and shot him into the air, Makoto’s character zoomed ahead and claimed victory.</p><p> </p><p>“Not at all.”</p><p> </p><p>“Well, can’t blame a guy for trying,” Sousuke said, and pulled himself up to sit next to Makoto on the couch, “Anyway, we should probably get some sleep.”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah,” Makoto said as he stood.</p><p> </p><p>Makoto was staying at Sousuke’s place-a bad flu spread around the team at Samezuka and rendered them short-handed. Makoto, being the most familiar with the team there, was selected to fill in from Iwatobi.</p><p> </p><p>After hearing the news from Mikoshiba, he offered his place to Makoto.</p><p> </p><p>“Just, you know, so you don’t have to take the train back and forth every day,” Sousuke reasoned.</p><p> </p><p>Makoto eagerly agreed. It was Makoto’s first night staying at Sousuke’s place and they spent an evening noshing on mochi ice cream from the restaurant and playing video games like the grown-ups they were.</p><p> </p><p>But now, it was getting late and they had to report to the station in the morning. Sousuke grabbed some clothes and went to the bathroom to clean up and change for the night, which left Makoto alone in the bedroom with the door closed behind him. He looked around the room, and noticed one side of the bed with a single pillow and no items on the nightstand, and the other side, various items graced the bedside table. Most notably, a picture of Rin and Sousuke together, a candid shot from high school maybe? Makoto smiled to himself. They looked happy together. They looked GOOD together.</p><p> </p><p>He shook himself out of his thoughts and grabbed his bag from the floor and pulled some stuff out, making sure to use on the non-used side of the bed. They hadn’t discussed sleeping arrangements, but he was perfectly happy with a futon on the floor. At least, that was what he expected. He wasn’t sure what Sousuke had in mind.</p><p> </p><p>He changed and soon after heard a knock on the door.</p><p> </p><p>“Makoto? You good if I come in?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah,” Makoto called. The door cracked open and Sousuke’s head popped into sight.</p><p> </p><p>His gaze slid over Makoto, who was wearing a loose t shirt and shorts and he sighed, “Man, I missed the good stuff, didn’t I?”</p><p> </p><p>Makoto chuckled, “Yeah…too bad for you.” He tossed his clothes back in his bag and picked it up, and met Sousuke at the door.</p><p> </p><p>“Bathroom’s free.”</p><p> </p><p>“Thanks, Sousuke,” Makoto said, “I’ll come out to help you with the futon after I’m done.”</p><p> </p><p>“Futon?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah…” Makoto said, watching the confusion roll across Sousuke’s features, “…what?”</p><p> </p><p>Sousuke searched Makoto’s face and found nothing but genuine curiosity. He blushed deeply.</p><p> </p><p>“I uh…don’t have one.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, well the couch is fine then,” Makoto said reassuringly, but Sousuke just blushed deeper, “Sousuke?”</p><p> </p><p>“Well,” Sousuke said, as he rubbed the back of his neck, looking embarrassed, “…I thought that maybe you would like to…” He gestured at the clean, neat side of the bed.</p><p> </p><p>Oh…<em>OH.</em></p><p> </p><p>It was Makoto’s turn to turn red. He hadn’t thought of this at all-the possibility that Sousuke wanted to share the bed with him tonight. Makoto was still learning how to read the taller man, but nothing in his current expression spoke to anything but this being what it was. Sleeping. In bed. Together.</p><p> </p><p>The thought made him feel warm and his heart skipped a beat at the idea of not having to sleep alone, and with Sousuke who was solid, and kind and…good. He glanced back at the bed, and at the picture on the far bedside table. How long now had it been? Five years since Sousuke’s offered something like this to anybody, and he was asking Makoto.</p><p> </p><p>“Sorry, Makoto,” Sousuke muttered, “it’s fine if you don’t want to…”</p><p> </p><p>“No!” Makoto said, cutting the other man’s words off, “I’d like to…I just didn’t think…”</p><p> </p><p>He felt a hand on his arm and his focus was pulled back to Sousuke’s smiling eyes.</p><p> </p><p>“I promise to be good…”</p><p> </p><p>Makoto laughed, “I know you will! Thank you, Sousuke.” Sousuke nodded and stepped aside, letting Makoto out into the hallway and the bathroom. Sousuke turned back to the bed, and smiled to himself as he turned down the sheets and crawled under them on his side of the bed, and hoped, that the other side would eventually become Makoto’s side.</p><p> </p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>Rin’s pillow was moving in his arms. It was warm, and soft, and moving. Sousuke frowned and tightened his grasp to keep it still, and mumbled, “mmhmmm...no, pillow.”</p><p> </p><p>“Pillow?” The pillow squeaked. Sousuke sighed in agreement, and in the next breath in, he tried to find Rin’s scent on it and his frown deepened.</p><p> </p><p>Rin’s pillow didn’t smell right-at all. Actually, it smelled very nice. A musky, natural smell, but definitely NOT the smell he was expecting.</p><p> </p><p>The pillow tried to escape his grasp again and Sousuke yanked it back into his arms.</p><p> </p><p>“Let me go,” the pillow whined, “I have to pee.”</p><p> </p><p>Sousuke giggled. Pillows couldn’t pee! In that moment, Sousuke’s grip loosened just enough for the pillow to try another escape. It burst forward, but in the dark room it didn’t realize how close to the edge of the bed it was and landed on the floor with a loud THUNK and a groan.</p><p> </p><p>This commotion, finally, was enough to pull Sousuke out of his sleep. He couldn’t see anyone in the dark room, but he heard rustling.</p><p> </p><p>“Hello?” He cautiously offered.</p><p> </p><p>“Sousuke?” Makoto answered, and Sousuke’s brain helpfully remembered the past day.</p><p> </p><p>“Makoto?” On cue, Makoto’s head popped up over the side of the bed.</p><p> </p><p>“Well, I’m definitely not your pillow!” He huffed.</p><p> </p><p>Sousuke yawned and looked around for Rin’s pillow, but it was nowhere around, “What happened?”</p><p> </p><p>“You had me in your clutches, Sousuke,” Makoto said in a dry tone and stood.</p><p> </p><p>He frowned down at his lap, “What did I…”</p><p> </p><p>“Later, later,” Makoto said and turned to the door, “I have to pee.”</p><p> </p><p>Makoto then left. Sousuke chucked to himself…in his dream, Rin’s pillow had to pee too…OH NO.</p><p> </p><p>***</p><p>“I <em>held</em> you?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah…” Makoto said over breakfast, both men blushing.</p><p> </p><p>“W-why didn’t you, like, elbow me in the ribs, or something? I wouldn’t have been mad,” Sousuke said, “Sorry, Makoto, I guess I fell into old habits again.”</p><p> </p><p><em>He looks so ashamed of himself</em>, Makoto thought sadly, “Sousuke, hey…It’s fine. Don’t look like that. It…”</p><p> </p><p>As he searched for words to smooth over this situation, he realized something. It was MORE than fine, really, but he didn’t feel this was the time to bring that up. He’d never been held as he slept before. It was always him holding Haru before. Sousuke was solid and warm. It was comforting, and sweet. It was…</p><p> </p><p>“...was kinda nice, actually.” Sousuke’s expression went from ashamed to shocked in seconds, and Makoto realized he actually said it out loud, his eyebrows shooting up, and his hands covering his mouth in case it decided to spew any OTHER inconvenient things.</p><p> </p><p>They stared, shocked at each other for a moment.</p><p> </p><p>“Really?”</p><p> </p><p>Makoto nodded, looking sheepish, “I’ve never been held before. Haru was way too small.”</p><p> </p><p>Getting over the initial shock, relief and comfort overwhelmed Sousuke and he huffed a laugh at how shy Makoto looked just then.</p><p> </p><p>“It…was pretty nice, huh?” Sousuke said, “It felt good…having you there. Not as lonely.”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah.”</p><p> </p><p>“Do you…still want to stay?”</p><p> </p><p>“Of course, I do! You’re going to have to do more than that to chase me away, Sousuke.”</p><p> </p><p>“I…might try to grab for you again?”</p><p> </p><p>This situation felt different than any other he’d been in before. But it felt good and right. Sousuke was offering the promise of something unknown and a little scary. True, his subconscious might try to grab Makoto in his sleep, but Sousuke’s teal eyes flashed, just for a moment, and he knew Sousuke wasn’t asking for his pardon…he was asking for <em>permission</em>.</p><p> </p><p>He dove into the crystal-clear blue in Sousuke’s eyes and he said with full intent, “I look forward to it.”</p><p> </p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>“All right, boys! On three!” Mikoshiba called out, “One, two…three!”</p><p> </p><p>“THANK YOU, TACHIBANA-SAAAAN!”</p><p> </p><p>Makoto blushed deeply as he stood with the captain in front of the regimented rows of firefighters. He shyly bowed to them and said, “T-thank you for taking care of me…” He straightened and his eyes met those of Sousuke in the back row. Those teal eyes were smiling with an unspoken tease, and Makoto’s blush darkened.</p><p> </p><p>The crew was fully back from their sick leave at Samezuka and Makoto was excused to go back to his home station. After breakfast, Sousuke took Makoto back to his apartment to gather his things.</p><p> </p><p>Living with Makoto. It was so easy from that first night to now. Their schedules dove-tailed together so nicely, and it never felt like Makoto was intruding or that Sousuke was being overbearing. It was harmonious. Makoto brought a warmth and presence to the apartment that may not have ever been there. And, there he was, watching that presence gather its things to walk right out the door.</p><p> </p><p>He knew he was going to see Makoto again-hell; he’d see him tomorrow at lunch, just like always. But now it felt like they were taking a step backwards, and Sousuke didn’t like it. His bed would be empty again on one side, and there would be no ‘welcome home!’ waiting for him when he returned.</p><p> </p><p>“Ok, well…” Makoto looked around once more, “I think that’s everything.” He looked at Sousuke, who seemed to be staring into space with a slight frown, “Sousuke?”</p><p> </p><p>The taller man snapped out of his daze and looked at Makoto, “Yeah? You ready?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah…Sousuke, you alright?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah. Here-let me get that for you.”</p><p> </p><p>Coat-on. Bags-gathered. They were at the front door, and really there was nothing else keeping Makoto there.</p><p> </p><p>“Well, thank you for hosting me, Sousuke! This made things much easier.”</p><p> </p><p>“Sure,” Sousuke said, “hope it wasn’t too much of a bother staying here.”</p><p> </p><p>Makoto smiled warmly, “Of course it wasn’t. You’re a wonderful host. Thank YOU for taking care of me. Again.”</p><p> </p><p>“Makoto. I’ve told you…you’ve never been a burden. It’s always good…being with you.”</p><p> </p><p>“Right,” Makoto said. He certainly wasn’t looking forward to waking up alone instead of snuggled with Sousuke. Cooking and eating alone. Iwatobi was home, but wouldn’t it be nice, if…well, if Sousuke could be home too? Like Haru was? If this week was a taste of what things <em>could</em> be like with Sousuke, was it selfish of him to want it? Either way, he’d imposed for far too long. Sousuke was likely just saying those things to be polite. With such a nice place, who wouldn’t want it for themselves? Makoto would just be getting in the way. Yeah, better to go back to the way things were. They’d have lunch tomorrow. Makoto would tell Sousuke how fat those Colas were going to make him and they’d make plans for another video game night, and things would go back to the way they were.</p><p> </p><p>That’s what <em>should</em> happen, right? He forced his signature smile on his face and said, “Well, bye Sousuke!” Makoto turned to grab the door, and froze when he felt Sousuke suddenly step closer.</p><p> </p><p>“You should stay,” Sousuke blurted out.</p><p> </p><p>Makoto looked behind him, “What?”</p><p> </p><p>“Y-you said I could tell you anything, right?”</p><p> </p><p>Makoto turned to face Sousuke head on.</p><p> </p><p>“Yes, I did,” Makoto said.</p><p> </p><p>He drew a deep breath, and said, slowly and carefully, “I think you should stay here…with me.”</p><p> </p><p>“Sousuke…”</p><p> </p><p>Sousuke could feel it coming all morning, the thought of how quiet the apartment would be after Makoto left, how just meeting for lunch would never feel like quite enough anymore. He didn’t know how Makoto felt, but his whole being itched to say something.</p><p> </p><p> “Makoto,” Sousuke said, “I don’t know how you feel about what just happened-this past week, but I really liked living with you. I liked cooking breakfast with you. I like how your eyes gleam after you kick my ass in Mario Kart. I like your smile. I like what you look like when you sleep. I like how much you care. I liked knowing there was someone to come home to again…”</p><p> </p><p>“Sousuke, you…” Makoto tried to interrupt, the overwhelm of what seemed to be coming making his eyes water. But Sousuke barreled on.</p><p> </p><p>“I like YOU, Makoto. Everything about you. If you honestly think you were an inconvenience, you couldn’t possibly be more wrong. While you were here…this place never felt more like home.”</p><p> </p><p>Makoto said nothing, his head was bowed, his long bangs covering his eyes as he grabbed Sousuke’s arm and pulled him into a hug.</p><p> </p><p>“You know,” Makoto said wetly, “it’s not nice to make people cry.”</p><p> </p><p>Sousuke laughed and hugged Makoto tighter, “I’m sorry, Makoto.”</p><p> </p><p>As they held on, and Makoto had a chance to sort out his swirling feelings, he realized he knew now beyond any doubt where he stood in the taller man’s eyes. Sousuke didn’t want him to go-far from it. Sousuke felt the same way too, and so strongly, he answered in such a way that Makoto would remember it for years. <em>Yes,</em> he said, <em>I want to be your home.</em></p><p> </p><p>But reality was rarely that simple, and when it crashed down around Makoto again, he sniffed to clear his nose and pulled his head out of the crook of Sousuke’s neck to meet the man face on.</p><p> </p><p>“Don’t be,” Makoto said, “I’m so happy you said that to me. I really like you too, Sousuke.”</p><p> </p><p>“Really?” Sousuke said, his eyes twinkling.</p><p> </p><p>“Yes…and, I wish I could stay. But…well,”</p><p> </p><p>“It’s okay…” Sousuke encouraged, “you can tell me anything too.”</p><p> </p><p>“I can’t stay…not yet,” Makoto said.</p><p> </p><p>Sousuke was a bit disappointed, but the more he thought about it, the more he understood. Five years later and he’d just gotten over Rin himself. Makoto lost Haru less than a year ago. The man in his arms was still grieving. It made sense to give him more time, and anyway, he felt so much lighter having told Makoto how he felt. He’d never said things like that to Rin, trying to play it cool, but he wished he had after Rin passed. He wasn’t going to make the same mistake twice.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, I get it,” Sousuke said, “but when you’re ready, I’ll be waiting.” He started relaxing the hold he had on the brown-haired man, but Makoto held firm. Makoto studied him fondly for a minute, and went back in for a hug.</p><p> </p><p>He whispered in Sousuke’s ear, “but, that doesn’t mean we have to go back to being friends, does it?”</p><p> </p><p>A thrill ran through Sousuke’s body as he felt Makoto’s lips on his cheek, planting a kiss there.</p><p> </p><p>“N-no,” Sousuke hissed, “not at all.”</p><p> </p><p>They finally broke the hug, and Makoto grabbed his things, shot Sousuke a warm smile and turned to leave, saying, “I’ll see you tomorrow, Sou.”</p><p> </p><p>Sousuke gaped at him, “Yeah! See you then, Mako,” and watched his boyfriend walk out the door. He felt too hot, could still feel Makoto’s lips on his cheek, and was so close to chasing after him, but stopped. That would be wrong, he thought. Makoto wanted to do this right, and so did he.</p><p>***</p><p> </p><p><em> Too soon…</em> Makoto’s brain echoed as he bought groceries for one.</p><p> </p><p><em>Too soon…</em> it echoed again as he called out, “I’m home,” when he entered the apartment, but no one answered.</p><p> </p><p><em>Too soon…</em> it echoed again as he looked around his apartment where Haru’s things and Makoto’s things existed together-intermingled on bedside tables, on bookshelves, in kitchen drawers. Who knew how long it would take to sort through? He had far too much respect for Haru to just shove things in boxes and forget about them in some storage locker.</p><p> </p><p>“What now, Haru?” Makoto asked the blue eyes that shone down at him from the painting. The eyes seemed to reassure. <em>You’ll figure it out</em>, they seemed to say.</p><p> </p><p>Maybe they couldn’t live together yet, but Sousuke opened his home to Makoto in a whole new way this past week, and, in doing so, opened himself up to Makoto completely. Makoto hosted Sousuke at his place for numerous game nights at this point and he realized that there may be a step he could take.</p><p> </p><p>On his way to lunch the next day, Makoto stopped by the hardware store.</p><p> </p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>“You know how fat you’re going to get if you keep drinking that?”</p><p> </p><p>“I can always rely on exercise, Mako. It hasn’t failed me yet.”</p><p> </p><p>“Yes, but I’m not so sure your metabolism will always be there for you, though.”</p><p> </p><p>Sousuke laughed, “Fair, but let a man have what he likes. What if I made fun of you every time you had any chocolate at all?” Makoto blushed and Sousuke nodded, “See?”</p><p> </p><p>“Anyway,” Makoto said, steering them towards less contentious topics, “I, uh, got something for you. I was thinking about what you said yesterday, and what I said, and I really want that-someday…with you. But, I still have so much to sort through.”</p><p> </p><p>“I understand,” Sousuke nodded, “what can I do?”</p><p> </p><p>Makoto reached into his coat pocket and pulled out a small paper bag that had been neatly folded closed. He set the bag down in front of the black-haired man. A lone eyebrow shot up on Sousuke’s face.</p><p> </p><p>“They didn’t have little boxes at the hardware store.”</p><p> </p><p><em>Hardware store?!</em> The other eyebrow shot up to meet the other on his face. Sousuke now <em>very</em> interested in what was inside took the bag gingerly, and unfolded the top. The bag was very light, but he could feel a weight at the bottom. When the bag was open, he poured the contents out in his palm and there lay a pair of shiny new keys.</p><p> </p><p>“They’re…to my apartment,” Makoto clarified, “You don’t need an invitation to come over anymore-you can come over any time. Day or night.”</p><p> </p><p>Sousuke stared at them in wonder for a moment, before there was a small hitch in his breath. The hitch turned into giggles, and then turned into laughter.</p><p> </p><p>Makoto frowned-this wasn’t the reaction he was expecting, at ALL. Sousuke was still laughing, holding the keys.</p><p> </p><p>“Never mind. It was a stupid idea, sorry,” Makoto tried to backtrack and tried to reach for the keys when Sousuke finally started getting control over himself and grabbed Makoto’s outstretched hand.</p><p> </p><p>“No…no it’s not that, Makoto. This is – heh- a VERY generous gift. I’m touched, really. Thank you,” he said, and placed a kiss to the hand in his grasp.</p><p> </p><p>“Then, why...?” Makoto asked. Sousuke shushed him with his finger before reaching into his own coat pocket, and dropping something into the hand he held, then let Makoto take it back.</p><p> </p><p>In HIS hand, were a set of shiny, new keys as well.</p><p> </p><p>Makoto laughed and laughed.</p><p> </p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>A week later, Makoto woke up alone in his bed. He turned so he was on his side and looked over to the vacant side of the bed. Just looking at the empty side before brought pain and devastation, but now his feelings didn’t tear him in two. He ached, but it was tempered with a sense of finality-of acceptance. His glance fell on the picture Haru had of both of them on his bedside table.</p><p> </p><p>He knew Haru would never come back. He knew he was lucky. He was lucky to have Haru for as long as he did- to witness firsthand the kind and strong grace with which he lived his life. It would continue to inspire him through treasured memories.</p><p> </p><p><em>What would Haru want?</em> Makoto asked himself. The answer came immediately, <em>He’d want me to be happy…even if he wasn’t there to make sure of it himself.</em> His thoughts turned to include the tall, stoic man from Samezuka. Sousuke did make him happy, too.</p><p> </p><p>If he was being honest, Sousuke and Haru were a lot alike. Both taciturn, polite but distant unless you got to know them. But, when you did, you were treated their caring, warm, devoted inner nature. When you made it past the tough exterior, you got back so much more than you gave-and Makoto could give a LOT.</p><p> </p><p>But Sousuke was different in his own ways. He was BIG, even bigger than Makoto. When they slept together, it felt…so nice being held by the larger man. While Haru’s humor was odd and rather dry, Sousuke’s was silly, and he had the strange ability to make Makoto giggle with just a look.</p><p> </p><p>And, Sousuke was here-waiting for him.</p><p> </p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>He brought it up as he and Sousuke were curled up on the couch one evening.</p><p> </p><p>“I think I want to start putting some of Haru’s things away.”</p><p> </p><p>“When?”</p><p> </p><p>“Sunday.”</p><p> </p><p>“…Ok.”</p><p> </p><p>“Sousuke? Would you come over?”</p><p> </p><p>“I’ll be there,” He said, and tightened his hold on the brown-haired man, who was beginning the second hardest thing he’d ever have to do…move on.</p><p> </p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>“Wow. Makoto, these are great!” Sousuke said from the floor. Makoto was sitting on the bed, sorting through Haru’s bedside table drawers, and looked over at him. He was flipping through a photo album which was filled with pictures of pieces of art-Haru’s previous works.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, he was popular,” Makoto said, “That should be every professional work he did-well, all except one. There was one he never let me see, and he delivered it himself while I was at work, so I couldn’t take a picture of it.”</p><p> </p><p>“I wonder why.” Sousuke said, still gazing at the pictures.</p><p> </p><p>Makoto grabbed a new handful of stuff from the drawer, saying, “I don’t know, actually. Haru said something about signing an ‘NDA’?”</p><p> </p><p>“Non-Disclosure Agreement,” Sousuke said, “his client must’ve wanted to keep things secret then. Even from you.”</p><p> </p><p>Makoto laughed, “You saying I can’t be trusted?”</p><p> </p><p>“With that smile and those eyes? Not a chance,” Sousuke said, and they both laughed.</p><p>The contents of the drawer were mostly scraps of paper-Haru wasn’t a big collector of things. Makoto found letters from Haru’s family in Tokyo, notes Makoto left him, plane tickets, a book on dolphins, a copy of the deed to the old Nanase family house. A few pictures of Makoto and Haru together were standing up against the wall of the drawer and Makoto pulled them out to look at them more closely.</p><p> </p><p>He felt a weight settle down on the bed next to him. Sousuke said, “More pictures?”</p><p> </p><p>Makoto smiled and nodded, “These were from a surprise vacation Haru took me on to the Carribean,” Makoto handed the pictures to Sousuke as he said, “One night, he came home really late and smelled like pool water. He snuggled into bed next to me and just as we were falling asleep, he asked me if I had any time off saved up. I told him I did, and he told me to pick a week about two months in the future and take the whole thing off.”</p><p> </p><p>“Was he usually that spontaneous?”</p><p> </p><p>“No! That’s what really surprised me. But, before I knew it, we were on a plane. It was amazing. We went to so many beaches, haha!”</p><p> </p><p>As Sousuke flipped through the pictures, Makoto turned to see if anything else was in the drawer. To his surprise, behind where the pictures were standing up was a piece of paper taped to the side, about the size of an index card. He gently pulled it free and brought it out into the light.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, one of Haru’s commission receipts,” Makoto said. He was struggling to read the writing in some spots that had faded but two words were clearly written in the customer name field…</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Rin Matsuoka</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>***</p><p>
  <em>No way.</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>“No way,” Makoto breathed. Sousuke set the pictures down, focusing now on the paper in Makoto’s hand. Makoto looked at him and asked, “Did-I mean-Is this Rin’s signature?” He handed the paper to Sousuke who focused where Makoto pointed and gasped.</p><p> </p><p>“Holy crap. Yes…yes, it is! And that’s his phone number!” Sousuke said, pointing to a hastily scrawled line of digits running up one side.</p><p> </p><p>“Haru did a piece for Rin…” Makoto mused.</p><p> </p><p>“Looks like it…OH GOD. He paid <em>that much</em> for a painting?” Makoto was examining the paper along with Sousuke and noticed where one number was crossed off, a ‘+50% Prize Fee’ was written and a new, larger number was scrawled next to it, “That idiot. This is why I tried to set up his money with an accountant, so he wouldn’t do stupid shit like this.”</p><p> </p><p>Makoto crawled off the bed and moved to the stack of photo albums saying, “Sousuke, what’s the year written on the receipt?”</p><p> </p><p>“Uh, says it was six years ago. April.” Makoto found the right one, and began flipping through it, thanking his past self for arranging these in order. He looked, but couldn’t find any picture of Rin or Sousuke, or Gou for that matter, from anywhere that year.</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t think it’s here,” Makoto said, “do you suppose that’s the NDA picture?”</p><p> </p><p>“I mean, it could be.” Sousuke said, “Rin was pretty protective of his personal life, but he usually only used an NDA when it had something to do with…” Sousuke said, but trailed off the pieces of this puzzle snapped together all at once…the NDA, the painting, the time frame. It all made sense.</p><p> </p><p>“Sousuke?”</p><p> </p><p>“He usually only used an NDA when it had something to do with me. I know exactly where that painting is.”</p><p> </p><p>***</p><p>They rode side-by-side on the train to Samezuka, their legs pressing into each other for support.</p><p> </p><p>“I can’t believe Haru never told me,” Makoto muttered.</p><p> </p><p>“Well, those legal agreements are pretty strict, Mako,” Sousuke said.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, but why did he use them if it had to do with you?”</p><p> </p><p>Sousuke looked around the train car at the smattering of people, and said, “let’s wait until we’re alone for that.”</p><p> </p><p>Makoto nodded and pulled the receipt out again. Everything else in that drawer was just tossed in there in no particular order, but those pictures, and this receipt were neatly set to one side. Haru had always secretly been a fan of Rin’s. He could see Haru jumping through some legal hoops to meet the red-haired man himself. He flipped the receipt in his hands, exposing the back and noticed some writing on there as well.</p><p> </p><p>“Sou,” Makoto nudged the other man, who looked at Makoto and then down at the paper, “we didn’t look at the back. There’s more.”</p><p> </p><p>In neat, clean writing was a hand-written table with two columns and two rows. One was headed with ‘MR’ and the other with ‘NH’, and below them were what looked to be times. Both of the times under ‘NH’ were circled.</p><p> </p><p>“Those look like race times…” Sousuke said, suspicious, “and there’s a signature.”</p><p> </p><p>“The name seems to be ‘Aiichiro Nitori’,” Makoto read aloud.</p><p> </p><p>Sousuke laughed quietly, “that little…”</p><p> </p><p>“Wait. Is that…Ai? THAT Ai? Bowl-cut? Silver hair?”</p><p> </p><p>“That’s the one,” Sousuke confirmed, “Well, I guess we’re making a stop at the station before we go home.”</p><p> </p><p>***</p><p>As they approached the walkway to the fire station, Makoto asked, “so-how did Rin and Ai know each other? You weren’t working at the fire station that far back.”</p><p> </p><p>“We went to high school together. Rin was Ai’s sempai.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh! So, he knows everything about…you two…”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah,” Sousuke smiled over at Makoto and gave him a one-armed side hug, “And he’s really happy I’m with a guy as great as you now.”</p><p> </p><p>“Sousuke…” Makoto simpered, pink dusting his cheeks.</p><p> </p><p>They entered the lobby shortly after and there was the man in question.</p><p> </p><p>“Sousuke! Makoto!” Ai chirped, “What are you doing here?”</p><p> </p><p>“We came to ask some questions, Ai. Thought you might have some answers for us.”</p><p> </p><p>The short man became visibly nervous, “A-about what?”</p><p> </p><p>Makoto took the receipt out of his pocket and put it down on the desk, “is this your signature?”</p><p> </p><p>Ai looked at it, “yes, that’s my signature,” he picked up the paper and flipped it over, “what is thi…” his voice stopping mid word as his eyes widened and he went pale. He handed back the piece of paper quickly and stuttered, “I’mafraidIcan’tsayanythingaboutthis!”</p><p> </p><p>Sousuke rolled his eyes, “Ai, if this is because of an NDA, I’m in control of those now, so you can talk to me, and I clear you to tell Makoto too.”</p><p><br/>The smaller man looked between them both, and took them to a private room.</p><p> </p><p>***</p><p>“Those are race times,” Ai said, “Rin called me up one day and asked me to do him a favor. He told me to meet him at the Iwatobi SC, in the middle of the night, and to come alone.”</p><p> </p><p>“Did he say why?” Makoto asked.</p><p> </p><p>“No, but when I got there, he was stretching next to some guy I’d never seen before.”</p><p> </p><p>“What did the other guy look like?” Sousuke asked.</p><p> </p><p>“A little shorter than Rin, black hair with long bangs…really blue eyes…really stoic.”</p><p> </p><p>“Jammers with purple accents on them?” Makoto asked, hopefully.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, I think so.”</p><p> </p><p>Makoto huffed a laugh, “That’s Haru.”</p><p> </p><p>“Why were they there, Ai?” Sousuke asked.</p><p> </p><p>“They didn’t tell me, but it seemed like a bet-like the ones you and Rin used to do all the time back in school. The guy…Haru must’ve said something because Rin was already edgy when I got there.”</p><p> </p><p>Sousuke looked at Makoto, curious. Makoto shrugged and shyly explained, “Haru…wasn’t always the most tactful person…”</p><p> </p><p>“And Rin was pretty sensitive,” Sousuke said, “What else, Ai?”</p><p> </p><p>“They needed me to run the clock and call the race. Well, races, plural.”</p><p> </p><p>They looked down at the paper again, there were two sets of times, both of the times for ‘NH’ were circled. Looking at both the taller men let out a gasp.</p><p> </p><p>“Haru won by a whole <em>second</em>?! And a half-second for the second race!” Makoto exclaimed.</p><p> </p><p>“Ai, are you SURE about these times? Rin was…he was the best pro swimmer in JAPAN six years ago!” Sousuke said.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m sure!” Ai said defensively, “we used the electronic scoring system at the pool. They even switched lanes for the second race!”</p><p> </p><p>“It was only supposed to be one race, “Ai continued, “but Rin got mad. I think he underestimated Haru, and kinda slacked off. Then, the Haru said something I couldn’t hear and Rin REALLY got mad, and demanded best two out of three. Haru agreed and we set up for the second race, which he also won.”</p><p> </p><p>While Sousuke and Ai were talking, Makoto was listening quietly, a tender ache infiltrating his whole being. His eyes became glassy, and couldn’t make his mouth work.</p><p> </p><p>Haru WON, and didn’t say anything about it. Won against a silver-medalist…the pride of Japan in swimming, and quietly came home, snuggled up to Makoto and suggested they go on a vacation-which,  come to find out, the pride of Japan was paying for!</p><p> </p><p>Sousuke looked over at Makoto and realized something was wrong.</p><p> </p><p>He turned to Ai and said, “Thanks, Ai. We’ll let you get back to work.” Ai bowed and left. Sousuke turned to Makoto and said, “Let’s go home, ok?”</p><p> </p><p>Makoto nodded dumbly.</p><p> </p><p>***</p><p>The walk to Sousuke’s apartment was silent. Sousuke stayed near enough that their shoulders bumped occasionally, a calm presence.</p><p> </p><p>They made it to the apartment, and once inside, Sousuke guided Makoto to the bed room.</p><p> </p><p>“Do you want to see the painting?” Sousuke asked. Makoto nodded. Sousuke opened his closet and dug around in the back, pulling out a thin, rectangle shaped box. From the box he slid the painting, wrapped in a slip of fabric. He stood it on a short end and pulled the sheet away.</p><p> </p><p>It was Sousuke and Rin, both wearing their leg skins, and gazing lovingly into each other’s eyes as they floated below the surface of crystal-clear water.</p><p> </p><p>It was beautiful. It was definitely one of Haru’s works-Makoto could tell by the careful attention paid to getting the look of the water just right. He focused on their faces. Rin’s was so full of openness and vulnerability, and Sousuke’s…his was of calm devotion and reassurance. That look was so familiar. He’d seen it hundreds of times now…</p><p> </p><p>“I love this painting,” Sousuke said, “Rin got it for me for our Anniversary a year before he passed. We had it hanging just above the bed-over there. But, when he left…when he passed, I couldn’t bear to look at it…it just hurt too much. I thought about throwing it out, or burning it, but I couldn’t bring myself to, so I just put it away. Maybe I should put it back up again. Now that we know the story behind it, it’s special to both of us. What do you think?”</p><p> </p><p>Makoto turned, and there, on the man in front of him, was the exact same expression from the painting.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Devotion. Reassurance. Home. </em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>Love.</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>Makoto’s face suddenly felt wet with droplets falling down his cheeks, he croaked, “I’m really glad you kept it.”</p><p> </p><p>Sousuke pulled him into a hug, saying, “Yeah. Me too. You must be so proud of Haru, Makoto. For at least one night, he was the best swimmer in Japan.”</p><p> </p><p>Sousuke held him tight as he cried, overwhelmed by the pride and the yearning for Haru, the new meaning behind the trip they took, and the realization that, even though the words weren’t said out loud yet, Sousuke was saying the same thing to Makoto that he once did to Rin years ago.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>I love you.</em>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Chapter 8</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“You know, your sense of direction is going to get you in trouble someday.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yeah, I know.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“This is the second time I’ve had to guide you out of the movie theater.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Hey-in my defense, movie theaters are designed by the same guys who design casinos…”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What? No, they aren’t!”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Sure, they are. The lighting in them both is crap, twisty corridors that lead you in circles, no clocks on the walls…I think they just want you to keep wandering from movie to movie, occasionally finding the snack bar so you don’t starve, bleeding you of all your money, and then you eventually die there.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“…”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Or, your sense of direction just sucks.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“…yeah, it’s probably that. Thanks for helping me, Rin.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Two toothbrushes, each.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Two sets of shampoo and soap, each.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Two refrigerators full of food they both enjoyed, each.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Two beds they shared.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Two men, trying to bring their lives together.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I thought we just bought rice…” Sousuke said, his head halfway in a cupboard.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“We did,” Makoto said, “is it not there?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“No…” Sousuke said, but then remembered, “Ah, damn. It’s at the other place.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“It’s fine. I’ll grab it on my way home, Sou.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You sure?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yeah! Let’s have bread today, instead.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>In the weeks following the receipt incident, Sousuke also began quietly packing the rest of Rin’s things. He thought it would be difficult-thought for years he just couldn’t do it-but now he only needed to think of Makoto and the job wasn’t as hard anymore. He was making room in his life and much more room in his heart for the tall, brown haired firefighter and it was easy. Rin was right-as he always was.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The spare keys were being used with increasing frequency. They started showing up at each other’s places with the pretense of wanting to cook something together, or a video game battle, but then the excuses fell away and they leaned into the truth that spending time together was far, far better than time spent apart. Then, they began coordinating where they would meet next, and their lives felt fuller knowing that when they walked through the door, a certain someone would be there waiting, or be there soon with a kiss and a hug and they chased away the cold loneliness together.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Eventually, they no longer thought of the apartments as belonging to one of them specifically. They were referred to finally as, ‘the Iwatobi place’, or ‘the Samezuka place’, or ‘the other place’. Wherever they were, was home.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>That sentiment still had drawbacks…tracking their personal belongings became an issue, and on more than one occasion, muscle memory would take over after a hard day, and they would end up at the wrong apartment.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>They clearly needed to decide on a place-ONE place where both of their names were on the lease, where all the bread and rice and mackerel was, that they could finally call home.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>***</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The phone rang one evening while they were cleaning up from dinner. Sousuke, up to his wrists in soapy water, said, “Mako, could you get that?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Makoto, who was drying what Sousuke washed, nodded and dashed to the living room and answered the call on Sousuke’s cell. “Hello?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Is that you, Tachibana?? WOAH! It’s been a while!”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Hello, captain, how are you?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I’m GREAT!” Mikoshiba practically shouted into the phone, “But, uh, this is Yamazaki’s number, right? I didn’t call you by accident?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Makoto laughed, “No, you got the right number. I’m here with Sousuke.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The brown-haired man could hear the smirk in his voice as he said, “You sly dog, you…”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I-it’s not like that!” Makoto stammered, “We’re just doing dishes!”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Now THERE’s a euphemism I’ve never heard before…” Mikoshiba drawled. Makoto’s face became red, and the captain continued, “aaaanyway, is Sousuke available? Can I talk to him?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Sure. Just a sec,” Makoto said, and went to the kitchen. Sousuke lifted a curious eyebrow and Makoto mouthed, <em>Mikoshiba</em>. Sousuke nodded to a patch of dry counter. Makoto set the phone down on the counter and put it on speaker, and started drying dishes again.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Captain?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Sousuke! What’s that noise I hear?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“We’re doing dishes.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Ohhh…so you’re ACTUALLY doing dishes?” Sousuke looked over at Makoto who was blushing heavily and grimacing, and focusing very hard on drying that bowl in his hands to perfection. He chuckled.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I’m up to my wrists in soapy water, Captain,” Sousuke said, “what can I do for you?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“How do you feel about another trip to Iwatobi? Sounds like the flu we had finally made it to that side of the prefecture and it’s knocking them out, too. We may end up sending a few of our guys this time.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sousuke and Makoto looked at each other and shrugged, “Sure, captain. I’ll go.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Knew we could count you on, Sousuke,” Mikoshiba said, “Ya know, you’ve almost become an honorary member of their station, with how many times we’ve sent you over there in the past few months…”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Well,” Makoto said, “it’s kinda hard to convince guys to transfer to Iwatobi. Captain Sasabe has been trying to increase the numbers, but any potential recruits always choose to work in a larger town. The pay is okay, but Iwatobi is kinda quiet…like there isn’t much to do there for guys in their 20s.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Oh man,” the Captain said, “that sounds rough. Well, I’ll keep my ears open for you guys!”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Thank you, Captain!” Makoto said.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“And Sousuke…we’ll see you in two weeks.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yes, sir,” Sousuke said and they ended the call.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>As they cleaned, Sousuke replayed the exchange between Makoto and the captain a few times and got an idea.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You guys are pretty short-staffed there, huh?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yeah,” Makoto said, now stacking plates, “Sasabe’s pretty frustrated. The guys in the crew are a great group, and the community is wonderful, even if it’s not that exciting.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“They are good guys…they’d have to be to put up with me every month.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yeah, you’re SO hard to live with, ya big meanie,” Makoto teased, and Sousuke splashed him with soapy water. They teased and flirted for a few minutes more and then settled back down to finishing the rest of the few remaining pieces.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Makoto, do you like Iwatobi? I mean, your family is there, and that’s where you grew up and lived with Haru, but…putting all of that aside. Would you stay there, if you had the option?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Makoto thought, his face working into a small frown. After some moments, he looked at Sousuke with a beaming smile and said, “Yes, I would-I really would!”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Ok,” and he let the conversation end at that, but he kept thinking about it all evening, as they played video games, and as they drifted off to sleep in each other’s arms.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>***</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Makoto was suspicious. Sousuke was always polite and kind when he subbed at Iwatobi, but now, now he was…friendly. He was talking to the other crew he was working with, chatting about the local swim teams, this year’s harvests, and whatever else that Makoto wasn’t privy to. It was like…he was trying to fit in.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Add to that the fact that Sousuke was meeting with Sasabe quite a bit over the course of the week in closed-door meetings that he refused outright to tell Makoto about. And, that Sousuke started asking strangely detailed questions about how to get to certain places in town, and about the town itself.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>One night as they were getting ready for bed, Makoto stood in the doorway to the bathroom, blocking Sousuke in, with his arms crossed.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Uh oh,” Sousuke drawled, “what did I do?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Sousuke, it’s the things you are do<em>ing</em>,” Makoto said, “At the station, you’re being friendly with the guys…”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I’m friendly.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Not, well, you’re not normally like that…” Makoto said, “and what are you doing talking with Sasabe so much?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sousuke’s eyes softened and he sauntered over to Makoto, “You just can’t stand it, can you? Not knowing?” He leaned in and kissed Makoto softly on the lips, one hand reached up and caressed Makoto’s neck and scratched the short hairs behind his ears. Makoto’s resolve faltered…the taller man was learning quickly what buttons to push to turn Makoto to goo, but this time he would not be deterred. He grasped Sousuke’s wandering hand and pushed against his chest to break the kiss.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Sousuke…”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The taller man sighed deeply and began walking them out of the bathroom and in to the hallway, “It’s a surprise.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“A-a surprise?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yes! You don’t want to ruin it, do you?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Well…no,” Makoto said. This was a different story. Surprises were good things, right? And if Sousuke was keeping the secret this well, maybe it was a bit rude to be pushing as much as he was.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“No, I don’t. Sorry,” Makoto said, slightly disappointed.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sousuke kissed him on the nose and said, “You’ll know next week-I promise. C’mon…let’s get some sleep.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>***</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The week came and went and the weird behavior continued throughout. Makoto was expecting Sousuke to have to go back to Samezuka the next day to check in with the station and get his new schedule, but Sousuke said nothing about it. When he asked the taller man later that night, Sousuke brightened and said, “Oh yeah! Right…I have to leave early, so I won’t be able to eat with you tomorrow morning. Sorry, Mako.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He was disappointed, but he’d had to leave early before, so Makoto said, “It’s ok. Where should I meet you after work?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sousuke pulled him closer on the couch and said, “Let’s stay in Iwatobi for a while.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The next morning, true to his word, Sousuke was nowhere to be found in the apartment, and Makoto ate quickly and left for work himself.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>When he arrived at the station, Kisumi was talking with Rei in hushed, giddy whispers at the front desk. They both brightened when they saw the brown-haired man and called him over.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Good morning, guys.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Hi, Makoto!” Kisumi chirped and Rei was barely stifling laughter, which was odd for such a strait-laced guy. He went to clock in and the morning progressed fairly normally. He took over from his replacement, who grinned from ear to ear the entire time, which was odd for this early in the morning. In fact, everyone he met was in an extra cheerful mood.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The morning meeting progressed as usual, except in three ways. One, they saved a specific seat for Makoto in the middle of the room. Two, a lot of the guys were sneaking glances at Makoto for some reason. Even Sasabe was glancing at him as if to ensure he was still there. And three, there was a special announcement at the end of the meeting.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sasabe cleared his throat and said, “Well, that about wraps it up, but there’s one final announcement. I know we’ve been a little short-staffed here recently and we’re still looking for more, good, hardworking firemen to join our crew, but I can happily say that we have a transfer from a neighboring station that will be joining our ranks next week!”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The group clapped loudly at the news; Makoto included. That was great, but now they probably wouldn’t need Sousuke as much anymore, and it always felt kinda special for them to walk in together. He wondered if Sousuke would lose interest in Iwatobi now that he’d be staying in Samezuka more often.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“We just signed the papers confirming the transfer this morning and he said he’d like to stick around to say hi before going to tie things up at his old place. So, please welcome, our newest crew member to the Iwatobi fire crew…</p>
<p> </p>
<p>SOUSUKE YAMAZAKI.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The room erupted in applause, and through the door walked Sousuke. His gaze found Makoto’s easily enough and he couldn’t help but chuckle at Makoto’s shocked expression. Makoto’s mouth hung open loosely as he took the sight of the man in. <em>He’s here…he’s STAYING.</em></p>
<p> </p>
<p>The clapping died down and Sasabe said, “Yamazaki? Anything you want to say?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He smiled at Makoto and said, “Surprise!” Laughter rippled through the crew, and those closest to the brown-haired man clapped him on the back.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Thanks for welcoming me, everyone. Please take care of me.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>***</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It took a while for Makoto’s brain to reboot. Sousuke grabbed them some food and put a plate in front of Makoto and sat down with his own at a table.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>There were so many questions trying to make their way out of Makoto’s mouth at once, but the one that squeaked through was, “Why?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sousuke swallowed the bite he was chewing and said, “I couldn’t get the conversation you and Mikoshiba had the other night out of my head. If Samezuka can afford to cut me loose every month and Iwatobi needs me…then I should be here.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>That made sense. “So,” Makoto said, “all the meetings with the Captain were...”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“For this, yeah,” Sousuke said, “I had to put in a formal request, have a few meetings for the handoff, interview…”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Sasabe interviewed you?” Makoto asked.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yeah,” Sousuke chuckled, “a formality, really, and they all turned into raving about how great you are,” and he winked.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Makoto turned red and hit him gently under the table, “Souuuu…”, which made Sousuke laugh.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“This means you’ll have to take the train from the Samezuka place all the time,” Makoto said.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Well, maybe not,” Sousuke said, “You wondered about all the questions I had about Iwatobi? We aren’t in our twenties anymore, Makoto, and while life around Iwatobi is small and simple, it’s felt like home a lot more than Samezuka has recently.” He looked at Makoto meaningfully, “I meant what I said last night: ‘Let’s stay in Iwatobi for a while.’ How about it? Wanna be roomies?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>***</p>
<p> </p>
<p>THUNK…THUNK…THUNK. The rhythmic sound echoed through the apartment as Sousuke sorted through the pile of boxes in their living room.</p>
<p> </p>
<p><em>Stuff for kitchen</em>…THUNK. <em>Stuff for bedroom</em>…THUNK.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Makoto DID, in fact, very much want to be roomies, and over the next few weeks, they packed up both places, sorting out what to keep and donate, and found the place Sousuke was sorting boxes in now. They both wanted to get a new place-it just didn’t seem right to live in the apartment Makoto and Haru shared.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sousuke was unpacking alone today, as the brown-haired man was at work. After the breakfast to welcome Sousuke was done, Sasabe called them both in to his office, saying, “Alright, you two. Here’s how this is gonna work…” There were no rules dictating whether a couple could work the same shifts-when writing the employment guidelines decades ago-no one anticipated a same-sex relationship between co-workers-but Sasabe was against the idea. They were treated like two individual co-workers, and scheduled on separate shifts. Sasabe promised at least a few days off together in the week whenever he could, however. That suited the two men just fine. They knew now that they would be coming home to each other every day-to sharing a bed that was theirs.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>This place would be home. He would share it with Makoto as long as he could, and when he looked around to see the butsudan already set up, surrounded by the pictures of Sousuke and Rin and Makoto and Haru, and a picture of Rin and of Haru sitting in places of honor in the shrine, there was no claw, pulling at restraints-they weren’t there anymore. There was nothing to hide-nothing to fear. He had Makoto and Makoto had him, too. And that’s all that mattered.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>There was a sense of inevitability to this move. They were on tracks leading to a very specific ending. This was ‘settling down’ in every sense of the term, and Sousuke had planned, tomorrow night, to ask Makoto to be so much more than friends-much more than ‘roomies’ or boyfriends…to be his husband.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He felt safe now, the time was right. He could sense it in Makoto, too.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>And then, the phone rang.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sousuke plodded over to answer it, and noticed it was from the station. He didn’t think twice about it, but swiping to answer the call would kick off the second longest day in Sousuke’s life.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Hello?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Ah, Sousuke! I’m glad you’re there.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Kisumi?” Sousuke said, “What’s up?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“We need you to come in.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sousuke kicked some boxes against the wall, saying, “Makoto’s on shift today…I can’t…”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Kisumi cut him off, “Doesn’t matter-we’re calling in everyone. Big apartment fire on the outskirts of town. We need everyone on this. How soon can you be here?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sousuke marched to the bedroom and started changing immediately, “Leaving now. Maybe fifteen minutes?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Great, we’ll get you on the next truck we’re sending out.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Ok. See you then.” And the call disconnected. Sousuke finished dressing and dashed out the door.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>***</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It was…bad. The six-story building was still fully ablaze when their truck pulled up, and with two other trucks out there already, they were still fighting hard. He caught sight of Makoto out of the corner of his eye, gaze as hard as steel and focused on the fire and directing the hose in his hand. Sousuke unrolled his own and attached it to the truck and began taking direction on the path to take the water around the building.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It took hours to get the fire under control, and down to a smolder. He didn’t know how many hours the scheduled crew had been there already, but he knew he was tired just from the time he put in alone. They finally began to wrestle it into submission floor by floor and eventually there was nothing left of the structure, but a dripping, wet, smoking mess.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>By the superintendent’s count, not everyone had made it out, so hoses were replaced by respirators, and the scheduled crew went in to clear the building. This was the part Sousuke dreaded – having to find and recover anyone not able to make it out. He usually didn’t sleep well following those kinds of calls.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Makoto’s team would enter the building. The on-call team, including Sousuke acted as backup on the recovery, and even though they almost never had to enter the building in situations like these, everyone donned respirators and had their helmet radios on.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>***</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>Floor 6 is clear – no one here…</em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>Floor 5 is clear – no one here…</em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>Floor 4 is now clear – recovered 3…</em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>Floor 3 is clear – no one here…</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Makoto’s team was on floor two, now. One more floor, and they’d be out.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Suddenly, Makoto’s voice came over the radio, <em>Captain, this is Makoto, do you copy?</em></p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>This is Sasabe-I copy, Makoto.</em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>Captain, we’ve got a situation here. It looks like an artist’s studio. Lots of oil paints and bulging spray cans-“</em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>The radio cut out and there was a violent explosion that sent a shockwave through the building and the ground, and heavier smoke began oozing from the building-a sure sign of re-ignition.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He heard noise around him, but couldn’t make it out over the beating of his heart. He felt a sick churning in the base of his stomach. He heard his own voice on the radio before he knew he was speaking.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>Tachibana? Are you there?</em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>No response. The smoke billowing out was becoming even thicker.</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>Tachibana, do you copy?</em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>Now flames were licking at the windows, again.</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>M-MAKOTO?</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>No…no, no, no, NO. This…this was a nightmare made real. With eyes stinging with tears, he realized he was witnessing some cosmic force AGAIN trying to steal the thing that Sousuke loved, right in front of his eyes. It was then he remembered what he told himself the day he opened himself up to the man in that building.</p>
<p> </p>
<p><em>if I was a fireman and was there, I could’ve helped, and maybe Rin would have lived</em>.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> His stance hardened. He was different now. He was stronger now.</p>
<p><br/>He could fight to get what he loved back.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He surged forward, ignored the shouting on the radio for him to wait for his team. As he plunged through the front door to the complex and found the stairs, a peaceful acceptance came over him. He would find and get Makoto out alive, or…</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He’d follow him. Wherever that led.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>***</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The blast knocked Makoto to the ground. He got up on all fours-trying to orient himself, but the cloying, thick smoke was everywhere. The blast left a ringing in his ears. He shook his head to try clearing it, but it didn’t work. He took a breath, trying to calm down, and a shiver ran up his spine when all he could breathe was hot, smoky air. He coughed and frantically felt the front of his mask for the tube connected to it. It was connected, but as he felt along the tube, he found the other end laying on the floor next to him, and not connected to the air tank behind him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>Oh no…</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>***</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The smoke seemed thicker the higher up the stairs Sousuke went, so he charged ahead, heart hammering in his chest and breathing hard already. His thoughts only of the brown-haired man that meant almost everything to him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He wondered if this is what it was like in the hotel fire in France. <em>Rin must have been so scared</em>, he thought, and gritted his teeth against the wave of remorse that crashed over him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The second floor reached and the stairway opened to a narrow hallway. He began searching through the apartments-trying desperately to find Makoto, and trying to reach him by radio constantly.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>***</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Makoto tried to clear his throat and barked into the radio which gave no answer back.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Captain, this -cough, cough- is Tachibana. Can you hear me?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He coughed, waiting to hear back. Nothing. Not even static.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Anyone? Can you hea-cough, cough, COUGH-hear me??”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>No response.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Makoto’s heart sank. He needed to get out, and fast. He began crawling, staying as low as he could to what he thought was the exit, but was just a closet. He crawled along the perimeter of the room, trying to breathe as low as he could, tried to take as few breaths as possible, but he was still starting to become dizzy. It was harder to focus. Had he checked this wall already? He wasn’t sure.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He kept crawling.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>***</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Half way along the floor and Sousuke wasn’t being as careful about tracking where he was in the building-frantically going from room to room and apartment to apartment trying to find Makoto. He kept trying Makoto’s radio over and over, but never heard a response. Either his radio was out, or…</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sousuke pushed that thought from his mind. <em>Forward. Keep moving forward. You’ll find him.</em></p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>***</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It was getting harder to move forward between the body-wracking coughs and the confusion. He thought he’d finally found the exit, but it was that damn closet again.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>His eyelids were getting heavier, too. He was feeling so sleepy. The suit and the tank on his back felt so heavy.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He stopped and sat back on his feet to rest. Just for a second, he promised himself, and his eyes fluttered shut.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>And he collapsed to the ground.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>***</p>
<p> </p>
<p><em>The smoke was thicker in here…good!</em> Sousuke felt like he was getting somewhere finally when he entered a surprisingly large apartment buried deep inside the building. This apartment had numerous rooms and a hallway that made at least a few bends in it.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He went door to door, most were open, but one was completely on fire. He rushed to it, and as he entered the room, he nearly tripped over a large lump on the floor. He knelt down to move it aside and when his hands felt the familiar coat and air tank his eyes shot wide and he gasped.</p>
<p><em>Makoto!</em> He knelt and turned the man on his side, his body giving way to the taller man’s hands easily. He knelt low to see Makoto’s face-dark red, and his eyes were closed. He checked Makoto’s air supply and that’s when he found the disconnected tube with a sinking stomach.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Makoto…” Sousuke tried, “Makoto, can you hear me?” He shook the man gently to see if he would wake. Nothing happened. Talking more to calm himself down than to the man on the floor, Sousuke said, “I’m gonna take your tank off and we’ll get you out of here, okay? Ok…ok…” and he felt around for the buckles securing the tank to the other man and popped them open, the tank falling to the floor with a thud. He glanced at Makoto’s face again.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He’d been breathing smoke and fumes since the explosion, and who knows how long that had been at this point? Five minutes? Ten? Twenty? He knew they were on the second floor. He knew he was probably close to the hallway leading to the stairs…he knew it wasn’t good practice to do what he was about to, but this was Makoto in his arms, and he took a deep breath, detached his air supply, and hooked it up to Makoto’s mask. He could hold his breath the few moments it would take to get out. Right?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He gathered Makoto in his arms and walked quickly out of the room and turned in the opposite direction of the exit.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>***</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Is that everyone?” The captain barked as two more firemen came out of the front entrance.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“No, Captain,” another member responded, “Tachibana and Yamazaki are still in there.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Where the hell did they go?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“We don’t know, sir. Yamazaki took off into the building as soon as he reached the stairs.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Damnit! Someone, try to call him on the radio!”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“We have, sir. Yamazaki’s not responding.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He sighed deeply to himself. He hadn’t had to rescue any of his own men for quite some time. When he got them out, he was going to kick Yamazaki’s ass around the moon and back. The captain checked the air supply on his mask and pointed at a group of three firemen, saying, “Let’s go get them out.” The crew nodded in response and they headed to the main entrance, but as they were approaching, the front entrance collapsed, blocking it completely.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Sir, there’s a fire escape around back!”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Alright, let’s go!” And the four men went around the block to access the back of the complex.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>***</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He should’ve been there by now. He didn’t remember any doors being closed either, but that’s what he was surrounded by. That, and heat and smoke and flame. He pulled his head covering up around his mouth and nose to try to keep from breathing in too much, but he was still beginning to cough.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Makoto still lay lifeless in his arms.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sousuke was becoming frantic. Darting up and down the hallways that seemed familiar, but never seeing any telltale signs he was nearing an exit-the smoke which seemed to be getting heavier by the minute, keeping anything familiar around them shrouded. He felt and heard a rumble in some part of the building that sent his heart racing.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He should’ve paid more attention to where he was going. He should’ve just waited and gone in with his own team. Would the time he saved in finding Makoto make any difference at all?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>This was far beyond getting lost in a movie theater now-this was a deadly situation he’d gotten himself in and the venomous thought slithered into Sousuke’s mind that maybe he just wasn’t good enough. Maybe this was always the way it was going to be-he was going to lose and he’d selfishly shortened Makoto’s life just by liking him. His shoulder injury in high school was an indicator, Rin was a warning, and this…this was the final consequence of living this life, that would take down both him and the kindest, most loving man he knew, and it was all his fault.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>His face became wet with tears, and he stopped running. He knelt slowly and hugged Makoto to him and cried.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>***</p>
<p>
  <em>Stop it…you’re worse than me…</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>That voice! He sniffed and looked around, but there was no one he could see.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“R-rin?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p><em>C’mon. Try again. On your feet, </em>the voice commanded. Sousuke stood shakily.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“But…I’m lost…”</p>
<p> </p>
<p><em>Not as lost as you think, you big moose. Look up,</em> and he did, and noticed the faintest glow of red light directly in front of him. He walked steadily towards it and found it to be a dim exit sign. He walked through the door and his footfalls echoed more than they did before. <em>The hallway,</em> Sousuke thought. He looked for another light, but there was none, but the smoke was lighter over to one side and he made for that.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The closer he got to that side of the hallway; the more light started shining through until he found he was at the stairs leading to the exit. He began to step down but realized the rest of the stairs weren’t there and what was under foot became very loose and Sousuke barely had any time to pull back before the rest of the staircase crumbled in front of him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He walked down the hallway again, hoping there was another, rear exit to the building.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You came back…” Sousuke muttered.</p>
<p> </p>
<p><em>For a little while,</em> the voice said, <em>I told you this was going to get you in trouble.</em></p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sousuke sighed sadly, “I know.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p><em>But, you know,</em> the voice mused, <em>you never had any trouble finding Makoto. Even in a place you’d only been to once.</em></p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>“Rin?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>Part of me wonders if you’ve ever been bad with directions at all…or if you were just too far in your own head to pay attention to where you were.</em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>“That’s not…I mean…” Sousuke tried to come up with a retort, but nothing came to mind.</p>
<p> </p>
<p><em>Just something to think about.</em> And Sousuke knew that he would.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He approached the other end of the hallway and found a red door with a push bar. He shouldered his way through it and burst out into the open air, and stepped onto a solid steel fire escape.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“We’re out! We’re out, Rin!”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>There was no reply.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Thank you, little shark.” Sousuke mumbled and started carefully and quickly getting down to ground level.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>***</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Captain! There he is!” one of the crew shouted, pointing to the figure descending the fire escape stairs. It was Sousuke alright, and he was carrying Makoto.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Crap!” The captain said, and they all rushed to meet him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>When they got there, they helped Sousuke lower Makoto to the ground. Someone ripped the mask off his face and the gloves off his hands and other hands began to check for vitals. Sousuke was laser focused on the unconscious man in front of him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Is he breathing? Does he have a pulse?” someone else said.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sousuke shook his head, feeling dizzy, “I don’t know. I just…just gave him my air…his broke inside.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>There were a few tense moments where nothing was said, hands feeling along the brown-haired man’s neck and wrist. The fingers eventually stilled and Sousuke held his breath.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“…he has a pulse!”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“And he’s breathing! It’s shallow, but he’s breathing!” Sousuke choked out a grateful sob, and someone clapped him on the back.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The grit and tenacity that was propping Sousuke up this entire time finally ran out. He began to sway unevenly on his knees.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yamazaki, you ok?” Another crew member asked.</p>
<p> </p>
<p><em>He’s alive! I saved him, </em>he thought with relief, <em>I promise you, Makoto, I’ll be here for you for the rest of our lives.</em></p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>I love you so much, Makoto.</em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>I love you…</em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>I lo…</em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>And the world turned dark as he tried to reach for Makoto’s hand, and he passed out.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>***</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He woke to the sound of familiar beeping, and familiar smells. <em>The hospital,</em> Makoto thought. He cracked his eyes open and peered blearily around the room. The room was dark, the curtains closed against the fading evening sun. The light coming in around the curtains gave the wall around it a dim glow.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He tried to sit up from his incline and his head spun, sending the brown-haired man flopping back on the bed with a grimace. It was like waking from a hangover. Actually, it was worse, and Makoto was surprised there was anything worse than a hangover, but he was definitely there.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Easy, there,” A voice said. He wasn’t alone. He’d been looking around the room, but hadn’t looked to his right yet. On the dark side of the room was someone large sitting in a chair next to his bed. It took some blinking to see that it was Sousuke sitting there, gazing tenderly at him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Sou…” Makoto sighed, and they looked at each other for a moment.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You’ve really got to stop waking up in hospitals,” Sousuke said.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yeah,” Makoto sighed weakly.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“How do you feel?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“My head feels like it’s going to explode.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Well, it probably won’t, if that’s a comfort,” Sousuke said, “you inhaled some pretty bad stuff back there.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Makoto looked pensive for a bit, then said, “There was this explosion that rocked the room and sent me tumbling. My air tube was disconnected, so I tried to stay low and radio for help, but that was knocked out, too. The smoke was so thick and the room was so messy by that point, I got lost. I couldn’t find my way out.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sousuke listened, intently, watching the fear and panic play over Makoto’s face as he spoke.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I tried going around the perimeter of the room, to find the door, but I started getting tired and started feeling so heavy. I thought if I could just rest for a second, I’d recover enough to go on, but I don’t remember anything after that.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sousuke nodded, “You passed out. We tried to get you on the radio, but when the fire started back up again, we went back in to rescue you. I found you on the floor.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You saved me?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yeah,” Sousuke smiled softly.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Makoto’s eyes became wet and his breath shuddered as he said, “I’m sorry. I’m sorry I worried you. I’m sorry you had to save me again…”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Makoto, stop…”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“If I wasn’t so…I mean, if I didn’t…” Makoto started, but couldn’t put his feelings of remorse and embarrassment into words. He was still so tired. He blinked, trying to clear the tears, and shuddered when he felt a powerful hand cup his face and a thumb wipe away a tear falling down his cheek. He looked up to see watery teal right in front of him, and felt the bed dip on one side.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Stop,” Sousuke soothed, “you did everything right, Makoto. You didn’t cause the explosion, did you?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“N-no…” Makoto muttered.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Then, it sounds like you handled yourself as well as you possibly could.” He pulled Makoto into a hug and kissed his neck gently. Makoto reached around the man and his hands met fabric and…skin?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Makoto frowned, “Wh…what are you wearing?” He pulled away just enough to see now what the other man had on, “Why are you wearing a hospital gown too?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Ah, yeah…” Sousuke’s face pinkened slightly, “solidarity?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Makoto leveled his gaze, “Sousuke…”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sousuke sighed, “I…might’ve…kinda…passed out after helping you out of the building.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Oh my god!”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Mako, I’m fine!” Sousuke chuckled, “I’m really only here for observation. They’re gonna let me go in a few hours.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Is this your room too?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“No, mine’s a few doors down the hall.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Oh…” Makoto was conflicted. He wanted to say so many competing things. He wanted to lecture Sousuke for not being in his room like he should be, but he was also so grateful to have him there when he woke up, and was so happy they were both relatively ok.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The door suddenly burst open and a frantic doctor and nurse barreled through it and looked around. Spotting Sousuke the doctor said, “There you are! We’ve been looking all over for you! What are you doing in here anyway? Tachibana-san needs his rest!”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Oops…” Sousuke smirked to Makoto, “busted.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Makoto laughed out loud, and finally said when he recovered, “Sorry Doctor…just a moment, please. Then I’ll kick him out.” The doctor glared at Sousuke, but nodded and ushered the nurse out. Makoto turned his attentions to Sousuke again.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I…” Sousuke started, but seemed to lose his nerve and instead sighed, saying, “I should get back, I guess…” He leaned forward and placed a kiss on Makoto’s forehead, and whispered, “I’m so glad you’re alright.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>***</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sousuke left for his room and Makoto tried, with varied success, to rest. He had dinner, and the guys from the station came in to see him for a bit later on.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The room was dark now, and the noise outside was a dull murmur. His head stopped hurting, but he still felt a bit weak, so he lay there with his eyes closed simply drifting on the cusp of sleep.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The soft click of his door opening was unmistakably not a dream, and pulled him back to the surface. With his eyes still closed, he couldn’t see who it was, but could hear the person step into the room and shut the door behind them. The person stood still for a moment and the moved to sit in the chair next to his bed. They both sat silently in the room for quite a while.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I’m so scared, Makoto.” Sousuke whispered, “You make me so damn happy I can’t think straight whenever I’m with you and I’m so scared that I might not be good enough for you. That I might never be good enough…for anyone. And, that someday, you’ll wake up and realize it, and you’ll leave, too, or that the universe will see that I’m too happy and take you away from me. It did that with my shoulder, it did that with Rin…it tried to do it today with you, too.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>I want to tell you that I love you…I <em>want</em> to love you, and I want you to love me, too. I just…I don’t know.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Well, I do.” Makoto whispered. Sousuke’s head snapped up to meet the green eyes gazing at him from the bed.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Makoto? How much of that did you hear?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Everything…” Sousuke’s face fell. Makoto chuckled quietly and beckoned the other man, “C’mere.” Sousuke climbed quietly on to the bed and lay on his side, facing Makoto. Makoto took his arm and wrapped it around the larger man and the cuddled closer together, until their foreheads touched.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You’ll never know until you try, Sou. Say it.” Makoto said.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I love you, Makoto Tachibana.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Makoto smiled so sweetly, and said, “I love you too, Sousuke Yamazaki. Everything about you. Got it?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sousuke nodded shyly. He felt Makoto pull away.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Look at me, Sousuke.” Sousuke’s face felt hot and it took real effort to drag his gaze high enough to meet Makoto’s eyes. When he did, Makoto said, “No matter what happens, you’ll always be good enough. You were good enough when I met you, you’re good enough now, and whatever happens next, I know I can count on you. We’ll do it together. Do you understand?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sousuke nodded and said, “Yeah. Together.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Would you stay here tonight?” Makoto asked.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What, like this?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yeah.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What if someone sees?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I don’t care.” Makoto said, “Do you?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>And Sousuke realized there would be no more hiding. No more NDAs, and no more seeing his partner off to some far-flung country for months. There would be someone at home waiting for him. Someone he could wait for, too. And this person accepted him, all of him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He had Makoto, now, and Makoto had him too.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“No,” Sousuke said, “I couldn’t care less.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>They were married two weeks later. The apartment became a home, to a family of cats and children. There were good days and bad days, but they had each other through it all.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>And they would until</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The end.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Epilogue</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>We were left with a simple slip of paper and so many questions about what that night was like for Haru and Rin at the Iwatobi pool. </p><p>Makoto and Sousuke will never know...</p><p>But you will.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“I’m sorry to make you do this,” Rin said as he slid the blank non-disclosure form across the table. Pale, delicate hands centered it on the table and started filling it out.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s no trouble,” Haru replied absently, focusing on the form in front of him.</p><p> </p><p>There was quiet scratching of the pen as the two men sat silent.</p><p> </p><p>Rin’s eyes drifted around the apartment, taking in the humble kitchen, the living area where they were, and the easel, covered in paint splotches, sitting on a wrinkled, dried out, paint-laden canvas sheet. His eyes found a cluster of pictures on the far wall, just above the television of the taciturn man in front of him, many of which also pictured a brown-haired man with smiling green eyes.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s just I don’t…” Rin said, but stopped as he saw a picture of this brown-haired man pressing a kiss to the artist’s forehead, Haru’s face in a gentle, blushing smile. <em>They look so happy,</em> Rin thought. He wondered briefly if Sousuke was as happy with him. He considered bitterly for a moment that it certainly didn’t help that he would be back in Australia for training in a few days’ time-leaving his husband alone again. <em>Why did I have to waste so much fucking time?</em> He thought, sadly. He jolted when he felt the paper being tapped against his hand on the table. He turned his attention back to the artist, who had an eyebrow cocked up and a mixture of curious and bored on his face.</p><p> </p><p>“You don’t what?”</p><p> </p><p>Rin cleared his throat and said, “It’s just that I don’t have the luxury of letting this kind of thing get out. You know…to the press.” He took the form and glanced at it to check it was filled out properly and stowed it away, and pulled out some new sheets, “Thanks. I’ll have my guys get a copy of this to your lawyers.”</p><p> </p><p>Haru frowned slightly, “Let what get out?”</p><p> </p><p>Rin toyed with the pages in his hand and tipped his head to the pictures on the wall, “Nice pictures. Who’s the brunette?”</p><p> </p><p>“Makoto,” Haru answered.</p><p> </p><p>“He’s handsome…and that smile. I bet it could light up all of Iwatobi, huh?” Haru didn’t respond, so Rin asked, “Are you two together?”</p><p> </p><p>Haru hesitated. This was a strange meeting, which was now bordering on annoying. He received an email earlier in the week from an anonymous email address requesting a discreet meeting to discuss an art commission. Haru agreed, and offered to meet him for coffee at a local place, but this contact refused. He wanted to meet at the artist’s studio, which was also home.</p><p> </p><p>Haru’s email response was simply: <em>Sorry. Too much effort -haru</em></p><p>
  
</p><p>He almost immediately received a response back, the subject line screaming <em>WAIT!,</em> containing a selfie of none other than the Japan silver medalist, Rin Matsuoka, holding a piece of notebook paper which he hastily scrawled, <em>I’d like to commission you for some art, Haru, but it has to be discrete. Please. -Rin Matsuoka</em></p><p> </p><p>Haru’s swimming career ended in college, but he and Makoto still followed swimming-still invested in who was jockeying for position as the best swimmers in Japan. They sat with rapt attention and watched each Olympics, staying up as late as they needed to to catch the events. In the Nanase-Tachibana household, Matsuoka was a well-known name. They watched, live from that very room, as Rin took silver at the last Olympics. Haru especially was taken with the fiery red-headed swimmer. He was never good with large crowds, so he never went to any public events that Rin was signing autographs for, but here might be his opportunity to meet the man, one on one.</p><p> </p><p>He responded with the address to the apartment and his phone number.</p><p> </p><p>Rin seemed cagey, almost like he wasn’t comfortable being alone with the artist, which Haru wasn’t expecting, and then he started complimenting Makoto? Haru was starting to suspect this was a bad idea, taking this meeting.</p><p> </p><p>Haru’s frown deepened, and said, “He’s my husband.”</p><p> </p><p>Rin’s eyes flew open in surprise, his mouth pulling into a circle, before all the tension ran out of him and he laughed out loud.</p><p> </p><p>Rin Matsuoka, Olympic medal winner, was in Haru’s house, and was laughing at him. Laughing, seemingly because of Makoto-or maybe at Makoto. He didn’t know which one was worse, but he didn’t care-a wave of protectiveness surged in him and he said forcefully, “We aren’t here to discuss my husband.”</p><p> </p><p>Rin forced himself to stop laughing, and smiled reassuringly at the artist, and said, “I’m sorry…I’m just, relieved. You’re absolutely right. We aren’t here to talk about your husband. We’re here to talk about mine.”</p><p> </p><p>***</p><p>Haru looked over the sheet describing the piece Rin wanted and then looked back at the pictures of him and a guy named Sousuke. He wasn’t unattractive, but from the pictures he could tell the man was BIG…maybe even bigger than Makoto.</p><p> </p><p>“So, uh…think you can do it?” Rin said.</p><p> </p><p>Haru nodded, “Mm.”</p><p> </p><p>“Good! Great.” Rin said. He wasn’t used to this…this quiet. The artist obviously knew who Rin was, but was used to fans gushing over him or at least trying to get as much out of him as they could during their time together. He signed the NDA without fuss. He suspected this was going all too smoothly.</p><p> </p><p>“How long will it take?”</p><p> </p><p>“A month.”</p><p> </p><p>Rin nodded. That would work, too. That would give him time to train out of the country for a few weeks and come back around their anniversary to get the piece and give it to Sousuke, get it hung up right over the bed. Maybe add some accent lighting…</p><p> </p><p>“You rely on your leg strength too much,” Haru said. The comment pulled Rin’s focus out of his interior decorating reverie and on to the man in front of him.</p><p> </p><p>“What?”</p><p> </p><p>“You can see it when you push off in your turns and in your dolphin kick. You rely on your leg strength too much.”</p><p> </p><p>Rin paused. An artist was giving him swimming tips? An ARTIST? Those blue eyes glinted strangely, waiting for a reply. Here was what Rin was expecting. This guy wasn’t cloying, groping fan, but one who thought he knew what he was talking about. <em>Time to play it cool, Rin,</em> he told himself.</p><p> </p><p>“So, you’re a fan, huh?”</p><p> </p><p>“I’ve seen a few races,” Haru said, “and your free is the weakest.”  He’d heard these critiques before, from his coaches, but not from a painter of all people. Not that he believed either of them.</p><p> </p><p>Rin chuckled to cover his irritation by saying, “My free has won me gold many times over, Haru. It’s not as bad as you think. Thanks for the notes, though.”</p><p> </p><p>“I never said it was bad. I said it was unbalanced,” Haru clarified.</p><p> </p><p>“Ok…” Rin said, scrambling for a change in topic, “let’s talk cost. I saw your prices online. Of course, I’m happy to pay what you ask, especially with these special circumstances. I know your work doesn’t come cheap.”</p><p> </p><p>Haruka Nanase didn’t care about winning. He told everyone that. He told them that before he went to college on a swimming scholarship. He tried, but failed, to care about it in college, and as soon as he was out of school, ceased to care about it again. But, as he looked into those vibrant, red eyes, something shifted inside his mind. He was sitting across from a national champion, who clearly didn’t like being critiqued. To his last day, he’ll never know what made him say,</p><p> </p><p>“Why don’t we make it interesting?”</p><p> </p><p>Rin’s eyes widened, “Interesting? What do you mean?”</p><p> </p><p>“Why don’t we race for it?”</p><p> </p><p>Rin almost couldn’t believe his ears. This skinny, pale ARTIST wants to race? Rin smirked. This guy was just too much.</p><p> </p><p>“I swim every day. I only swim free, though.”</p><p> </p><p>“Well, still…I’m going to beat you.”</p><p> </p><p>“You don’t know that.”</p><p> </p><p>Blue eyes sparkled in challenge and red eyes flared in answer, “Yes, I do. You want to stake getting paid on a race? You might as well just give me that painting for free.”</p><p> </p><p>“Well, I figure I have a chance,” Haru said, “if you’re only using your legs...”</p><p> </p><p>“HEY,” Rin interrupted, and noticed just how loud his voice was getting, he took a breath to calm down. This guy was really starting to get under his skin. This guy was an amateur! He probably just took a dip in the ocean for five minutes at lunch every day-barely even enough to call it ‘swimming’.</p><p> </p><p>There was this irresistible pull to prove the raven-haired artist wrong. This feeling felt different than regular competition. As he glared into those placid, blue eyes there was a feeling almost of…longing? He shook himself out of his musing. Let him have his way-he asked for it, after all. If Rin kicks his ass, well, that’s just what’s going to happen.</p><p> </p><p>“Fine,” Rin said, “100 meters Freestyle. What are the terms?”</p><p> </p><p>Haru looked down at the form he partially filled out for the commission. The normal cost of this work was quite the sum as it was, and he knew money wasn’t a factor here. This was to satisfy this itch that had been building during their whole meeting-expressed now as a thought. And, for some reason, Rin agreed.</p><p> </p><p>“If I win,” Haru said, “I tack on an extra fifty percent on to the price of the piece.”</p><p> </p><p>Rin chuckled, thinking, <em>no way in hell am I going to have to pay that.</em></p><p> </p><p>“Fine. Then, if I win, you take fifty percent off the cost.”</p><p> </p><p>“Deal,” Haru agreed, and they shook on it.</p><p> </p><p>They worked out the details, Haru suggested using the swim club’s pool at night to not attract attention.</p><p> </p><p>“Don’t you need to reserve it?”</p><p> </p><p>Haru shook his head, “I’ve known the owner since I was little. He gave me a key to the place when Makoto and I came back from college.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh,” Rin said, “and, how often do you use it?”</p><p> </p><p>“Regularly,” Haru responded. <em>Woah,</em> Rin thought to himself, <em>he has a key to the local pool? So, he does think himself a bit of a hot-shot…</em></p><p> </p><p>“Ok…” Rin said, “who’s gonna time us?” Haru thought about that. He couldn’t really think of anyone. Makoto seemed like a conflict of interest, so did most of his friends. He glanced over at Rin and he had the same pensive expression, <em>probably thinking along the same lines</em>, he thought.</p><p> </p><p>Rin suddenly brightened, “Oh, I know!” He pulled out his phone, dialed a number and set it on the table and turned on the speakerphone.</p><p> </p><p>After a few rings, a young chirpy voice answered, “Samezuka fire station, Aiichiro Nitori, speaking. How may I help you?”</p><p> </p><p>“Hey, Ai, it’s been a while. How are you?”</p><p> </p><p>“R-rin sempai? Is that YOU?” The voice said.</p><p> </p><p>“Well, we’re grown up now, Ai,” Rin said, “you can just call me Rin.”</p><p> </p><p>“Ok, Rin! It’s been so long! Congratulations on medaling in the Olympics! That must have been so exciting…”</p><p> </p><p>“It sure was, Ai,” Rin said, “Actually, I’d happily tell you all about it in person, but I have a favor to ask you first…”</p><p> </p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>A thrill ran up his spine as he approached the dark, quiet swimming club building. He had to think-hard-about when the last time he had to sneak into a pool was. High school? His first time in Australia?</p><p> </p><p>He looked in through the glass door, and saw a vague glow of blue light down the hall. He looked around-no one but him anywhere around outside. Rin pulled on the door gently and it gave way easily and he slipped inside.</p><p> </p><p>It was silent inside. The longer he stood in the silence, the louder the thought became that he should just turn around and leave, but he thought it was worth trying to find the quiet painter first. He stepped slowly further down the hall.</p><p> </p><p>“Haru?” Rin called, now halfway down the hall, “Haru, you here?” He didn’t notice as a door cracked open right behind him.</p><p> </p><p>“Rin.”</p><p> </p><p>Rin leapt in the air with the grace of a startled cat, “AAAH!” He whipped around and saw Haru’s head poking out from behind a door that said ‘Men’s Locker Room’.</p><p> </p><p>Haru frowned, “Stop yelling.”</p><p> </p><p>“You scared me,” Rin said, in a slightly higher octave than normal.</p><p> </p><p>Haru shook his head and said, “In here.”</p><p> </p><p>Rin walked over and opened the door and let himself in, saying, “It’ll take more than that to throw me off my game, Haru.”</p><p> </p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>“You sure you want to do this?” Rin asked, as they stretched out on the pool deck, “You’re going through a lot just to give me a hefty discount tonight.”</p><p> </p><p>Haru frowned at him, “I’m not <em>giving</em> you anything. You’re gonna have to earn it.”</p><p> </p><p>“Big talk from an amateur,” Rin mused aloud, “how many medals have you won?”</p><p> </p><p>“Enough.”</p><p> </p><p>Rin stopped when he heard this reply, and studied the black-haired man in silence. His build, now that he could see it, was slim, compact and fit. The jammers (same brand that he wore) fit him like a glove. The more time he spent with the taciturn man, the stranger he felt, but he tried and failed to justify that feeling, thinking, <em>so he owns professional swimming gear, has a key to use the pool whenever he wants, and thinks highly enough of himself to critique ME, and NOW he’s claiming he’s won medals swimming?! What the hell is this guy’s angle?</em></p><p> </p><p>“Rin sempai?” A hesitant voice called out. Haru and Rin’s heads snapped to the source of the voice.</p><p> </p><p>“Ai,” Rin called out, “over here.”</p><p> </p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>Introductions were made, another NDA was completed, and Haru taught Ai how to use the timing equipment. They stood side by side on the starting blocks, Rin was fiddling with his goggles, and Haru was standing quietly, looking out over the calm quiet pool.</p><p> </p><p>“Last chance to back out…” Rin offered.</p><p> </p><p>Haru glanced sideways at him and said, “Was that for you or for me?”</p><p> </p><p>Rin scowled at the glint in those blue eyes and fixed his goggles to his face, and snapping the goggle strap in his typical fashion.</p><p> </p><p>“Fine, but don’t say I didn’t warn you.”</p><p> </p><p>“Just don’t hold back.”</p><p> </p><p>Both men bent down into position and once they were down, Ai shouted, “Ready?”</p><p> </p><p>“Ready,” Both men responded.</p><p> </p><p>Rin heard that beep and saw that flash so often in his daily life, his body simply reacted to it. His body, a coiled spring, released and he dove elegantly into the water.</p><p> </p><p>He did not hear a second splash, but could feel movement in the water next to him. He looked to his side, and couldn’t see anyone next to him, so he began to ease up slightly on his dolphin kick, thinking that he’d give the artist a chance to catch up.</p><p> </p><p>Big mistake.</p><p> </p><p>They both breached the surface of the water and began stroking, and immediately the water shifted. Rin felt the water roil with some unknown force as he felt Haru approach. Head, then torso and then legs, then feet slipped, yes ‘slipped’, as the artist made his stroke seem so very effortless, right past Rin and made an accelerated advance on the far side of the pool.</p><p> </p><p>A second of surprise was all he allowed himself before throwing more and more power into his kick, but even increasing his speed, the lead Haru had on him kept increasing. The artist’s body slipped past him yet again, now going in the other direction. Their eyes met briefly, both wide in surprise. Rin hit the wall and kicked with all he had, but to no effect. He could see Haru distantly in front of him and in desperation to claw some of the distance back, his stroke became desperate-sloppy.</p><p> </p><p>He pushed and pushed through the final half of the race, slapping the wall at the end and standing up, breathing heavily.</p><p> </p><p><em>WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED? </em>Rin wondered, glaring down at his reflection in the water below him. He knew it was messy, he knew it was unfocused. He didn’t think he’d <em>need</em> to be on his game tonight! Even with all the odd things this black-haired artist said, HE WAS AN AMETUER! He shouldn’t have even been a challenge!</p><p> </p><p>“Rin,” Haru said, and Rin dragged his gaze up to meet the blue eyes framed in disappointment, “you didn’t throw that race so that I would win, did you?”</p><p> </p><p>The Olympian’s face began to burn with embarrassment, “N-no,” he said.</p><p> </p><p>Haru studied his face, then said, “I beat you by a full second.” Rin’s eyes flew wide and his head snapped up to look at the score board. Haru was right.</p><p> </p><p>Rin rubbed the back of his neck and said, “I haven’t been training while I was in town! Might be a little rusty.”</p><p> </p><p>“Or a bit unbalanced…” Haru mused.</p><p> </p><p>“WILL YOU SHUT UP ABOUT THAT?!” Rin roared; the comment caused his focus to drift to the unfamiliar ache in his arms.</p><p> </p><p>They both turned to look up at Ai who was approaching pool side with the clipboard he was using.</p><p> </p><p>“Congratulations, Nanase-san,” Ai said quietly, “Rin…”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, yeah, I know. He won,” Rin ground out between clenched teeth.</p><p> </p><p>Rin lost. In a sport where times are compared by the millisecond, He lost by a <em>lot</em>. This was humiliating. He could do better. He wanted to do better.</p><p> </p><p>“Look,” Haru said, sighing, “if you’re not going to take this seriously, fine. Just pay the regular price and I’ll have the piece done in a month.”</p><p> </p><p>“No.”</p><p> </p><p>“Rin-sempai…why don’t we…” Ai tried to interrupt, seeing how agitated Rin was.</p><p> </p><p>“NO,” Rin said, cutting Ai off, “we’re going again. Best two out of three.” He hauled himself out of the water.</p><p> </p><p>He turned back to Haru, who was still in the water, but now seemed taken aback by the determination in Rin’s tone. The artist’s eyes sparkled in the moonlight that was coming in through the windows.</p><p> </p><p>“Are you going to take this seriously now?” Haru asked.</p><p> </p><p>Rin hissed, “Just get on the fucking block.”</p><p> </p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>The equipment was reset and Haru and Rin switched lanes, both of them stepped up and got in position. This time, there was no talking between them, their faces grim and focused.</p><p> </p><p>“Ready?” Ai shouted.</p><p> </p><p>“Ready,” both swimmers replied.</p><p> </p><p>Again, the beep sounded and the two swimmers leapt into the water. This time he wouldn’t give Nanase an inch. This time, they were side-by-side as they kicked up to the surface of the water, and began to stroke. Immediately Haru began pulling away, as they both were still accelerating down the pool. Rin fought hard to keep pace with the artist, and fought too to keep good form, but it wasn’t enough. Haru kicked away from the far side of the pool a moment before Rin, but now Rin’s arms began to ache heavily. He tried putting more into his legs and he felt himself accelerate, but Haru was just too fast. From where he was, he watched the Zen-like rhythm the other man’s stroke followed, carrying him through the water with what seemed to be little effort at all. It was beautiful, and frightening in its simple power.</p><p> </p><p>Haru slapped the wall and shortly after, so did Rin. There was no pausing to catch their breath this time, they both ripped their gear off their faces and looked up to the scoreboard.</p><p> </p><p>A half-second. Haru beat the best swimmer in Japan by a half second. Just as he could feel the water, so too could Haru feel Rin’s tenacity in their second race. He wasn’t holding back this time. He wasn’t being careless. He swam well, but that wasn’t good enough.</p><p> </p><p>Haru stared ahead, not really seeing. His mind replayed the argument between him and his coach in college the day he quit the swim team.</p><p> </p><p>“You’re giving up NOW?” The grizzled man barked, “Then you really ARE as stupid as you look.” The man sighed and said, “Nanase, with your talent, and a little hard work, you could blow the swimming world away! You’d have sponsors eating out of your hand, and think of the Olympics! There are three to four trips to the Olympics easy in your future, if you just stick with it.”</p><p> </p><p>“I’ve heard all of this before coming here.” Haru muttered.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, I’m sure. But you aren’t in Podunk Iwatobi anymore,” the coach said, “you’re in Tokyo, and I’m not just some fisherman flunky teaching a bunch of kids to swim! I know talent and with yours, the possibilities are endless.”</p><p> </p><p>Haru stayed silent.</p><p> </p><p>The coach sighed, “Just think about it, would ya?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yes, sir.” Haru said, and stood and left the office. He would never return.</p><p> </p><p>He was pulled out of his memories by a quiet, reverent voice off to his side.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey…”</p><p> </p><p>Haru turned his gaze to face Rin, now looking at the artist, his expression open and vulnerable, shining with awe and curiosity.</p><p> </p><p>“Who <em>are</em> you, really?” Rin asked.</p><p> </p><p>“Just an artist,” He said, and pulled himself out of the pool.</p><p> </p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>Haru sat on the edge of the pool with his legs in the water, while Rin and Ai caught up a little way away. Haru wasn’t paying any attention to them. He was thinking.</p><p> </p><p>He just beat the fastest freestyle swimmer in Japan. He would never admit to anyone the thrill he felt while in the water with the red-head. Haru never felt that kind of energy before, with anyone.</p><p> </p><p><em>Is that what competing is supposed to feel like?</em> Haru wondered, <em>did I quit too soon?</em></p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>Is Rin the rival I never had?</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>Haru was fast approaching his thirties, and didn’t know of anywhere he could go to be scouted, but part of him thought of trying to look. If it meant being able to race Rin again, maybe he could try.</p><p> </p><p>He left that life behind, though, and there were valid reasons to do so. He remembered telling Makoto, as they talked about their futures, “I want to swim for the rest of my life.” He thought, if he wanted to swim, might as well make some money off it. But the swimming he did in university-competitive swimming-was far different from what he was used to. He always used to say, “I only swim free,” and anyone who heard it, always thought he meant front crawl, but the sentiment behind the words went far deeper than a single stroke. It was an entire style, all his own.</p><p> </p><p>If he went back, they’d be impressed initially, but then the pushing would start. Tweaking this and that. Drills to cement unfamiliar movements to squeeze another tenth of a second off his times. That wasn’t swimming free. With every bit of time they cut, so too a bit of joy cut out of being in the water.</p><p> </p><p>He left so he could swim free. And he did. He became an artist, and husband, and the quiet seaside town of Iwatobi welcomed them back, and he swam in the ocean, feeling the water surround him like a comforting embrace. He had everything he wanted here.</p><p> </p><p>And yet…</p><p> </p><p>He was again pulled out of his musings when he felt a foot kick his leg gently. He looked to his side and there was Rin, sitting next to him, legs also dangling in the water.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey,” Rin said, softly, “good race, Haru. Congrats,” he held out his hand and Haru grabbed it and shook.</p><p> </p><p>“Thanks.”</p><p> </p><p>“I’m…sorry I yelled at you. You’re right. I underestimated you.”</p><p> </p><p>Haru stayed silent, looking at his wavering reflection in the pool.</p><p> </p><p>“I transferred the money into your account,” Rin said, “you had quite the pay day today.”</p><p> </p><p>Haru nodded.</p><p> </p><p>“What are you going to do with the extra?”</p><p> </p><p>Haru shrugged, “Don’t know. Didn’t know if I was even going to get it.”</p><p> </p><p>Rin looked down at his reflection, a pensive expression on his face. Finally, he said, “What’s your guy’s name, again?”</p><p> </p><p>“Makoto.”</p><p> </p><p>“Makoto! Right…” Rin said, “What’s he like?”</p><p> </p><p>Haru side-eyed him again. Rin rolled his eyes in exasperation and said, “I’m just curious. It’s not every day I get to talk to someone about stuff like this.”</p><p> </p><p>Haru sighed and said, “He’s…big. He’s a firefighter at the local fire station, so he’s strong, but gets scared easily. He loves cats…” Haru looked over to see Rin watching with rapt attention, so he continued, “for his size, he’s incredibly gentle and kind to everyone. I don’t know of anyone who meets him who wouldn’t want to be his friend. He has this…smile…that burns hotter than the sun when he directs it at you. Like he’s channeling the love directly from his heart through his eyes and I can’t look at it for too long, but it always makes me happy inside when he smiles at me.”</p><p> </p><p>Rin smiled and said, “Sounds like he really loves you.”</p><p> </p><p>Haru kicked his feet, “I don’t know why. I’m not nice. I’m rude. I’m selfish. He’s out there saving people’s lives, and all I do is paint and swim, and cook for him-keep the apartment clean. Sometimes I just feel lost, like I don’t know what to do with his love. I try to give it back but I know for a fact it won’t ever match what he’s given me.”</p><p> </p><p>They sat for a moment longer, and Haru tried to be polite by saying, “What about your guy?”</p><p> </p><p>“Sousuke?” Rin said, “Heh, he’s big too. Used to be a butterfly swimmer in school, but blew out his shoulder. He wanted to swim in the big leagues with me one day, but that won’t happen now.” Rin’s face fell a bit after that sentence, “He works with his family at their restaurant in Samezuka. We have an apartment there, too, but mostly he’s there…alone. I’m usually training with my coaching team in Australia. Sometimes Sousuke comes to visit, and I try to make it back when I can, but we’re mostly apart. Can I tell you a secret, Haru?”</p><p> </p><p>Haru was now watching the Olympian with focused eyes. He nodded.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m not happy, and I don’t think he is, either,” Rin said in a near-whisper, “Sou’s never been a world traveler. He’s been to Australia to visit me, but that’s it. I think what would make him happiest would be for us to settle down and live a quiet existence somewhere just like Iwatobi or Samezuka. Maybe start a family. He’ll never say it, of course. He’ll just stay unhappy while cheering me on from a whole other continent, waiting for the day I get tired. When I’m ‘done’,” He turned and looked at Haru, his eyes wet with tears threatening to fall, “But, I don’t WANT to be done. I want to keep competing, and then I want to stay in the sport for as long as I can-coaching, training, whatever! It’s all I know.</p><p> </p><p>I’ll have to travel. I’ll have to leave him over and over again, and I’ve done that far too much already. God, Haru, do you know how guilty I feel every time I leave? Every time we have to say goodbye at the airport? It KILLS me, knowing he’s waiting. That he misses me. That, as a good husband, I SHOULD be there with him?”</p><p> </p><p>The tears were falling now, splashing gently into the pool water below. Haru hadn’t moved a muscle. The sounds of Rin’s sniffles echoed through the natatorium.</p><p> </p><p>“It was even MY idea to get married. I selfishly asked for his life and look what I’ve fucking done with it. He doesn’t deserve that. He doesn’t deserve for this entire part of his life to be kept a secret because I might lose sponsors if people find out I’m gay. He deserves to be truly happy-to be free.”</p><p> </p><p>They sat quietly as Rin cried himself out, and Haru finally took a calming breath himself. There was speculation out there as to who / what the swimmer’s personal life involved, but no solid proof. He wondered how many NDAs were out there-how many people knew, like him, and legally couldn’t say a word.</p><p> </p><p>More importantly, he wondered if he and Makoto would be suffering like this if he’d continued swimming. He knew Makoto didn’t mind travel, as he’d done it with his family before, but his job was here. He couldn’t just leave it all behind to follow Haru around the world. And, he’d lived without Makoto before. He could do it, but life was just…better with his husband. Haru didn’t care if his personal life got out-that Makoto was his husband-but he knew that the extra attention and scrutiny would mortify the man with green eyes, and he wouldn’t want to put him in that position. He wanted to love Makoto and let Makoto love him freely, and the life they already had gave them that.</p><p> </p><p>He decided he chose well. He could be happy with being the fastest swimmer in Japan for a single night.</p><p> </p><p>There was a shuddering breath next to him as Rin finally calmed himself down. Wiping at his eyes with the back of his hand.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m sorry,” Rin muttered.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s all right.”</p><p> </p><p>There was a pause, then Rin said, “You should do something for Makoto with that money-something he won’t expect. Surprise him. Maybe a vacation?”</p><p> </p><p>Haru thought about that. That was actually a really good idea.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah,” Haru said.</p><p> </p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>They showered, dressed, and ended up in the parking lot of the swim club.</p><p> </p><p>“I’ll call you when it’s done.”</p><p> </p><p>“Ok.” Rin said. Haru turned and began to walk away when Rin called for him again. He stopped and turned.</p><p> </p><p>“Let me see your receipt,” Rin said. Haru frowned at him.</p><p> </p><p>“Why?”</p><p> </p><p>Rin sighed, “Just…c’mon.” He held out his hand. Haru shrugged and pulled out the folded piece of paper. Rin produced a pen and hastily scribbled something along the side of the paper and then handed it back to the artist.</p><p> </p><p>“Here,” Rin said. Haru noticed the scribbled phone number running up the side of the page. He looked at Rin, questions in his eyes.</p><p> </p><p>“That’s…my private number,” Rin explained, “use that one to call about the painting, or…if you ever want to race again…” Haru’s eyes shot up from the page to Rin’s face, now blushing and he was rubbing the back of his neck, and said, “it was fun…racing with you.”</p><p> </p><p>Haru couldn’t help but allow a small smile bloom on his lips, “Yeah.”</p><p> </p><p>Rin started walking away, but turned to look back at the artist over his shoulder and said, “And…I’ll work on my arm strength…for next time.”</p><p> </p><p>Haru stood still, and watched the Olympian walk away.</p><p> </p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>He quietly toed off his shoes, and walked into the quiet apartment. Makoto left a light on next to the butsudan for Haru, so he walked over to turn it off, but stopped when a particular picture caught his eye. It was taken underwater, and it was of the two of them wearing big swim masks and respirators. A few years prior, Makoto surprised Haru with a class to learn how to scuba for his birthday. They got their certifications, but had never used them.</p><p> </p><p>Haru wondered the whole trip home what exactly he should do for Makoto with his winnings. He liked the idea of spending this money on something to surprise and delight Makoto, and this picture gave him a wild, wonderful idea. He smiled quietly to himself, and shut the light off, making his way to their bedroom.</p><p> </p><p>Haru slipped underneath the covers on his side of the bed, feeling the warmth radiating from the large, strong body next to him. Normally, he would curl up on his side, so as not to disturb his sleeping husband, but he replayed the conversation he and Rin had earlier, and an intense longing reached up and flowed through him. He scooted closer, and snuggled into Makoto’s side. The shift did not go unnoticed.</p><p> </p><p>The large body stirred, “Mh…Haru,” Makoto yawned, “you’re back.”</p><p> </p><p>“I’m home, Makoto.”</p><p> </p><p>He could hear the smile on the other man’s face when he said, “Welcome home. How was your swim?”</p><p> </p><p>Haru shrugged, and Makoto chuckled.</p><p> </p><p>“Makoto…”</p><p> </p><p>“Haru…”</p><p> </p><p>“I love you.”</p><p> </p><p>Makoto turned to face Haru and his lips clumsily found Haru’s forehead, giving him a light kiss, “I love you too, Haru-chan.”</p><p> </p><p>Haru didn’t complain about the name.</p><p> </p><p>“Makoto…”</p><p> </p><p>“Haru…”</p><p> </p><p>“Do you have some time off still?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah…I think a week?”</p><p> </p><p>“mm…”</p><p> </p><p>“Why?”</p><p> </p><p>“Find a week you can take off in about two months, and take it. You’ll find out then.”</p><p> </p><p>This shook Makoto out of sleep entirely, his voice becoming clear.</p><p> </p><p>“What? Why?” He reached over and turned on the bedside lamp. They both winced at the light.</p><p> </p><p>Haru sighed, realized he’d gotten a little carried away and made a mistake. This conversation REALLY could’ve waited until morning. Makoto’s eyes, bright and curious, shone dark green in the low light. The events of the day, plus the warmth of the bed were making him sleepy. He should have waited.</p><p> </p><p>“Why do you want me to take a whole week off?”</p><p> </p><p>“Makoto…”</p><p> </p><p>“Are you planning something?”</p><p> </p><p>“No.”</p><p> </p><p>“Then, why the week offmfffffh!” Makoto said, his lips being taken by the artist’s in a vain attempt to quell Makoto’s curiosity. While Makoto was occupied, Haru reached over and turned the light back off.</p><p> </p><p><em>Yes,</em> Haru thought, <em>this was right. This is where they both should be.</em></p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thanks so much for reading!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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